>He's behaving pretty obnoxious, complaining about my "luck" all the time, and yet continuing to use the same static deployment.
>I see his bros smirking behind his back, exchanging hushed comments about his lack of skill, just loud enough for him to hear that they're saying something
>His reinforcements are melting, but he goes on and on.
>Then he finally loses it when one of my units destroy his skirmishers, a lovingly painted hero figure among them.
>He starts shouting that I "killed his little son", then storms out of the store.
>I walk to his table edge, check the army list he's left and realize that he's had two times my point value in his minis, and still lost.
>His bros just stand and laugh out loud, but then they see that he's left his army case.
>I hear that next week they came to blows about who should get the rich kid's minis.
>MFW


So /tg/, here we describe historical events as if they happened in a traditional game.

What battle was this supposed to be?

What historical battle was this? My history-fu is weak right now.

>>15073130
Carrhae

>>15073130
>>15073143
Jules, rich kid Mark and a guy with foreign name = Julius Caesar, Marcus Crassus and Cnaeus Pompeius (who was of non-Latin descent and had a weird name).

>>15073106
>Surena.jpg
>put "Surena" in wikipedia
>Follow link to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Carrhae

And that's how OP made me learn history even though school's out for summer here. Damn him.

>always want to play 40k tt
>all the gaming shops are FOR MAGIC ONLY
>iv managed to cobble together only 2 platoons of IG from 5 gaming stores around the area.
>buy that huge army set from GW online the one with like 400 fucking Imperial Guardsmen and 4 tanks, it was back when apoc had just came out

And iv sat on it. Since then. NO ONE, plays 40k here. Literally NO ONE. My friends are not interested and even if they are they couldn't really buy an army. Going into the stores is terrible. Magic players are the worst type of people. I come in and they just immediately stop talking, play slowly, and stare at me. But it isn't just me they do that to. Its everyone. Its fucking creepy.

>>15073371
Now, either they missed the point of the topic or my history class skipped all the fun battles.

>>15073371
>Going into the stores is terrible. Magic players are the worst type of people. I come in and they just immediately stop talking, play slowly, and stare at me. But it isn't just me they do that to. Its everyone. Its fucking creepy.

Jesus christ why do they do that? I just want to buy some fucking paints.

>>15073413
I know right? fucking Magic players are weird at least around here.

>>15073371
I'm lost. Unless your gaming stores are American South and 40k players are black people in the 50s, I'm lost.

>>15073433
sounds about right actually.

>>15073433
I live in the South.

Southern Virginia to be exact. Its nothing but fucking Magic players down here man.

>Two of my friends, both of whom HATE each other, decide to have a contest.
>They decide that, although neither of them actually want to PLAY 40k, they're going to see who can outbuy the other guy.
>They begin buying minis
>Russell, this bloated monstrosity of a human who likes his liquor a little too much, is the first to buy a forgeworld titan.
>Mark, a much cleaner-looking fellow with a bit of an ego, one-ups him by getting a titan custom made by some really renowned metal worker
>Russell rages, threatens to punch Mark. Mark threatens to hit him back.
>Nothing happens, Russell moves away, and lives quietly on the edge of town, playing with the same old minis.
>Mark goes on to play 40k like a beast, often playing multiple games at once, working himself into a psychotic frenzy before doing so.
>We all fear the day when Mark will burn down the FLGS.

>>15073496
Cold war?

>>15073518
Yerp. Couldn't think of a way to fit the Berlin wall into it, so I decided to use broad strokes.

>>15073371

You're the American Military?

>Some kid smashed my minis case, turns out at the behest of his older brother despite knowing better.
>I go on to kick his older brother's ass three ways to sunday, steal all his minis, and blow up his house.
>Now we're all sons of bitches.

>>15073405

just felt like bitching up a storm on /tg/

>Inherit older brother's WHF figurines
>Become absolute master of all things Warhammer.
>Figure out new strategies no one else has ever seen
>Beat literally every player that I play.
>Decide to play Mechwarrior against a fellow named Nelson
>Get completely stomped
>God fucking dammit
>Stop playing warhams
>Start playing again immediately
>HEY NEW CODICES WHILE YOU WERE GONE LOL
>Get raped by everyone's new bullshit
>Smash minis, never play again.

