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  • File : 1298768618.jpg-(12 KB, 300x330, 1273540742311.jpg)
    12 KB Coin & Cleavage 3 Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)20:03 No.14054414  
    Greetings, reader, and welcome once again to the saga of the Bard!

    Currently, our hero is trapped behind enemy lines, as he was taken prisoner by a pack of female brigands.

    >Prisoner? Who said I was taken prisoner? This is all part of my master plan!

    And what, praytell, would that plan be?

    >Well... Er... Its in the planning stages?

    Exactly what I would expect from you, sir Bard.

    Our hero has so far furthered his cunning plan by meeting all five of the Brigands who have taken him hostage: Berna, the leader, Molly, the rope-tier, Loretta, the Berna's flunky, Tess, the amorous but calculating wench, and Catelyn, the protective brigand.

    >Y'know, I think I can get that Tess to give me a roll in the hay, if I keep working on her.

    And risk angering Berna?

    >Ah, if Mrs. Piss-pot wants to join in I welcome the challenge!

    Truly, sir Bard, you are a master of diplomacy.

    From what the Bard has been able to glean, today he will be used as bait by the brigands to rob another hapless traveler on the road. Currently, he is standing within the encampment of the Brigands as his captors busy themselves around the camp.

    >What do?
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)20:06 No.14054459
    >Previous threads:

    Coin & Cleavage 1
    http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13795525/

    Coin & Cleavage 2
    http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13879836/
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:10 No.14054514
    If I remember correctly, we put some pants on because it was chilly...

    We remove our pants! It's warmed up or something.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:12 No.14054534
    >>14054414

    Flirt with Catelyn.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:13 No.14054553
    Snark at the boss woman. We've been leaving her to her own devices too long.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:15 No.14054593
    >>14054534
    I dunno, she's the one who's being protective of Molly. Our best course of action with her atm might be to continue interacting with Molly and see where that leads us.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:16 No.14054595
         File1298769363.jpg-(3 KB, 111x84, 2 (3).jpg)
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    >>14054534
    We left Catelyn back at the stream washing clothes

    >>14054514
    Goddamn it, what is it with /tg/ and walking around without pants.

    >>14054553
    pic related. We don't poke the goddamn bear.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:19 No.14054642
    >>14054595

    No proper bard should ever be caught wearing pants. It's nearly as important as snarking.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:20 No.14054663
    >>14054595
    >pic related. We don't poke the goddamn bear.

    I just spent a night of Dark Heresy watching my own players do just that. I want in on the fun of reckless abandon and confidence.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:24 No.14054699
    >>14054663
    We should definitely snark if we encounter her but I don't think we should go looking for her to do so.
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)20:25 No.14054720
    The Bard yawns expansively, stretching thoroughly before promptly dropping his trousers. It would appear our hero has grown accustomed to the breezy nature of the woods.

    >Damn straight. It feels good having the wind cares-

    No need for details, sir Bard, though I am not surprised you are most prone to wax poetic when describing your nether regions.

    >Everybody's a critic.

    Not everybody, sir Bard, though one finds it hard not to be in your company.

    Having dropped his trousers in order to liberate his lower body, the Bard wanders around camp, looking for Molly; unfortunately, she is nowhere to be found. Curiously, the other Brigands seem to have vanished as well.

    A cough behind the Bard alerts our hero, letting him know that not all of his captors have left the campsite. Turning around, the Bard sees that Berna is standing behind him, a bemused expression on her face.

    "Why're ye wearin' a shirt but no pants, ya idjit?"
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:26 No.14054728
    >>14054595

    Then go get Catelyn. Get the protective one on our side, possibly fucking her, then we have some backup while we try to cause a revolution.

    Or better yet.

    Loretta.

    "Freeman and slave, patrician and plebeian, lord and serf, guild-master and journeyman, in a word, oppressor and oppressed, stood in constant opposition to one another, carried on an uninterrupted, now hidden, now open fight, a fight that each time ended, either in a revolutionary reconstitution of society at large, or in the common ruin of the contending classes"

    WE THE PROLETARIANS HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT OUR CHAINS. WE HAVE THE WORLD TO WIN. WORKERS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:28 No.14054759
    >>14054720
    Snark!
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:29 No.14054763
    >>14054728
    Catelyn is protective of MOLLY. She's ambivalent at best towards us; then again, so is Tess (and Molly may or may not want bardic cock). Loretta and Berna are the only ones who are openly yandere towards us.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:31 No.14054799
    >"Why're ye wearin' a shirt but no pants, ya idjit?"

