The Party's Rogue Trader's corpse was eaten by their kroot cook / toxicologist. After all, there was nothing in the contract that said he COULDN'T.

We all laughed. Except the Rogue Trader.

>I made them fight a Chaos Space Marine dreadnought. They dropped a cathedral on it.

I like your group.

>>14564374
Your story is bad and you should feel bad.

>>14564374
>kroot cook
That HAS to be interesting dinings, since Cook is an Int-based skill, and don't Kroot start off with less of it? Especially since I'm not even sure they have the same sorts of taste sense that humans do...

>>14564374
>>14564397
>it's Shas

>>14564397

Have you ever read Shas's stories? The Rogue Trader DESERVES it.

>>14564413
I, for one, have not. Are any archived/screenshotted?

>>14564392

My group dropped a Black Ship on a bunch of Necrons. Of course, we didn't know they were THERE at the time, but hey.

I also killed a Talos by punching through its armour with a belt of live frag grenades, that was fun.

"What is this? It's juicy."

"Breast meat."

>>14564374
So, is Kroot chef like, the standard trope for an RT game?

>Navigator
>jerk

Redundant.

>>14564455
It SHOULD be, but it's actually not. They start off with less INT-base than humans, so unless the player was actively directing their character to have high Int, possibly also high Fel (can't have a chef that don't make smalltalk with the customers), it's actually rather hard and involved.

>>14564455

Yeah. I assume so. But my kroot chef mixed poisons on the side for fun.

>>14564449

Very nice. I threw my group up against a Talos as well. That was funny.

>>14564435

There's a pair up on suptg where the party goes to Commorragh, and later the Black Library. The only reason they were there is because the Rogue Trader promised a condition-free favor to an Archon or something. I would have killed him if I was in that game.

And we're STILL waiting on the finale with Necrons or something.

>>14564469
I only say it because my first character was a Kroot and his role was as the ship's chef. And I don't think they really NEED a high int. Failinf the test could just represent them making something unpalatable for the human crew members. I retired him after two sessions, though, because he was the epitome of a glass cannon(str>50 with a thunder hammer)...and I didn't have anywhere for him to develop. I didn't just want to be a bunch of hamfisted, Looney Toons-style cannibalism jokes. He was fun while he was there, though.

>>14564470
My group shot down a valkyrie by having the arch-militant shoot a grenade into the engine intakes.

>No Seneschal
your group sucks, OP.

My RT group is stupid and lasted two sessions.

>>14564485

I could tell that story, but I fear it may be too late right now, and I only tell story if someone asks for it.

My arch-militant challenged the son of a corrupt Imperial governor(whom I'd also killed) to an unarmed brawl, mano a mano. The governor's son said something about me ruining his chance at succession. I told him I'd ruin his good looks, too. I won initiative after specifically doffing my pistol, rifle, whip, and armor. I simply walk up to him and ask the DM if that counts as being in point blank.
His face when he realized I didn't get rid of my forearm mounted shotgun pistol was glorious.
One called shot to the face later, and we've cowed a group of rebels into surrender due to my "punching" their leader's face into oblivion

>>14564485

Commorragh and the Black Library?

>>14564551
Can we hear the story, Shas? I really want to know how it turned out.

>>14564581

its fuckin' 1 am y u do dis to me

>>14564589
Then start a thread tomorrow and tell it. But at least post it sometime, please? I do want to know just how fucked up it got.

My group has no Rogue Trader. The Voidmaster, helmsman, and Captain fills the role, albeit unofficially.

They attempted to take over a space station, and got mixed up in a counter-coup. Ended up commanding the opposing force to surrender and/or cease hostilities with the rather imaginative threat of "Space Hanging" the lot of them.

All involved agreed it was an excellent session, even if they got their ship crippled by a confused inquisitor.

>>14564613

I may as well tell it now. Be warned, after typing it out, I checked it in word, and it's 23 pages long.

'ere we go...

It was time. The players were aboard their ship, and the path to the Aeonic Forge lay before them, shimmering in all its glory.

And the Rogue Trader wanted to go shopping.

"Okay, first we need to head to the nearest trade port and-"
"Rogue Trader, they'll shoot on sight there!" exclaimed the Voidmaster.
"Then we'll find one that's friendly to us and-"
"No. There are no more that are friendly to us. Farotek destroyed them all." notes the Seneschal.
"That's impossible."
"So is a gigantic moon-sized library and a battle station that can destroy worlds." retorts the Explorator.
"There's only one way to answer this."
(Read: try to last chance grab at shopping time)
"GM, can we go to a trade port?"
>That's up to you guys. Although getting out of the webway is...difficult.
"Dammit, Rogue Trader, we need to go NOW!" yells the Arch Militant.
"...fine."

>>14564620
>23 pages
My anus is prepared...

They take their ship through the webway, a two-week trip. At this time, everyone simply readies themselves for the upcoming battle. Finally, it's time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbwjA0UWWZQ

The Aeonic forge awaits them, shining metal and strange green energies arcing across the blackness of extragalactic space. There are no stars to ruin the view. The Rogue Traders' cruiser, the Windu's Saber, and their Light Cruiser, the Paradigm, begin their approach to the Forge.

"So let's take out the engines!" says the Arch Militant.
"Um, the thing is as wide as Jupiter, and there are no engines," notes the Voidmaster.
"So how does it move?" asks the Rogue Trader.
>That...is the million dollar question.