>Apoc City Fight tournament
>purposely make an army based on the Russian Army ww2 for the tournament
>10 conscript platoons
>6 Russ Tanks painted to look, well unpainted.
>4 Infantry squads
>9 heavy weapons squads

Thats basically it. I re-enacted Stalingrad by throwing conscripts at chaos marines in close combat. It was pretty awesome. Im not good at green text stories

>>15073620
>HEY NEW CODICES WHILE YOU WERE GONE LOL
>Get raped by everyone's new bullshit

I must admit I lol'd at that one

>Just hanging my flgs some fat guy comes and challenges me too a apocalypse battle. I have only like a 1,000 points ig but say `sure´. he puts down fucking 10,000 points ig. I expect to loose horribly. During the game i wipe out like half his force. ONE squad of rattling singelhandedly wipes out more than an half platon, they seem to be immune to artilliry due to cover save only to be killed on the last turn. He "won" by capturing more points than I, still my face when.

>>15073620
napoleon?

>>15073688
The Winter War?

>>15073688

I'm guessing Thermopolyae

>>15073705
Yes.

>Pictured: Simo Häyä. Killed 552 enemys in 101 days. Gets shot in the head with an expolding bullet 9 days before the war is over kills the shoter and wakes up the day the war ends.

>Acquaintance of mine decides to get into 40k
>He barely has his 'army' of horribly mispainted, underpowered figurines assembled before some massive hambeast wants to play him
>Game is horribly skewed
>1000 points vs at least 5000
>He gets slammed
>Hambeast challenges him to another game immediately
>I feel sorry for the guy, so I let him borrow my Guard minis, and give him advice on how to use them effectively
>He wins, hambeast leaves FLGS in a huff
>We shake hands, I let him keep the minis since I have a shit ton and prefer Eldar anyway.
>Later that night he sneaks into my house and stomps on the space marine army I'm building
>Really, asshole? Really?

>>15073742
He was a boss. That bullet wound fucked up his face, though. Sad thing.

>>15073620
Hahahaha, oh god

>>15073744
I'm going to guess World War 2, Nazis versus Soviets?

>Go to new FLGS in Greece, set up shop with some locals and start playing Warhammer Fantasy
>New guy named Lucas Sully shows up with a bunch of supermodels and actors hanging off of him
>Challenges me to 10,000 point Warhammer game, I accept
>I arrive, we set up the table, and somehow he ends up with over 9000 miles of trenches and bullshit all over his side of the field while I've got chariots and cavalry all bunched up in one corner
>God Fucking Dammit he loses like 3 men and my entire game is ruined
>He makes me buy him new carrying cases so that he can bring his army home in style, and is about to burn down the gaming shop when some of his friends stop him because they'd have nowhere else to play
>hfw

>>15073753
Still he lived to 94.

>>15073768
I guess it could be taken that way. I was going more for the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, with America pulling strings in the background.

>>15073744
This. Osama bin laden/the russian invasion of afganistan.

>>15073773
>He makes me buy him new carrying cases so that he can bring his army home in style, and is about to burn down the gaming shop when some of his friends stop him because they'd have nowhere else to play

I am in tears from laughing so hard. Goddammit.

>>15073790
Proxy wars are fun like that.

>>15073744
You're the French.

>>15073547
Pearl Harbor and the bombing of Japan.

>Local champ at my gaming spot
>have beaten literally nearly everyone except for two guys named Joseph and Winston
>New guy shows up named Franklin
>beats me first on our desert board, then our mountain peninsula board
>He wants one more game, on our beach landing board
>Works for me, I've got machinegun emplacements, bunkers, homefield advantage, etc.
>His deployment gets all fucked up, paratroopers get dropped in the wrong place
>Kill lots of his dudes, force a ton of morale checks
>PASSES EVERY GODDAMN ONE OF THEM
>Kicks my ass

This one should be pretty obvious.

>>15073547
9/11?

>>15073821
Naw, man, that's.
>>15073620

Apologizing in advance if this doesn't make sense, I don't play WHFB, but it was more appropriate.

>So, local THAT GUY plays Skaven and Wood elves. Not a big force, but incredibly hard to fight.
>Guy keeps "forgetting" the rules, pulls a bunch of dishonorable BS.
>Keeps bragging how he could take on any size force.
>I get pissed, and get my Bretonnian list, all knights and bowmen, all day.
>Set up game: he gets 1000 points, I get 4000,
>Fucking bullshit killer terrain and ambushes and ASF
>Long ass game, I win with 300 pts on the board
>I lose to Empire with Steam Cannons next week
>People still talk about that guy's "invincible" army.

>>15073830
no, WWII
"Now we're all sons of bitches" was said iirc by one of the people in one of the bombers that dropped the nukes on Japan

>>15073861

Vietnam war?