    No self respecting bard wears pants, knave!
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:32 No.14054808
    >>14054728
    Maybe we should focus on befriending Molly and through her Catelyn while seducing Tess? That's 3/5 so if we had to do your "revolution" we'd probably come out on top but I'd rather aim for a 5/5 harem.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:33 No.14054819
    >>14054720
    >"Why're ye wearin' a shirt but no pants, ya idjit?"

    Thou vexed brother?
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:36 No.14054852
    >>14054808
    >>14054728
    >>14054763


    >5/5 Harem
    >go to town
    >pick up sex trade workers
    >worker's revolution
    >sovereign in communist state of people willing to fuck
    >all goes as planned

    This is terrible.
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)20:37 No.14054857
    Smiling gamely, the Bard places his hands on his hips and turns to face Berna.

    >No self respecting Bard would be caught dead wearing pants, knave!

    "I s'pose tha's why we found ye crawlin' in tha mud inna middle o' tha road?"

    >What I do in the middle of a public thoroughfare in the dead of night is nobody's business but my own!

    Impassively, Berna stares at our hero for a few seconds before beginning to slowly walk towards him.

    >What do?
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:39 No.14054887
    >>What do?

    SNARK
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:39 No.14054889
    >>14054857
    Pelvic thrust.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:39 No.14054896
    >>14054857

    QUICK, FLIRT!!!!

    "My, my, you're looking tense today. Care for a quick massage?"
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:40 No.14054902
    >>14054857
    Wait to see what she's doing and then snark about it.
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)20:51 No.14055058
    Still grinning like a madman, our hero stands tall, ready for anything Berna may do to him. Anything, that is, except for what she actually does, as Berna savagely grabs the Bard behind the neck and pulls him down for a kiss.

    >I KNEW IT! I KNEW SHE WANTE-

    Unfortunately, our Bard's triumphant thoughts were interrupted by the feel of a rather cold length of what was presumably steel pressing against his groin.

    Breaking their embrace, Berna leaned her head against the Bard's chest as she once again spoke.

    "I saw ye talkin' to th'girls. I saw ye makin' eyes at Tess, an I 'eard that lil' ditty ye sang to 'er. I saw ye talkin' ta Molly, an' I knowed you were talkin' ta Cat down near the water."

    Looking up at our hero, Berna smiled toothily, her expression less a grin and more grimace.

    "Lemme tell ye 'ow things work 'ere, BARD. Them girls? They won't do NUFFINK wivout MY say-so. Sure, they may chafe a bit, but I be the reason they're even free an' ALIVE. Some sweet-talkin' stranger ain't gonna bring us ta ruin an' fightin' like a coupla hens over a scatterin' o' corn."

    >Gods blood, I do believe this woman is psychotic.

    And whatever gave you that idea, sir Bard?

    Unaware of the Bard's internal ramblings, Berna continued.

    "Now, t'day, we're takin' you huntin'. You ain't to do anythin' out there wivout our say so, an' I DO mean ANYFINK. Ye got that?"

    >PICK ONE
    >Snark
    >Nice
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:54 No.14055100
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    >>14055058
    Berna confirmed for Wood Elf.

    And for the love of god, play nice as long as she's got a knife held to our groin.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:54 No.14055105
    SNARK!
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:57 No.14055138
    >>14055058
    >I saw ye talkin' to th'girls. I saw ye makin' eyes at Tess, an I 'eard that lil' ditty ye sang to 'er. I saw ye talkin' ta Molly, an' I knowed you were talkin' ta Cat down near the water.

    Jesus christ, this woman is yandere.

    I bet the angry sex is going to be fucking AMAZING.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)20:58 No.14055145
    >>14055100
    Heretic.

    MORE SNARK FOR THE SNARK GOD!
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:02 No.14055194
    >>14055058
    HER RESPECT CAN ONLY BE GOTTEN THROUGH SNARK.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:03 No.14055207
    >>14055105
    >>14055145
    We're all alone with Berna, you idiots. And she's got a knife to our privates. I really don't think Snark is the best way to go in this situation.