The peaceful silence was interrupted as something moves in incredibly fast.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOt4GXRuyoo

"The Ker-heb is aware.
The Ker-heb understands.
The Ker-heb has seen the Enfleshed."

The only transmission recieved from the incoming Scythe Harvest Ship. The Scythe could turn on a dime, move nearly anywhere it needed to be, and if it rolled well enough, its Particle Whip lance ignored void shields. Its living metal hull could absorb hits, and its armor was greater than even an Imperial battleship.

One funny bit:
"Wait, it was 25 damage?" Asks the rogue trader.
>Yes.
"HA! If it's a Strength 2, it mean's it's a battery, and can't be put on a prow slot!"
He then adopts this shit-eating grin, and breathes a sigh of relief.
>Well then. Good thing it's not a battery.

I never saw a black dude turn so pale.

The Scythe circled the players, moving in all sorts of directions that a human ship would be torn apart attempting. After a grueling fight, where the players' Tyrant cruiser was reduced to about 20 hull integrity, they finally forced phaseout.

The Rogue Trader then decides to ask about it. Explorator rolls his knowledges, and he gets the following.
>Necron battle doctrine is usually to phaseout when reduced to 50% hull integrity or lower.
At this point he went white as a Frenchman's flag.
"Fifty...percent? We brought that thing half? That's not fair. Totally not cool."

In all actuality, they brought it down to 2 hull integrity. I was just toying with them.

>The More You Know: Ker-heb is ancient Egyptian term for a Lector Priest, one who speaks the rites of the dead.

At this point, it all went to hell.

They lost 50% hull integrity, and 50% Morale. Thus, they needed to test for Mutiny. They did this once before - one of the two sessions the Rogue Trader was not there. Seneschal was about to simply fix the problem, but then

"Wait. We never did this before."
>Yes, we did.
"Nuh uh. When."
>When you weren't here.
"Don't worry. We can solve this easily.
"NO. WE CAN'T. I MAY HAVE BONUSES."

Thus the game drags on for an hour while Rogue Trader realizes he does NOT, in fact, have bonuses. He wasted everyone's time scrimping and begging for +10s, as well as insisting the rules must be shown to him, a fact that the Voidmaster later confided in me, really annoyed her.

One thing of note - with the reduced crew, the journey took an extra 5 days of sublight travel. While the Rogue Trader was walking around, he suddenly felt something behind him. He turns around, to be greeted with the glowing green eyes of a tall metallic skeletal figure holding an ornate staff.
>We know you, Enfleshed.
"Who are you?"
>I am known as Nomarch Sobek, Strength of the Royarch. My masters watch you.
"Are you with Farotek?"
>The Royarchs watch their newest toy. It is interesting how easy it was to deceive him.
"Is he here?"
>He has taken many of our gifts. He takes the form of the Sepa. You cannot defeat him, Enfleshed.
"Will you help us?"
>Your words are...funny to me, Enfleshed. You will fall here. You will die wondering why, and my masters will be amused.
At this point, he phases out.

Rogue Trader turns to me.
"wow. You dick. Thanks for telling me I'm gonna die."
I open my mouth to respond, but then Voidmaster screams,
"SUCK IT UP, ROGUE TRADER. STOP WHINING. HE'S NOT PICKING ON YOU! YOU'RE THE GODDAMN CAPTAIN! ACT LIKE ONE!"
>I cannot lie. Strange energy fluctuations were detected in central processing core. More study on phenomena required.

The group continues on, eventually parking above one of the rear structures of the Forge. Rogue Trader, the only one with knowledge of the Forge, realizes that the only weak point of the Aeonic Forge is the Reactor, in the center of the Forge. Augur arrays reveal a large number of heavy Gauss pylons and tesla turrets, so driving the ship straight there is impossible. However, access canyons across the structure should lead to the reactor. The party would need to fly in low to avoid the turrets, and then find the structures that lead deeper. The players (and Fluffles) embark, and then the Voidmaster takes them low, into the trenches.

Everything is fine for a moment, until they hear a familiar sound over the auspex.
"Well then. I was wondering when you would get here."
Farotek.
"I heard about your little hunting trip, how you encountered a strange beast. I simply had to have one myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcpVyER_UTA

The Geoform-187 launches out of one of the wall ports, and flies at nearly supersonic speeds past the cockpit of the Aquila. But it's not that simple now. Covered in living metal, with strange new weapons integrated into its frame, the Meta-Geoform turns to attack.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LMswiOuUko

The tactic the players picked up on was to use the Aquila autocannons to break its chest armor and expose places to shoot. Otherwise, the thing was functionally invincible. And they needed to keep laying fire, as the living metal armor regenerated. It was my first time in my 2 years of GMing trying out a "Weak Point for Massive Damage" gimmick.

Anyway, Seneschal actually grapple hooks the thing and distracts it. This meant it never flew in front of the Aquila, and its armor regenerated. Seneschal flies back after he realizes he's probably gonna get his ass kicked.

Rogue Trader takes out his Wrath, Aims, gets a body hit. He rolls righteous fury, and then righteous furys the righteous fury. He then grins, rather loudly announcing, "FIFTY-ONE, PEN 8. THAT THING IS DEAD." and begins that weird half laugh half breathing thing.