>Playing with mah buddy, wants to play meatgrinder. I am like sure why not.
>I have one general and two squads of hardend vets, he has FIVE HUNDRED FUCKING ORKS.
>I still hold out seven turns

check this shit out
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Saragarhi

21vs10 000

>>15073861
Either Vietnam or the American Revolution.

>>15073904
But it says that the bigger force won. In neither of those wars did that happen.

> Tau vs Guard Apoc game
> Tau hiding on island
> fuck it, vortex grenade
> fuck it again, another vortex grenade
> opens hole in warp, possesses tau on island for decades

>Go to a friend's FLGS
>He thinks I'm muscling in on his turf.
>We have a long series of games of 40k to determine "whose" FLGS it is
>I keep losing
>Eventually I end up putting together a ragtag Guard army against his melee-centric Eldar (wut)
>Something like a 2000 points (moi) 5000 (him).
>End up using terrain, basilisks, and exploiting the peculiarities of melee mechanics to fuck his force over
>Still haven't let him live it down

>>15073962
Wich war is this?

>>15074008
The Hundred Years' War. Agincourt, specifically.

>discover a rules exploit that nobody else has
>spam cavalry archers
>win every tournament at my LGS
>win every tournament in my state
>win the national tournament
>can't afford to go any further with my resources
>win a major tournament, lot's of cash
>try to go to China, they won't let me in
>tear down that shitty wall

>>15073932
lol'd

>>15073861

Hmm. According to my research, my initial education in the events of the battle was flawed.

It SHOULD read:
>4000 pts to his 1000, I lost.
>Played again, a week later, 15000 points to his 1000. I still lost 5000 points.

It's Nobunaga Oda's "elimination" of the Iga ninja.

>>15074028
Mongols.

>>15074069
Ah. I'm not terribly familiar with Feudal Japanese history beyond the basics, so that went right over my damn head.

>Guy comes into LGS
>Starts talking shit about how him and his Spehss muhreehns are awesome
>Show of force he crushes weak as fuck IG run by a 15 year old
>Influence 15 year to call for a rematch
>Whispers of tzeentch
>Kid uses IG to great effect
>Fucks up SM player
>Dude shuts up, obviously butthurt
>I decide to stomp kid with my SM force to stop him getting an ego
>Kid uses tactics I taught him to totally fuck up my shit

>Play DnD on IRC, everyone decides to play a different race, nobody really knows anyone but the DM.
>We're out to hunt down an orc force that is about to attack a village.
>We move out and at nightfall make camp by a river.
>Rouge decides to scout ahead and starts a private conversation with the DM.
>We see some fortitude saves being rolled, but not much more.
>After some time our crossbow fighter also crosses the river and starts private conversation
>We others just sit around doing in-chat around the fire. After some time there is an attack roll.
>Suddenly the fighter comes running back screaming "Orcs! Orcs!"
>Chaos ensues, some runs off into the forest
>Suddenly discover that no-one has anything in spot.
>Scream "Stop!" to the others.
>Apparently someone in the group didn't have Common.
>DM says he hear an orc battle cry.
>The bastard attacks me
>Wizard teleports away
>mfw we have an almost TPK and group split without meeting a single monster.

>>15074360
Afghanistan

>>15074360
>Kid uses tactics I taught him to annoy me while I rip his forces apart

FTFY

>>15074376
Ok, I'll bite: What in the hell are you describing?

`>Playing campaign against some friends
>Their main territory is defended all around except a mountain pass
>Try to go through the mountain pass, fail like two thirds of my Difficult Terrain tests, lose a shitload of dudes
>Still manage to win a bunch of matches even though I'm outmatched like three to one pointswise most of them
>Finally advance to a port so that my ally can send reinforcements
>Bullshit ally refuses to send reinforcements, some bullshit about 'defending our HQ'
>Other players just surround my port so I can't get out
>Eventually lose and have to retreat back to our HQ
>The enemy sends their whole army to our HQ
>Ally still won't share his fucking troops, get beaten by this African asshole

>won every match in my LGS with my army
>decide to go to the next LGS
>carry all my mini's in one bag
>sudden gust of wind
>drop the bag, all mini's fall out, everything breaks
>ragequit, never goes to that other LGS ever again
>learn later that everyone in that other LGS makes jokes about their good fortune that winds saved them from 'a cheesy gamer and his unbeatable army'. Fucking pricks.

>>15074376
That's the notorious austrian clusterfuck when some drunk cavalry caused mayhem, someone shouts Alarm! Alarm! to the main camp. Some soldiers not knowing German think they're shouting Allah! Allah! and it's the turks attacking them.