    Nice, for the time being. She is going to get snarked so fucking much later on.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:03 No.14055218
    >>14055058

    We shall snark on the beaches, we shall snark on the landing grounds, we shall snark in the fields and in the streets, we shall snark in the hills!

    WE SHALL NEVER SURRENDER!
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:19 No.14055462
    SNARK
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)21:20 No.14055491
    >And what if they decide they don't want to take the bait? Am I to just stand there looking like an idiot while they decide they don't want to help a poor traveler who seems to have lost his pants?

    Berna's grin grows wider, causing the Bard's apprehension to grow.

    "I was hopin' ye'd say summat like that. I'll tell ye 'ow we know they'll stop."

    As Berna continues speaking, the Bard feels the blade of Berna's knife traveling upwards, barely touching his flesh.

    "Y'see, these're 'ary folk. They 'elp people wot need 'elp. Leastways, tha's wot we kin tell from watchin' their caravan."

    Maintaining a level gaze, our hero replies, though a slight tremor can be heard in his voice.

    >"Ary"? Why should the fact that they've got an overabundance of hair change anything?

    "Not 'airy, ye tosspot. MISSIONarys, ye got tha'?

    >I still don't see why they'd stop and help a naked man on the road; plus, why wouldn't I just run away and stay with them?

    "S'pretty 'ard to run wiv a hole in yor belly, innit?"

    Our hero's eyes snap to attention, immediately focusing on Berna; almost as if in a dream, our Hero feels a line of fire trace its way across his stomach as Berna steps back.

    >Guh... Wha... WHAT IN THE NINE HELLS ARE YOU DOING, WOMAN.

    "S'only a flesh wound; ain't mor'n a little scratch. It'll bleed plenty, though, and that'll make 'em 'ary's stop, see?"

    Sweetly, Berna's voice takes on a simpering tone as she wipes the blood from the edge of her knife

    "Besides, y'can't leave us; you knowin' where our site is an' all, t'would be too risky, see? Tha' little scratch is jus' a taste o' wot ye can expect if'n ye try to get away."

    As the pain travels up our wounded hero's body, the Bard holds his hands to his stomach, the blood from his 'flesh wound' staining his shirt scarlet.

    >That... Bitch...

    For once, I am inclined to agree with you, sir Bard.

    >What do?
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:25 No.14055560
    We deserved that for not snarking. We must Snark.

    (Why the fuck would we try to escape? I'm pretty sure this bard is determined to get his bandit harem.)
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)21:27 No.14055604
    >>14055560
    >(That was the Snark response)
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:29 No.14055629
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    >>14055604
    >>14055491
    >Actions
    >With consequences

    Ohboyherewego.jpeg
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:32 No.14055684
    I suppose we just go ahead with the plan for now, snarking when we can. Berna has gone too far though, we should kill her if we get the chance.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:34 No.14055719
    >>14055604
    We should have snarked harder.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:35 No.14055743
    >>14055684
    To be fair, we've been snarking and snarking her at every goddamn turn because /tg/ thinks their snowflake bard is immune to everything.
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)21:39 No.14055808
    >(brb, dinner. Awaiting more responses)
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:48 No.14055936
    >>14055743
    Bitch, we will snark our way to the gallows if we must, but we will never relent.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:50 No.14055960
    >>14055491
    >(What do?)

    Yes, and I'm sure the infection that will set in there will be so easily managed out here in the woods as well. Lead us to our position, woman. Lt's get it done with.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:50 No.14055966
    >>14055743
    Snarking is what he does, even with this development (which yes is a result of our snarking) I'm going to continue to support the snark options.

    Even though we earned it I'd say that he as a character has sufficient reason to hate berna. She is no longer invited to our orgy as far as I'm concerned.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:51 No.14055992
    >>14055960
    >>14055936
    Its obvious she doesn't that we're snarking; what she cares about is that we're not putting her up on a pedestal and trying to fuck her brains out.

    She wants to be the queen bee.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:51 No.14055995
    Play the part of the unjustly whipped puppy. Particularly when the others are around.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:52 No.14056005
    >>14055992
    >care that we're snarking

    fixed
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:56 No.14056061
    Nice? Snark? Naw, what we need right now is some melodramatic prose.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)21:58 No.14056091
    >>14055992

    This.