I turn to the table.
>I almost feel bad for saying this, but watch that smile disappear.
>The blast gets absorbed into his armor, and he doesn't seem any worse for wear.
Rogue Trader's eyes go wider than radar dishes, and his mouth hits the floor.

>To be fair, I actually did apply damage from the righteous fury but I didn't let him know.

"But...but...but...51 Pen 8! That would have damaged our Titan!"
>His armor was up.
"But...wow. Not fair. That was 51 Pen 8."

For about an hour all he did was lament 51 Pen 8.

After a long fight against Ultrathermal Flamestrike Projectors, Meson Bombs, Kinetic Breath weapons, and the damn thing's physical attacks as well, the explorator finally kills it...with a dodgeball.

>Let me explain. When he first made his new character, he announced he was German. So I said, "Then you must spend 18 hours a day farming schpupel for your liege." I laughed it off, until he actually tried to find some. Then I needed to figure out what schpupel was. The Merchant just happened to have some schpupel seeds. These grew into half-pipe shaped trees that produced a dodgeballs and skateboards. It was supposed to be a one-shot joke. Hell, we all laughed though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCgZ4dmPYOs

Finally, the Voidmaster lands the heavily damaged Valkyrie at the end of the canyon. A large imposing structure stood before them. Entering it, there is nothing but silvery corridors. Strange energies can be seen flowing through the runes adorning the walls. They finally get to a wide open area. At this point the Explorator turns to me.

"Hey, did I have my vision yet?"
>Oh, fuck.

You see, he asked if he could have a roleplaying vision that would guide him into Master Enginseer.

>Uh..well...you walk in this room. There's a...big thing there. You see it, and you get a flashback. You're back on the ship sleeping. Suddenly you get a vision. Describe it, it's your vision.

He promptly goes to describe something straight out of FUll Metal Alchemist, the Gates of Knowledge or some shit.

I laugh. And then interject.
>As the gates open, you see a large man covered in tattoos holding a bone saw and a power drill. As you fly toward the gate, Bubba opens his arms.
"Oh no..."
>You get your vision, but your ass feels strangely sore for a day or so.
And we laughed.

From behind the big mechanical thing, walks a familiar face.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vd_NSb7K0d0
Harsten Draze.

"It was only a matter of time. Farotek said you'd be here."
"Indeed." says the Seneschal.
"There's nothing more that really needs to be said, is there?"
"Not really." says the Seneschal.
Draze smiles. "Then you know what is coming."

The Voidmaster opens the battle with her meltagun, hitting one of Draze's lackeys. Upon contact, suddenly they ALL burst into flame. Their skin and whatnot burns away, revealing the Pariah modifications.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPPCKJS5MRw

It was a really hectic battle. Draze and his six Pariahs had warscythes. The best moment?

"Draze hits you all three times."
I go to roll damage.
"HAAAAAAAAAAAA. Shield says fuck off. He can't touch me!" gloats the Rogue Trader.
>Your shield flares up, but the warscythe seems to cut through it as if it wasn't even there.
The Rogue Trader opens his mouth, then stops. He turns to me.
"Wow. Campaign's over. This sucks."
"What? Why is the campaign over?" asks the Arch-Militant.
"Because the captain died. You can't continue on without me."
"Uh, yeah we can." noted the Seneschal.
"But you need a Rogue Trader."
>Technically, you don't. It is helpful, but not needed.
"So why did I make a Rogue Trader?"
>Because you chose to.
"Well, what now?"
>That is up to you.
"Now we need to avenge our captain! Just calm down, Rogue Trader." said the Voidmaster.

The party continues on, fighting through the enemies. The Arch-Militant actually burns a fate point to rush in, grapple, and force a grenade down his throat. As it explodes, Draze's headless corpse turns to the Arch-Militant.

"Sometimes...you gotta risk it all, if you want to win big."

Draze's vocoder finally shuts down, his laughter fading into nothing, as he phases out. Mopping up the pariahs was simple at that point. The players bring the Captain's body back to the shuttle, say a few words, and go back to the room they were just in. It was at that point we decided to call it for the first session.

The second session resumes exactly where they left off. The game took a bit to get set up because I decided to cook dinner for the group that night.

Rogue Trader has now rerolled a Gland Warrior, and will be referred to as such. His first words?

"So I'm with you guys now, and-"
"How?" asks the Arch-Militant
"I was always on the shuttle. I was the captain's secret backup."
>What.
"Yeah. I grabbed all his stuff, and-"
>No. You never mentioned that stuff before. You're just trying to loot your own corpse.
"But-"
>No.
"Then you guys need to go back and-"
"Why would we go back? We don't know about you." says the Arch-Militant
"But-"
>Enough.

The players then continue on, through additional corridors. they finally reach a door. Once again, eldritch energies course through it, though upon approaching it, it seems to open. Passing through, the players gaze upon a desert expanse, no plant life, no animal life, just sand, rocks, and

black metal obelisks. The players begin to traverse the precipeces, until they hear a strange whirring. From behind them hovers a green crystal attached to a large black pyramid.

"Oh my god, we can't take that!" Gland Warrior yells.
"Shut the fuck up, dude. You're not even here yet." says the Arch-Militant.

The Monolith charges up its particle whip, until the players hear a whistling. The Monolith is struck by something that pierces right through it, as it begins to fall.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llxpUdS-DLQ

"I told you, the hood always got yo' back!"
You see, Ship-level railcannons tend to do that, and Shas'o Korst'la has a tendency to make an entrance.