Long story short few days later turks arrive to find over 10000 austrian army troops dead due to linguistical problems.

>Bring about my combat-centric Black Legion force that has 6 units of berserkers
>IG player takes all the terrain and builds a fortress
>lasguns take down someof my berserkers
> IG keeps pulling back as he loses all his men in CC
>I win while firing only a few shots here or their

>>15074538
Oh you poor Mongolian wanker.

>>15074538

Whats really funny is that it probably happened to you twice.

>mailic Kyoto
Even Captcha is in on the joke

>>15074538

Mongolian invasion of japan

>>15074549
I remember reading about that somewhere. Fucking hilarious.

>>15074562
>Black Legion

Is this when the Brits got over-run by the Zulus?

>>15074500

Second Carthaginian War :D

>>15074549
Yeah, forgot to mention that the only member of the party awake when the fighter was coming back was the wizard who started throwing fireballs around like there was no tomorrow.

>>15074387
More like
>Kid loses constantly
>Keeps challenging me to rematches
>Keeps losing
>Eventually, I get bored and go play at a different FLGS

>Been playing off and on over the years with a couple of friends and my brother.
>Brother and me have something of a rivalry going, playing about half our games against each other.
>Occasionally team up against some other guys who seem to like desert themed troops.
>Over all the standard fair, win some lose some.
>Guy shows up with a heavily mechanized army.
>We'd seen him around but he was never that good before.
>Challenges us to an Apoc game with some of his friends versus the regulars.
>Gains some ground in the first round and utterly curbstomps me the second.
>No one will let me forget it, despite my bro and the others offering little to no support.

>>15074669
I guess so.

>Implying the Zulus aren't Orks

Actually, the Black Legion would be the Boers who worked with the Zulus, i.e. who turned traitor against Europe?

>>15074549
What's the battle called?

>>15074838
battle of Karansebes

For fuck's sake /tg/!
Light Brigade are way fucking overpowered! Really, come on, goddamn ridiculous. Fuck the new writers, they're ruining the entire game.

>Playing against someone I've played with a few times before, British player, we teamed up a few times against a French force
>Recently been putting a huge number of points into artillery and rifle infantry
>I see he's mostly got cavalry, so to avoid being outflanked I mobilise early
>While he's getting his shit together I set up in a big valley and get everything locked down
>Realise too late my flanks are open
>He just charges his cavalry force straight down the centre of the valley anyway
>Take out fucking dozens of them
>No morale break, they just charge straight on through, under cannon and rifle fire, their hero unit flees leaving the rest of the unit to fight on its own, and they still beat my fucking cannons and command unit before rushing back to his lines
>Mfw morale is mostly broken and he has most of his force left
Fucking Light Brigade. I'm gonna show the fucker up this time - Build me up a Zulu army, Britain is overpowered shit to Russia now. No way he'll be able to beat that.

>So we're playing Apocalypse on this map that has hills on either side of this river
>that runs across the whole board. I've got the most dudes (and the best painted minis)
>so I decide to be in charge of the Imperial side. Now to be fair, I didn't really tell the
>other guys my whole plan, I just gave them their orders, but I'm pretty sure we lost
>because of the stupid kid and his Marines. First off, this kid (who for some reason
>already has sideburns coming in) has over 1000 points of pretty much nothing but
>Tac Marines with bolters, so he clearly hasn't put any thought into his army. Next, he
>throws a hissy fit when I don't let him borrow some of my guys (he's got enough for
>a kid). So anyway, the game starts, and he's on the left with a big bridge over the
>river, but there's a ton of woods on the other side of the river, and the enemy's Tau
>are set up along the whole thing. So for the first couple turns, this kid just sets up >within 24" and just plinks away ineffectively. I keep telling him to do something, but he
>is still bitching about how I didn't let him borrow more dudes. Turn 3, he finally starts
>moving, but he tries going practically single-file across the damn bridge. I'm like
>"dude, just go across the river all at once and charge him, it's just difficult terrain!
>need you to help out on the other side," but he just loves that stupid bridge so much,
>he wanted to paint his name on it. So because this asshole couldn't charge like two
>squads of Fire Warriors, he never makes it over to help us, and gets his shit wrecked
>when the Necron player's Monolith finally comes in from reserves, spews forth a
>million Warriors, and takes the bridge objective.

>>15075054
>Someone doesn't
>undestand the concept
>of greentext.

>>15075644
>It
>could
>be
>worse
>.
>Probably
>.