    We must use this against her.

    Push her with snark until she can hardly stand it, and then, nice.

    Knock her off balance, and we win.
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)22:00 No.14056131
         File1298775649.gif-(8 KB, 391x644, 1 (39).gif)
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    >(mfw it starts raining AGAIN)
    >(no thunder/lightning yet, but still, FUCK YOU, NATURE, FUCK YOU HARD AND UNPLEASANTLY.)
    >(In unrelated news, I'm having menudo for dinner. Yum.)
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)22:04 No.14056167
    Perhaps we shouldn't simply say snark, but show the narrator our snarking skill.

    BE IN SNARKY PAIN.

    "Oh, my flesh wound bleeds so heavily! Hark, 'ary's! They will help me heal my wound."
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)22:34 No.14056603
    >>14056167
    Sure, sounds good.
    Put some of that bard skill to use.
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)22:36 No.14056633
    Suddenly, our hero's pain-filled reverie is interrupted by a surprised gasp, along with the sound of running feet. Blinking back tears of pain, the Bard sees that Molly has run to his side, pushing his hands away so she can see the wound.

    "Wh-What happened to you?"

    >Oh... Nothing too bad... Its only a flesh wound, really...

    Groaning in pain (though a tad exaggeratedly, if you ask me), the Bard makes a show of his wounds, ending his tirade by glaring pointedly at Berna.

    Rounding on Berna, Molly begins to object to the mistreatment of our hero at her hands before Berna raises a hand.

    "'e'll be FINE, Molly. Ye know s'well s'I do tha' Cat kin patch 'im up quick; 'sides, this way 'e won't be runnin' awa' from th'ambush. Wouldn't want our bait slippin' offa tha hook, savvy?"

    Frowning, Molly grudgingly nods at Berna before turning back to our hero.

    "As soon as we're done, I'll get Cat t'patch y'up, 'kay? She's real good at 'ealin' us."

    Inspecting the wound with a critical eye, Molly pokes and prods the edges of the long tear, earning her a pained groan from our hero.

    "Doan look too deep; shouldn't take Cat but a speck t'patch ye up affer tha job."

    >Ah, I see. And I suppose that makes Berna stabbing me so much better.

    Molly nods cheerfully, her enthusiasm a bit worrying.

    "Exactly! If Berna'd wanted ta kill ya, ye'd be spillin' yer guts out on the ground back yonder!"

    (Cont.)
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)22:40 No.14056669
    >>14056633
    Ignoring the Bard's protests, Molly made our wounded hero sit down on a nearby stump.

    "Now, that wound ain't too deep, but its liable t'git worse if'n ye move too much. Stay put till we come fer ya and say we're ready, y'hear?"

    Cheerily, Molly ran off again, heading back towards her side of the fire to collect her things. Sourly, the Bard watched her go, his ardor at watching her bouncing buttocks tempered by the fiery line across his stomach.

    >Sod off... You... You... Gods blood, I can't even insult you right... Stupid whore...

    That is quite all right, sir Bard. Perhaps I may even get to continue the tale in peace without your wretched interruptions.

    As the Bard sat in abject misery upon his stump, the rest of the brigands filtered back into camp, going about their tasks with clean efficiency. As Tess and Molly sharpened their swords, Loretta sat near the fire inspecting her bow; Berna and Catelyn stood off to the side, inspecting a worn piece of parchment and pointing to various spots on the battered paper.

    >What do?
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)22:41 No.14056688
    >>14056669
    moan, and fucking TRY AND STOP THE BLEEDING
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)22:44 No.14056732
    >>14056633
    >As soon as we're done, I'll get Cat t'patch y'up, 'kay? She's real good at 'ealin' us

    ...Wait a minute.

    Berna = Leader/fighter
    Molly = Use Rope proficiency, presumably thief/Rogue
    Loretta = muscle/fighter
    Tess = seductress/Bard/Rogue
    Cat = Cleric?

    Goddamnit, these aren't brigands; we ran into the typical band of murderhobos, or Adventurers as they are also known.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)22:50 No.14056817
    >>14056669
    Wait. We need to conserve our energy for snarking.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)22:57 No.14056923
    >>14056817
    Exactly! We need to conserve our strength, so that we can snark at a moment's notice.
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)22:58 No.14056938
    Moaning pitifully, the Bard attempts to stop the bleeding of his wound.