"Oh man, are we glad to see you! Exclaims the Seneschal."
"Our shipboard repairs are complete. We figured you might need some help. I even dragged Khodexus out here. We're gonna find a place to land. Your ships followed us through the short jump. We're thinking that desert."

You know, the party never asked why Korst'la, Khodexus, and Jamal travel together.

>>14564767
>>14564781
Ahhhhh... I'd forgotten just how much I love to hear about your Rogue Trader doing something stupid and being surprised there are consequences. Hey, did he ever bother trying to find out anything about 40k at all?

>dragon-ripley thing completely ignores damage
>captain "lolrocksfall" dies.

This story started out cool but is now just annoying the shit out of me.

The party runs over towards the new landing site. It takes about half an hour to get to the landing site, the Tau and occasional Dark Eldar setting

up some basic prefabricated structures. Jamal, the Black Panthers Techmarine, walks up to the players.

"I also called in a few homies. They should be here right about...now."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pl1xATrGMtg

The Strike Cruiser "Black Power" warps in overhead, followed by the Battle Barge "I Would Have Been Your Daddy," its Nova Cannon shining against the skyline. Gunships begin flowing out toward the camp, as prefabricated structures are launched.

"Now that's what I call support." says the Seneschal.

One of the Storm Ravens lands next to one of Korst'la's Phantomfish transports. Out walks an impossibly tall man in ornate artificer armor, holding a large Spanker-pattern rocket launcher. Chapter Master Johnson of the Black Panthers looks around, and sighs.

"Techmarine Jamal, what have you gotten us into now?"
He turns to the party.
"You're here for Farotek, I assume?"
"Yep."
"That jackass destroyed one of our recruiting worlds. I'm gonna shove these rockets so far up his ass they-"
"Um...right."
"Right. I'll be in the command bunker. When you're all ready, find me." Chapter Master Johnson then walks off.

At this point, the Aquila they left behind, still smoking, lands next to them. It is slathered in purple paint. Mekdok Uzgob walks out of it,

followed by a number of his boyz, also covered in purple.

"Boss, I sent my best boyz to get yer fighta for ya. And we brought da rest of your boyz!"
"Oh good. Is the captain's corpse still there?" asks the Seneschal.
Dr. Angkor Thrax walks out. "Hmm. Parts of him, yes. He was strong. It was good to have that strength."
"..."
"..."
"...did he..."
"...just..."
>Roll Knowledge Xenos
"Oh no...I made it." states the Voidmaster sadly.
"So did I..." adds the Explorator apprehensively.
>Kroot Shapers eat the corpses of those they respect or deem important. This way their genetics are passed to the Kindred.
"HE ATE ME?" yells the Gland Warrior, "HE FUCKING ATE ME?"
"Yeah. He respected you." states the Explorator.
"YOU'RE NOT GOING TO AVENGE ME?" screams the Gland Warrior.
"You were already dead. And besides, Kroot do that."
Gland Warrior then goes to sulk for a bit.

The Explorator goes to get some things done in one of the prefab enginseering shrines. He passes by Jamal, and heads into an isolated room. While working on a Power Axe, he gets the feeling that something is watching him. His servo skull looks behind him. Glowing green eyes. Explorator immediately snikts his natural weapons, and turns to attack. Nomarch Sobek raises his hand, and a flash of green overtakes the Explorator. His mind still works, but his body is seemingly out of sync with time.

>Child of the Dragon, why do you persist?
"We want to kill Farotek."
>You will fail in that regard. Or maybe you will not.
"What do you mean?"
>The Royarchs tire of their latest toy. If he falls, he will not come back.
"Why are you telling me this?"
>Death is foreign to us, but not to you, Child of the Dragon. We find your endeavors amusing.
"You won't in a while, comrade."
>Ah, but that is where you are wrong. We die, we come back. No such gift exists for you.

The green eyes phase out and the Explorator returns to normal time. He walks out of the room.

"Herr Jamal, you might want to be aware of Necron Lords around here."
'Ha! Necron lords! That's a good one! If you really saw one, you wouldn't be standing here!"
"Da, that is what I thought too..."

>>14564829
>And then all the Kroot were bumbling overconfident egotists

>>14564819
Chapter Master Johnson?

...+50 internets.

At this point the Seneschal is standing next to the Aquila lander.
"Wow, it sure would be convenient if someone else was aboard this ship!"
>Gland warrior, you find yourself in a small dark place."
"I kick around."
>You hit a door.
"I kick it hard. 3 degrees of success! I break that door! I-"
>Seneschal, you see one of the storage lockers of the Aquila begin to shudder.
"FOUR! FOUR DEGREES! DO I BREAK IT?"
>Seneschal, the door shudders harder.

Seneschal opens the door, and out falls Gland Warrior.
"Where's Farotek?" he gasps.
"We're looking for him as well, Mr. Emphysema. Care to join us?" asks the Seneschal.
"Yeah. But I need better gear."
"We can take care of that."
>Dude, you sound like a drugged up homeless guy...wait, you ARE a drugged up homeless guy.
>And we laughed.