>>15075899
I suppose it could.

>>15075920
>T
>o
>o
>
>d
>a
>m
>n
>
>r
>i
>g
>h
>t
>
>i
>t
>
>c
>o
>u
>l
>d
>.

>Buddy of mine is a fat, annoying lout.
>Keeps telling me how awesome his Lizardmen army is.
>I get tired of his shit. We play, me with Empire vs. his Lizards.
>Play first game. I beat him soundly.
>He complains about a bad build. Next week, we play a second game.
>I use the EXACT same list and the EXACT same tactics.
>Still beat his ass a total of five times.

>Defeat everyone in my LGS
>Branch out to nationwide level, defeat everyone
>Branch out to worldwide tournaments, defeat almost everyone
>One faggot left to beat
>Didnt varnish my minis, chipped to fuck, tournament officials deem I cannot play with them anymore
>Fuck this
>Go and get wasted with a few bros before repainting them
>Die due to liver poisoning

D:

>>15076132
I know that feel. NaBroleons for life?

>>15076142

The last two lines suggest otherwise

>>15076149
Didn't Napoleon die from the lead paint in his house?

>>15076155

I dont have a clue, but I'm pretty sure he was talking about Alexander

>>15076142
Pretty sure he meant Alexander. Drinking and all...

>Worldwide tournament
>That guy beats everyone with a cheese mech army created just after vehicles were released
>Manage to beat him with my joke list of nothing but conscripts
>He demands a rematch
>I metagame and create a mech list of my own
>Thoroughly rape him
>He starts crying and demands another rematch
>Tries to copy my conscript list that raped him
>Crush him, wipe out almost all of his forces before capturing the central objective
>He storms out in tears, is never seen again

>>15076223
>mfw you left out the part where that one guy kept giving you free shit and laughing maniacally

>>15076258

He gave me like half a pot of paint and acts like he won the battles for me. Jackass. My little cousin whooped his ass and he had a hissy fit in front of the entire store, was hilarious

>Grey knights vs Orks
>Take Draigo and all paladins
>Against hundreds of boyz, pure spam
>Force him into choke point
>Finally brings in Stormboyz to flank
>Makes his way behind me
>Completely crushed on both sides after killing about 8000 points worth of boyz

>>15076333
about time we got Thermopylae up in this bitch

>Playing M:tG Emperor style.
>I decide to play white(specifically white weenies), one friend decides to play green(elves), the other friend plays red(big red), I'm the Emperor.
>Our enemy is playing a black Emperor and two generals, one blue the other green.
>Red guy(fighting green) gets his ass handed to him for the majority of the game until he manages to get a beefy 6/6 out.
>Green enemy can no longer attack as he'd lose his troops slowly but surely and couldn't take him down fast enough, and even if he did he's under the impression that my mass of troops would slaughter him in a single round.
>Blue manages to get control of one of my angels before he breaks through my green, but I swords-to-plowshare it in response so he can't use it.
>Store closes before any winner can be decided so we unanimously decide to call it a tie.

>>15076413
Changban?

>After taking a short holiday, my FLGS out of the >blue decides that we need to have a City Fight >Tourney.
>Restricted to amount of Heavy Support choices.
>Have been playing a lot of Drop Pod Assault and
>lots of battles in a jungle world campaign.
>Get our asses held back in the opening games >by IG.

>Begin the storyline assault on the heavily fortified >section of the former Imperial city and I win >multiple games... just barely. In the final game an >Allied IG player manages to take the final >objective and win the tourney for us.

Bump.

>Wrath of God
>Wrath of God
>Damnation
>Wrath of God
>Damnation
>Damnation
>Wrath of God
>Damnation

>How about a nice game of chess?

>40k campaign, me v bro, both have Death Korps
>Lots of non-cheesy battles, neither gains upper hand, massive respect all around
>Gets bogged down at one point- Planetstrike game, he attacks my territory and gets a draw
>Continues to launch attacks, I hold but he manages to hold his captured areas. Stalemate
>Eventually play a Retreat battle mission for bonus score
>Somehow he pulls out entire force before I fire a shot, minor win to him
>Fast forward, nearing the end, he attacks a key territory- he takes it, he wins
>I take Thud Guns, lots of Kriegers in trench lines
>He has nothing but Deathriders
>Pieplates keep scattering, infantry keep rolling ones
>HFW/MFW he rolls up my entire force in 3 turns

Seriously, it was over even before his foot-slogger Krieg got halfway to the front.

>>15081576
Gallipoli and Bersherba.

Bumping, pretty cool thread.