    >Rutting... Bugger... GODS BLOOD THAT HURT... Nine hells...

    I see your language has not improved, sir Bard

    >SHUT IT, YOU BLOODY GIT.

    A witty retort, sir Bard, were it not for the fact that YOU are in fact the "bloody" git, as it were.

    >...Nine hells, you're enjoying this, aren't you?

    Let's just say Berna has managed to do what I have never been able to and leave it at that, shall we?

    As our hero continued to gripe, moan, and generally feel sorry for himself, the flow of blood eventually stopped, becoming a slow oozing as the blood began to coagulate.

    "Hmm... Looks perfect, if y'ask me. Alla tha' red'll bring tha' robes runnin'!"

    Turning around, the Bard sourly turned his gaze on Tess, who had come up behind our hero's stump.

    >I suppose you think this is all a big joke, my dear, despite the fact that I was almost skewered by Berna.

    Laughing softly, Tess pulled out her sword, inspecting its length as she continued speaking to the Bard.

    "My, yor more ornery 'an Loretta durin' 'er time o' the month. Ye'd think ye'd be more used ta pain, wot with that big mouth o' you'rn."

    Satisfied with the blade, Tess sheathed her sword once again and spoke to the Bard directly.

    "Ye'll be fine; ye might 'ave a scar, an' it'll hurt more'n a hot poker stuck up yor nethers when Cate's 'ealin' ya, but it'll 'eal. Berna made 'er point; she coulda killed ya, f'she wanted to."

    Suddenly, Berna's voiced called from across the campfire.

    "Get yor gear, ladies! We're movin' out!"

    >What do?
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:00 No.14056957
    SNARK.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:03 No.14056993
    follow plan snarkily.
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)23:04 No.14057004
    >>14056957
    >(You know, I asked WHAT DO, not SNARK/NICE. Not to be rude, but I can't bounce ideas back and forth if all I get from you is SNARK ALL DAY 'ERRY DAY; input would be nice.)
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:06 No.14057021
    stay with our band of lady adventurers for now.
    After all, we might find ourselves surrounded with coins and cleavage.
    We follow the plan.
    and snark when we can.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:06 No.14057026
    >>14056938
    >Berna made 'er point; she coulda killed ya, f'she wanted to

    You all can! I know that, I still talk back! You don't need to *stab* me!

    Also snark
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:07 No.14057039
    >>14056957
    I concur.

    Furthermore, I move that we proceed with the plan.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:09 No.14057068
    >>14057021
    Yeah, let's go with the plan for now but at this point I think we should keep an open mind about alternatives that present themselves.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:09 No.14057075
    Follow the plan, obviously
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:14 No.14057155
    >>14057075
    I dunno, we should see these missionaries before we settle on helping the brigands.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:15 No.14057182
    >>14056938

    Keep to the plan. Perhaps ask the 'aries what sort of bandit activity is in the area, subtly reseaching out future harem.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:17 No.14057210
    >>14057155

    Perhaps I should have said "Follow the plan...for now..."
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)23:17 No.14057212
    Grudgingly, our wounded hero (both in pride and body) stands unsteadily, the coagulated blood on his wound threatening to burst and flow once more.

    >Gods blood, I need a drink...

    Still holding his stomach, the Bard falls into line at the end of the group of Brigands as they begin weaving a winding path through the forest.

    As the group continues to walk, our hero sees Catelyn and Berna near the front, still arguing and pointing at what he can now see is a crude map. Eventually, Berna gives in, letting Catelyn lead the group in a slightly different direction.

    Eventually, the group ends up near the road; having reached their destination, Berna turned towards the Bard and began explaining his role in the coming ambush.

    "Now, y'listen good; y'jist haf ta lie there onna road, see? Doan go movin' too much, moan all ya like, but jis' doan move from there or answer 'em, n'matter what they say, got it?"

    >PICK ONE
    >Snark
    >Nice
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:19 No.14057244
    >>14057212
    WE SHALL SNARK UNTIL DEATH IF NECESSARY
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:20 No.14057255
    >>14057212
    Do you even have to ask?
    Snark the FUCK out of them.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:20 No.14057259
    Snark.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:21 No.14057270
    >>14057212

    Nice.