>mon visage quand Rescue Closet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F66FKfIzFuk

The party decides to go to the briefing room. Korst'la and Johnson are already waiting there.
"All right," Korst'la announces, "We can begin."
"We've discovered the reactor is being surrounded by an energy field, ringed by Tesla towers and Gauss Pylons. But there may be a weak point. Isn't that right, blueberry?" says Chapter Master Johnson.
"Uhm, right." Korst'la stammers, "Three control towers. We take those out, the shield goes down, and we can get close."
"All right then, blueberry! Your midgets can take one, Seneschal, your men can take another, and we'll show the last how it's done!"
"Okay! We'll take the center one!" states the Seneschal.
"Very well, then! We have our mission! Take out those towers! And I'll deal with you later, blueberry."
"I'm going to die..." laments Korst'la.

Jamal walks up to the Voidmaster.
"Do you all have a ship."
She decides to comm Uzgob.
"Uzgob, is our Aquila ready?"
"It is, Boss! *boom* ...It was, Boss!"
"Um, no."
"Well, that's no problem!" Chapter Master Johnson walks up, "You can borrow one of ours!"
"Wow, thanks!" She goes.
"If the Emperor is love, you can call me Cupid! Jamal, go help her."

Passing by the Cadillac-pattern Rhinos and the Buick-Pattern Land Raiders, they finally get to the Oldsmobile-pattern Storm Ravens. Jamal gets a baby seat for the Voidmaster, and starts her on Storm Raven lessons.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_EzTOGqLs4

Finally, it's time. The Voidmaster pilots the borrowed Storm Raven toward the control towers. She punches right down the center. Korst'la's Phantomfish cloak, then reappear right on top of the tower, his battlesuits and soldiers beginning their assault. The Storm Ravens fly high, then begin a dive bomb.
"Okay, I learned this from one of the angrier chapters out there. Let's get tactical, Marines!" as they jump out of the Storm Ravens, all lacking parachutes..

Voidmaster manages a landing, quite difficult even with the booster seat and her considerable skills. But they finally reach the tower, and enter it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6hsdWGF0no

Within is a series of catwalks and grates. Walking across, suddenly they come under fire from the catwalks. Remnants of Draze's men are firing at them, the intent to slow them down. Running across the grates took a little bit of effort under the pinning fire, but they eventually make it.

Entering a large room, they see an elevatus in the center. Taking it up, they are confronted with a hallway of skeletal statues holding strange and exotic weapons. At the end is a solid block of black metal with a glowing green sphere on top. Seneschal grabs a knife off the wall for shits and giggles, and they walk up to the glowing sphere.

"I jack into it." states the Explorator.
>There is no terminal.
"What? What heresy is this?"
>Precisely.
"Fine. I wave my hand over it." says Seneschal.
>Fascinatingly, as you wave your hand over it, a shell of black metal goes over the sphere. The structure stops humming, and it seems the knife you grabbed earlier begins resonating. The green energies seem to stop flowing. You hear something behind you.

The party looks behind them.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbbWUTTCpAs

>It was only a matter of time, I figured. So good to see you all again.
"Farotek."
>You were the last, you know. The last of the largest threats to stability in our sector."
"We're looking forward to killing you."
>And I am looking forward to fixing the problem.

>>14564879
Wait...is this the 3 energy towers level from halo 3?

Two cameos from the same franchise in one session? for shame.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgrHQoZ3lM4

He snaps his fingers, and a modified Destroyer body rushes at him. Using it as a sort of hoverboard, he simply drive-bys the players with his Staff of Light. A Quartet of Necron Warriors provide covering fire. The Arch-Militant, Gland Warrior, and Fluffles get stukk in vs the Necrons, and Seneschal and Explorator attach to each other with Mag-Boots and grapple hook around like goddamn spiderman. They fight Farotek in a series of midair battles, while Farotek dodges and weaves.

I should make a note. Gland Warrior used a drug called Slam, which gave him Unnatural S and T for 1d5 rounds, but permanently saps you 1d5 S and Ag.

"I bring on the Slam!"
>Okay, roll duration.
"Bah, one round."
"When will he test for stat loss?"
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Never. Gland Warrior protects me!" Gland Warrior boasts.
>Actually, it doesn't.
"What? But you said it did. You answered me that it did!"
>I answered you exactly the question that you asked. Will it protect you from other drugs? Yes, PROVIDED THERE IS A TEST ATTACHED.
"But it says-"
>Exactly what I have just spoken. If it has a test, you are fine. Drugs will always affect you, and you will NEVER get addicted. However, becoming the Slamwich has automatic and permanent downsides. You can't get around that.
"He's right. I'm reading it right here." Says Arch-Militant.
"But...fine. Then I wouldn't have done that. Instead I'll-"
>Too late. You already rolled for it. You can't simply take back an action.
"That's not fair."
>I give you guys a large amount of freedom and leeway to build your characters however you want, but it is up to you to know the rules.
"But-"
"Don't blame the GM because you don't know how to play your character, Gland Warrior. " says the Arch-Militant.
"..." The Gland Warrior decides to take a breather outside.

Finally, they take out his Destroyer board, and he falls to the ground, pummeling him on the way down.

Does anyone have a link to the previous two stories?

>>14564898

My group considers themselves above Halo. So I can sneak as much as I want into it without them realizing.
_____________________________________
Upon reaching the ground, Farotek smiles.
>My new form, has been most helpful at times like this.
Farotek disappears as an incredibly fast and long new frame emerges, engulfing him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGuEgHH2OI4

Farotek phases through the wall, and the fight commences. With his lower body replaced by the multi-legged frame of the Tomb Stalker, Farotek is now a juggernaut that simply cannot be stopped once moving. Laying down fire with integrated Gauss Flayers, and still using the Staff of Light and its cryogenic powers, the resulting fight brought the Arch-Militant to about 25 toughness and forced the Explorator to burn a fate point. They could have known about the Tomb Stalker chassis, the aforementioned Form of the Sepa, but Rogue Trader died refusing to tell anyone. Phasing through the wall and shooting the group, they finally forced Farotek away, him boring a hole down the building.

In the meantime, Gland Warrior was still facing off against a Necron Warrior. Three of them phased out, but this last one kept rezzing and keeping Gland Warrior stuck in combat. I found it hilarious. He couldn't get a single hit on Farotek. But it eventually phased away.

>The More You Know: Sepa is the ancient Egyptian word for Centipede.

>>14564633
i love you shas, have my babbies?

"Watch yourselves, guys, we just ran into Farotek. He's huge now. Keep an eye out," the seneschal comms over the voxcaster.
"Affirmative." notes the other teams. Taking the elevator down, the party heads outside again. Looking upon the plains, they can see the reactor in the distance, its captured and harvested sun glowing intensely. Above them appears a full-on Tomb Ship.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjmNQG_dGSY

"We're translating..." says Korst'la over vox, "it's saying..."
"We are the Masters of the Forge."
"We are the Servants of the Royarch."

"Wait, how can Korst'la understand them?" asks the Voidmaster.
>Oh fuck.
"He's Tau. He's probably got some Tau translator. Also, he has Khodexus and his people to help." replies the Explorator.
>Crisis averted!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fX63z4acmUo

"All ships, fire at will!" Yells Chapter Master Johnson, as the I Would Have Been Your Daddy, the Black Power, the Windu's Saber, the Paradigm, and Studio 69 fly overhead and begin unloading all their ordnance, from the Nova cannon to the Bombardment guns to the railcanons and lasers. Electricity and light fly overhead as more Necron ships simply begin appearing.

At this point, Asterales Lux possesses one of the Servo Skulls the Voidmaster carries around, and appears in front of her.
"My princeps! Can you feel it?! Battle approaches! Our finest hour!"
She smiles. "Let's go, Asterales."
"Asterales' eye receptors flash blue. "Upon your word, my princeps! It's showtime!" The servoskull then powers down and falls to the ground.

In front of the party rises the immense form of a Crypt Stalker, Farotek's form curled up in its center. It raises its claws at the party, and its Heavy Gauss Artillery Blasters begin to charge.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMQALgAdr_s

A bolt of lightning is heard, as Asterales Lux the Warlord Titan punches his way through the building they were just in, opens his pauldrons, and releases a torrent of missiles and cannon fire. This causes the Crypt Stalker to falter back. The players rush into Asterales Lux, and assume their positions.

"CAST IN THE NAME OF THE GOD EMPEROR, YE NOT HERETIC"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyF5QHLUrj0

The Crypt stalker was by far the hardest fight they had ever been in. At a distance, it shelled them with Heavy Gauss Artillery. In close combat, it phased through shield and armor alike. Its centipedal form would sometimes even curl around the players, constricting them and crushing them within their own armor. By far the most dangerous was its living armor, able to sometimes absorb hits that would decimate even a starship. It could phase through the ground, appearing anywhere on the battlefield that it wanted. It was a series of tradeoffs - stay away from it shooting, nickel and diming it with damage, or get in close to do heavy damage, but lose the benefit of armor and void shields? The players did a combination of both.

Finally, they seemingly damaged it to its breaking point. Farotek guides the Crypt Stalker INTO the reactor.

"Hey, that's not fair. Why can he go into the reactor?" whines the Gland Warrior.
>Why do you think a Necron Titan equivalent was designed to be fair?

He raises his arms, and begins drawing energy from the reactor itself.

At this point, Asterales Lux appears to the Voidmaster.
"He is weak, my princeps, do you see?"
"Let's finish it!" she yells.
Asterales Lux glows. "Command accepted, my princeps!"

Across the screen flash the words:

"ASTERALES LUX - FINAL STAGE"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVuLideHsrs

The princeps control interface folded away, replaced only with a ring featuring a joystick. The entire frame appeared to be shaking. Asterales Lux took a step back. Chain hooks fired from his waist into the ground. The body of Asterales rose, expanded, and opened. Out of the chest of Asterales Lux appeared a gigantic cannon, the size of a starship lance. The gun began charging power, and then the muzzle expanded further. It seemed energy was gathering at the front of the cannon. Targeting lasers shot out from the Turbolasers. And then Asterales Lux fired its cannon. The energy was almost enough to knock over the Titan, despite it being chained down. The blast seemed to go on for a good 20 seconds. Finally, the cannon stopped, and Asterales Lux ejected the spent weapon.

Farotek in his Crypt Stalker was still there, half of him completely disintegrated by the blast, half of him stubbornly holding on. Finally, there is only a single vox cast, from Farotek.

"...we have come to terms."

Farotek falls into the reactor, immolating himself and his Crypt Stalker.

Asterales Lux teleports back to the ship (you know, the players never asked how). At this point, the players receive an urgent message from their ship.