    Cuz smiling while yer bleedin' is Bardy to the core
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:22 No.14057289
    >>14057212
    SNARK
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:24 No.14057316
    Why do you guys have such a hard-on for Snark? Is it just to be contrary, or do you think its cool?
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:29 No.14057370
    Fake snark, but obviously nice.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:29 No.14057374
    >>14057316
    /tg/ just can't stand the fact that a woman has power over them, let alone the fact that she had the audacity to hurt them (despite knowing full well she is a brigand who has killed multiple times and the fact that they continually defied her authority).

    Even if the Bard dies, it will be a perceived moral victory for the Bard, as he "kept going in the face of the domineering bitch". At least, that is how /tg/ will interpret it.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:36 No.14057462
    >>14057374
    >>14057316
    Or because we enjoy it and have snarked everyone, even the guard from the beginning. We will not stop now.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:44 No.14057559
    >>14057374
    ...Or we have snarked EVERYONE and aren't going to stop because of a flesh wound.

    Snark.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:45 No.14057562
    >>14057316

    Because nothing so sweet as a tsundere, because nothing's quite so beautiful as getting into someone who thought that she wasn't capable of that.

    Snark's a good leverage. Then, when things are right, in comes the Stilleto of Nice.

    Snark's a good way, because that sort of character needs to start with respect for us. Or at least, learning that we're not like everyone else. And a bit of skillful, tactful defiance does that well.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:45 No.14057570
    >>14057374
    >/tg/ just can't stand the fact that a woman has power over them,

    >woman

    >implying we wouldn't snark to anyone anywhere, despite sex or social position


    We'd snark to motherfuckin' Morgoth, if we could.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:48 No.14057600
    >>14057562

    A thousand times this
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/26/11(Sat)23:48 No.14057607
    >Y'see, I'd love to do that, but I wouldn't want to get any dirt on my stomach. I got stabbed, you know, right here!

    So saying, the Bard pointed at his wound, the edges having now turned an angry red color to match the caked blood which made streaked patterns of scarlet down his legs and thighs.

    Gritting her teeth, Berna brandished her sword at the Bard, pointing the end at the edge of our hero's wounds.

    "Quit yer belly-achin', ya idjit. Once we take out these 'arys, ye'll get patched up jist fine by Cat. Now, go lay down inna mud, like a good little piece o' bait."

    >Or what? You'll stab me? Been there, done that, and I do believe I'll have the scar to prove it!

    Her eyes hardening, Berna took another step towards our hero, a thin sheen of sweat appearing on her brow.

    "Doan tempt me, ya idjit. If'n I cut on ya again, it won't be no lovetap like that scritch I left ye with."

    Having said that, Berna motioned towards Tess and Loretta to grab the Bard's arms. Smiling apologetically, Tess took the Bard's left arm in a loose grip, while Loretta grinned evilly and held our hero's right arm in a vice-like grip. Grudgingly, the Bard allowed himself to be led out into the road the two brigands lay him down in the mud.

    >Great... My belly's cut open, I'm sitting up to my nethers in mud, I haven't dipped my wick in four days, and I don't have any pants on.

    Need I remind you that YOU took off your pants voluntarily, sir Bard?

    >You're going to be like this all day, aren't you?

    I just might, if you are going to maintain such an attitude, sir Bard.

    As the Bard lamented his current state of affairs, the distant sound of wooden wheels and a booming voice drifted through the woods, seeming to come from farther down the trail.

    >What do?
    >> blackmetalchick !wseTp3T8Ok 02/26/11(Sat)23:50 No.14057635
    Cry.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:51 No.14057639
    >>14057607
    Lie there in a sexy fashion.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:51 No.14057644
    >>14057607
    Moan in pain like the miserable wuss we are.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:52 No.14057650
    >>14057607
    Follow the plan. Snarkily.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:52 No.14057661
    Roll around and make pig noises!
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:53 No.14057666
    Moan and shift about in pain. We can do that well.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:53 No.14057676
    >>14057607
    >Quit yer belly-achin', ya idjit

    Fuck you to, Berna
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:54 No.14057689
    >>14057661
    >Roll around and make pig noises!