"Um, we have a problem!"
"What is it?" Asked the Seneschal.
"Farotek must have done something to the reactor! Energy readings are increasing!
"Well then come pick us up!" Gland Warrior demands.
"Not enough time. If we pick you up, it will be too late. Wait, what is Uzgob's men do-"
One macrobattery shot later, the players' Chupathingy flies through the air and impacts the ground nearby.
"Use dat, boss! We'll meet ya halfway!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_pAa9252Uo

So began a hectic run through a self-destructing Necron superweapon. The run started easy enough, but as time went on, first defense mode necrons were marching about. At about 25% energy readings, the floor began to burst as gauss energy began exploding from the ground. At about 50% energy readings, smaller bits of the ground were disappearing, leaving only haphazardly bent scaffolding which the Voidmaster had to jump. At about 75%, the gauss explosions increased, leaving a hellish path to traverse. At about 90% energy, they could see their light cruiser on the horizon. The Voidmaster hit the Go Fasta Button, as a pair of jet engines kunnin'ly prepared by Uzgob extended from the Chupathingy hull. Flanking their sides was a Storm Raven and a Phantomfish.

"Hey, you guys need a ride?" asked the Seneschal.
"Sure." replied Korst'la and Chapter Master Johnson.

The Voidmaster burns fate and makes the final jump, careening through the air into one of the Paradigm's cargo bays.
>fukken nailed it omg

Voidmaster immediately rushes to the bridge, and pushes the ship with all she's got. Enginseer routes all power to the engines, blowing fate to give their light cruiser a final speed of 21. They just barely escape the explosion of the Aeonic Forge, of Harsten Draze, of Aleskander Farotek.

"Well, that was crazy." says the Seneschal.
"So what now?" asks the Arch-Militant.
"Well, I happen to know this great restaurant at the edge of the Halo Stars, who's up for it?" says Korst'la.
"Sounds great, blueberry. Afterwards I'll deal with you. Hell, I'll even give you a head start!" exclaims Chapter Master Johnson.
"I'm going to die..."mumbles Korst'la as the unlikely flotilla heads to the Restaurant at the End of the Halo Stars.

And that is the end of the story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1llmy-yTl7k

I turned to the group now.
>You know, I had high hopes for this campaign, and I am proud to say all my expectations were realized. I had a hell of a time GMing this. You were all great players. It was an honor to roll with you all. I can sure as hell say I will never forget you all. And that's all I have to say.

Needless to say, they were speechless for a moment.

>>14564806

Nope.

>>14564808

I'm sorry you feel that way. I attempted to keep as neutral a stance as possible while GMing.

>>14564844

But at least they have super strength!

>blueberry

>>14564978
>Restaurant at the End of the Halo Stars

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14332793/

Oh my god, Rogue Trader really DOES deserve the abuse.

>>14565015

To be honest, that one was unintentional. It was supposed to be a "Restaurant at the End of the Universe" shoutout, set in the first location that came to mind (the Halo Stars).

I didn't realize until later.

>>14565003
Soooo... he's playing in a ludicrously detailed setting with a complex universal backstory, and he didn't bother learning anything about it. And then acts surprised when he dies. Shas, you must be a Saint to put up with that shit without declaring open season on his ass.

>>14565020
I am absolutely crushed because that thread refuses to load on my computer.

I can load anything else, but not that thread.

Well or images but that's just shitty internet.

>>14565038

The other players were mainly spending their time explaining to him why he was wrong.

See, THEY read the codexes and background material that I gave them or they asked for.

That said, I tried to maintain as neutral a stance as possible while GMing. However, I would be lying if I said I did not extract some semblance of hilarity from his self-caused failings.

TAU WILL BE FOREVER BLUEBERRIES IN MY EYES NOW

>>14565038

I would have just kicked him from the group.

>>14565020

Just got done reading those stories.

Jesus Christ the shit that group does.

Every single time I see someone talk about RT, their groups are really huge, like 5-7 players. I've been interested in the game for a while, but there is only 4 of us. Can this game work with only 3 players? If yes, are there any "essential" classes no group can go without? I imagine Navigator is one, is that right?

>>14565471
You can easily run for any number, even one on one. You just need to fill in the un-taken classes with NPCs. For games involving three or less players, this inevitably means a very large cast herd and isn't the best idea for anal or stat-obsessed STs, or for ones that aren't good with NPCs.

Every ship should basically have at least:
Rogue Trader
Navigator
Astropath

All other classes are technically optional, but an arch-militant, explorator, and seneschal are always very, very welcome.

My group had an archmillitant that could kill anything. Anything. And you may say "thats his job!" The issue is that he could kill anything regardless of probability. Or rationality. Things that were 'omg you be ded' were just checkmarks for him to destroy. It got ridiculous. In retrospec, he was a great, intelligent player. But man was it crazy.

>CHAOS DREADNOUGHT
>Sprint talent, meltapistol, krak grenade, ridiculous agility
>Archmillitant runs 60m in a turn out of cover and around behind the dreadnought, ends turn jumping and clinging to its back
>dreadnought spins to unseat AM, fails
>two weapon ballistic meltapistol called shot(engine housing), krak grenade called shot(hole in engine housing)
>since it was two weapon fighting and he couldn't hold on anymore, he deemed that the krak grenade was blowing up at end of his turn
>dodges krak grenade explosion, jumps back 2 meters
>follows up by dodging dreadnought explosion, jumps back 5 meters
>adjusts fancy hat

Also, rules legal rocket jump
>AM jumps up two meters of an 8 meter wall
>Hip shooting talent, fires pistol grenade launcher on short fuse under him, explodes square beneath him
>DODGE EXPLOSION UPWARDS
>grabs edge, pulls himself up
>adjusts fancy hat

>>14565703
>>14564348

These are what is best in Rogue Trader.

I've been looking to play some Rogue Trader. If any online groups are looking for another player, or hell even GM, let me know. AIM in email field.

Shas, it still confuses me why you've got the Rogue Trader player in your group. Do you enjoy having him about as your whipping boy, or do you just not have the guts to give him the boot?

Well nothing much has happened in our game yet, other than finding some pre-heresy Voidstation complete with an AI. I think the mutant voidmistress must have figured out I'm not good at the whole grimdark thing and has talked me into sparing it.

She now wants to buy it gifts so as to win it's trust. She tells me that might have a treasure map or something.

>>14565703

>>14567074

If you replace "treasure map" with "star chart leading to the last known location of an STC" then that's still full of potential grimdark. STCs (Standard Template Constructs) are essentially intelligent blueprints in 40k. They are relics from the Dark Age of Technology, so the actual process to create them is no longer fully understood, and any attempts to recreate them tend to end in a hilariously terminal fashion for all involved.

Plus the Adeptus Mechanicus will do just about anything to find one of those. Whole fleets have been hurled into the void, never to return, on the mere suggestion of finding an STC.

Just don't let any Mechanicus guys hear about the station's AI. They tend to be a little gun-shy about AIs running rampant after the Iron Men nearly destroyed humanity oh so long ago.

tl;dr - AIs and treasure maps are perfectly viable in Rogue Trader but both will wind up pissing off the Mechanicus somehow.

>>14567074

It is a lot better then that mon capitan, those gifts are for a glorius and most logical purpose.

>>14569239

A few people around here incorporated STCs and AI into their game. One person made a troll STC that amused the RT but upset the rest of the party. Another made one that was planning on betraying the party. I think even Shas included one in his game, based off the robot from No More Heroes.

They're not to be taken lightly.

>>14569655
Two characters in my game are brand new to the 40k setting. The Explorator is being much faster to pick things up than the Seneschal.

The seneschal expressed confusion as to why archeotech, heretek, or maletek might be dangerous. To enlighten him, I turned off the lights and made them all watch this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tS2_hdaBzWg

The seneschal screamed when the room started to disappear. I also did admit that, to be fair, that's more of a worst-case scenario.

>>14571419

>>14571419

And THAT is why we use lobotomized slaves, my friends.

>>14571419
I remember this. I remember shouting "ARE YOU SHITTING ME?" at the top of my lungs as her voice began to change. I remember getting into a lot of trouble for that.

>>14571419
Could not have been done better. This is why I trawl page 10 semi-regularly.

'Check it.

After Kickin' all kinds of ass in the Calixis sector, our group and ancient ship "The Crimson Dwarf" decided to see what all the fuss was about in the Halo stars. Enter our crew.

Brazzenonatarious- Rogue Trader who used to be an imperial scribe for a noble house, learned their nobly ways n' how to eat with special forks or some shit, got special logic powers and went all Ozymandias on his nobleman's biggest business rival before he was even 30.

Scrananon- Keeper of guns. He's an arch militant who went to the john mcclain orphanarium academy.

Garken- The Navigator. He looks like the dracula guy from that Jackson Publick show. He knows what we don't know, and sees the stuff between the stars.

Ryan the voidmaster.

Together aboard our expensive ass ship we go in search of more money, cause we spent it all on the ship.

It is pretty sweet though.

>>14576049

I like the sound of your Rogue Trader. Weirdly, the Rogue Trader in my group went through a similar training process. There was a burly bosun standing behind him during stately dinners, ready to rap him between the shoulder blades if he picked the wrong fork or knife.

I occasionally throw a minor Fear test if he has to attend a state dinner. Because I'm an asshole GM.

And the less said about his stint as a Freeboota's "lucky grot" the better.

>>14576049

As fun as all of these are to read, I really do prefer more serious dark humor in games like this. Like, we're all laughing, but the characters wouldn't be? Does that make sense? Kinda like a more bloody Venture Brothers.

>>14564808
Seconded. That and ignoring the gland warrior's drug filters for no good reason. I stopped reading there. Man, you're kind of an asshole.

Let me tell you about my Rogue Trader in the group I run.

Sebastian Worldsworth.

"I'm fucking santa in space", quote from the player.

Sebastian is a giant of a man with a beard to rival his size. When he localizes with the people on a planet he is the sector's top friendliest man ever. He's so friendly and social that he scares the shit out of most people. The fact that he has a deep whiskey voice attached to his giant grin does not help. He usually carries (yes, carries) around the group's poor nerve-shredded Navigator, who simply "tags along", partly against his will at most times.
He also insists on using his "old faithful" stub revolver when he clearly has greater tech to put to use.

Then he steps onto the command bridge.
And he becomes a Brittish commander fighting the Zulus. You could probably shoot him in the leg and he wouldn't even flinch.

He has dubbed this "Commander On Mode."

He has brought me too many laughs to remember and in hindsight I wonder why I didn't bring this player into my group earlier.

>>14576049
I read that in his voice. Well done, well done.

>>14577800

>santa

I lol'd