    And thus the Bard comes full circle, once again acting like a pig in the middle of the goddamn road.
    >> blackmetalchick !wseTp3T8Ok 02/26/11(Sat)23:54 No.14057690
    >>14057639
    >>14057661
    Alternately, I like these.
    Perhaps seduce the mercenaries?
    Missionaries?
    Whatever it is, we can fuck it.
    >> Anonymous 02/26/11(Sat)23:57 No.14057728
    Start singing mass prayers while simulating pain.

    We'll do the job, and probably get some compassion out of the girls with the scene
    >> Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)00:06 No.14057835
    >>14057728
    That strikes me as one of the few forms of music we might not know quite so intimately.

    What the hell, try anyways.
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/27/11(Sun)00:08 No.14057874
    Lying on the ground, the Bard decides to do what comes naturally and resume his moaning and groaning. Clasping his stomach, the Bard continues moaning as the sound of singing draws closer.

    Looking up from his moaning, our hero sees that a large cart has stopped in the middle of the road, approximately thirty feet away. Two burly men are drawing the cart, while a woman sits on the cart. To either side of the cart, three men and another woman look forward curiously, straining to see why the procession has stopped.

    "HALLOO, TRAVELER! BE YOU NEEDIN' HELP?"

    Mindful of Berna's warning, our hero continued moaning; considering the sorry state he was in, it was not much of a choice.

    Slowly, the sound of wheels moving forward again came to the Bard as he lay moaning. As the cart approached within fifteen feet, one of the men pulling the cart again tried to call out to the Bard; unfortunately, his call was cut short by a sharp cry of pain as an arrow materialized in his arm.

    Roaring in pain, the man reached into the cart, hauling out a large hammer. With a shock, the Bard noticed the other travelers had done likewise, the other bearer arming himself with a rather large club and the four people to the side of the cart withdrawing large Warhammers from the back of the cart.

    Before the Bard can question why missionary caravan appears to be rather well armed for simple religious folk, an answer comes in the form of the injured bearer bellowing out a challenge.

    "WHO DARES TO ATTACK THE MILITANT ORDER OF ROLAND THE JUST WHILE WE EMBARK ON PILGRIMAGE?"

    >End for the night. 20-30 minute Q&A now!
    >> Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)00:11 No.14057915
    >>14057874
    FFFFFFFFFFFF--
    >> Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)00:14 No.14057947
         File1298783658.jpg-(336 KB, 1024x768, 1283584551726.jpg)
    336 KB
    >>14057874
    >"WHO DARES TO ATTACK THE MILITANT ORDER OF ROLAND THE JUST WHILE WE EMBARK ON PILGRIMAGE?"
    >> Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)00:14 No.14057952
    >>14057874
    ...We're in trouble.

    I missed all but the beginning of last week's story, how did that go? Is it archived?
    >> Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)00:15 No.14057963
    Welp
    >> Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)00:16 No.14057971
    Doesn't sound like they're armoured, the bandits still have the advantage.
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/27/11(Sun)00:17 No.14057985
    >>14057952
    It never got past the beginning; due to a power outage, I was not able to finish it. It was archived on easymodo, but not on suptg; as such, while it will remain canon, I will leave its ending up to the speculation of /tg/. The Beast of Crenshaw occurred approximately 6-8 months before Coin & Cleavage.
    >> Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)00:17 No.14057991
    >>14057874

    This is trouble lads.

    Our best bet would be to somehow disarm this situation, endearing ourselves to our captors and keeping everyone (ourselves included) unmurdered.
    >> Anonymous 02/27/11(Sun)00:19 No.14058017
    Time to bluff our merry little bardic heart out.

    Convince the Militant Order that our merry bandit crew was, in fact, our own adventuring party, having been separated after a battle with Nefarious Things of Nefarious Nefairiousness. Clearly, they had just come across their companion, the much beloved bard, injured, with a number of unknown persons in front of them, and jumped to the wrong conclusions by means of an arrow.

    Save the bandits, soothe the missionaries, acquire heroism in they eyes of the ladies, and snark like we have never snarked before.
    >> Narrator !qgQuiLLBw2 02/27/11(Sun)00:34 No.14058179
    Thread has been archived

    Coin & Cleavage 3
    http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14054414

    And with that, I bid you adieu.



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