>>15896094

"So... do I want my evening staff? Or my twilight staff? Ugh, I wish red would come back in season, so I could finally use my pine-cone-onna-stick again."

>>15896150
But I KNOW the Dragon Staff is just Tacky.

>>15896094

Yeap, I think a lot of the game makers have either "gritty brutal world" in mind or "hero being heroes" thing. I tend to be hero being hero most, but sometimes I just wanna be a regular guy, does a few jobs, gets some money and lives his life.

>>15896161
And I just KNOW that if I take my iron staff that Merlin will take his, and I just CAN'T take the same staff as him."

>>15896094
I don't know. When I play a ruleset like Dogs in the Vineyard or Reign: no, not really, because those are just pretty adaptable and open-ended, and their actual setting/system has a lot of its reasoning laid out.

On the other hand, with 3.5e and Pathfinder: that's practically a defining statement of my experiences with the game.

>>15896150
>>15896161
>not using the blue orb futurestaff
It never goes out of style.

>>15896203
I'd need to change into my brown robes to match the Crystal in the Wood Staff...

>>15896221
I'm sorry, but frankly how dare you even call that a Wood Staff. It looks like you took a branch and shoved a crystal in their. It's home-made, and obviously so. You should be embarrassed to carry it in the streets.

>>15896221
I'd just take a Wand, but then NONE of the Witches would give me even a second look.

>>15896243
Maybe he wants to look like a druid.
You know those kids these days. "Save the Land!" "Magic Destroys Life!"
Sometimes, the easiest way to walk down the street is to look like the kids.
also, Druid bitches give it away for nuts.

Wait, who left this mace on my staff rack?

>>15896261
>Druids
>>15896261
>Witches
My god, man, they don't even wash.

>>15896299
"Oh shit! Jozann didn't take his mace with him last time he visited."

This is why /tg/ is best

:3 luv luv luv :3

>1033 in the Age of Wyrm's Bones
>Wearing plain robes
ISHYWDDT.

>Triple pleat evening-wear robe

Ugh, someone's been reading "Wizard's Own" again for style tips...

Now that I think about it, I really should do something about that magic lamp, it just isn't giving off the light it used to.
And I haven;t even STARTED thinking about what pointy hat I should wear for these robes!

>/tg/ - Homosexual Wizards

He looks like he hasn't combed that bear in decades.

>>15896394
Worry about your beard before you worry about your hat, old man.

>>15896430
He was worried about the Lady Witches. Wanting to look good isn't restricted to gays.

>>15896431
>that bear

>>15896431
Well you can't blame him, combing a bear can be a chore.

>>15896431
>Bear

Oh god, it starts

>>15896449
Witches are too unpredictable to try anything like that on.

>This thread.
I love you, /tg/.

In all seriousness, a legit concern: imagine being a master wizard on the council of sorcery, which meets - let's say once every two years. You lost influence at the last meeting, so you embark on considerable research and several endeavours to locate a famed Staff of the Magi. With a great deal of puffery, you stroll into the next council meeting with this priceless, incredibly powerful arcane artifact held high... and some fucker across from you is carrying one of them too. You'd be super pissed.

>>15896453
Then use magic! Come on, Druids do it all the time!

Dear lord, where is that man's pointy hat? Does he not know that the wizarding starts in an hour?

>>15896531
Maybe he's a Time Mage.

>>15896531
A Sword? A SWORD! DAMN IT GANDALF! Now I need to rethink my ENTIRE wardrobe!

>>15896510
Magic is not a toy! It is to be user responsibly and with respect. Those damn Druids don't have any idea what they're doing, I would hesitate to even call those parlor tricks "magic". Do you have any idea what kind of research goes into real magic? I do not have time to be wasting my powers combing bears!

>>15896545
Please! Chronomancy is so two years ago. Pyromancy is what's hot this season.

>>15896575
Pyromancy? That's so mainstream. Necromancy is where its at.

>>15896560
Gandalf's such a fuckin' trendsetter.

>>15896560

I understand axes are in vogue in West Thurmarland this year. An ivory and jet handaxe at your belt with off-white robes trimmed in blue should be a wise choice for the next council.

You might even be able to carry your iron staff with the entire ensemble. I'd stay away from pointy hats, however - perhaps a softcap with a quill in it would work better. Peacock's gone out of fashion but gossips says that Ostrich is the new Peacock.

>>15896572
Your bear looks AWFUL though! When did you wash it last?
Besides, Purse Bears are all the rage with women these days.

>>15896593

Man, fuck that guy. You don't have to dress like an old unwashed hermit to be respected as a wizard these days.

Am I right, guys?

...

Guys?

>>15896625
Shhh, Gandalf's walking.

YOU DAMN WHIPPERSNAPPERS! Back in my day Wizards commanded RESPECT! Not fashion tips.

> Classic_Blunders.jpg

Never post an image more interesting than your topic.

>>15896592

Psh, please, Necromancy is a dead art.

Cryomancy is what all the cool kids are doing.

>>15896625
If you're a good wizard, you don't have time to wash. Or wash your bears. Now every wannabe out there is going for the "unwashed hermit" look so they can pretend to be as good as Gandalf. If you have time to wash, you're simply doing it wrong.

>>15896625
Darling, sort yourself out.

>>15896617
OMG! CUTE!
I just graduated from Necro U, can I get a Purse Bear in Skeletal?

>>15896625
AT LAST, THE EYE OF XAN'THOR, WITH THIS I CAN...

...Hm, what is it, beardcat? My hat's on sideways? AGAIN?

A POX ON THE HABERDASHER WHO DESIGNED THIS STYLISH YET IMPRACTICAL GARMENT.

>>15896625

Ew, is that... is that wizard wearing PEACOCK?

How sad!

>>15896674
Cryomancy? Pshaw!
It's plain to see that Divining is where it's at.

>>15896625
Gentlemen, behold.

Lady Gaga of the sorcerous set.

I find the way your Staff looks isn't as important as how you accessorize.

>>15896717
Cryomancy is divining using ice.

>I'm being obtuse
>oh no

Do you ever feel that the threads on the boards you read are posted by people who have an entirely different idea than you about what sorts of topics you'll be discussing in them?

Carthurgy.

Everyone, eat your hearts out.

No, I mean it, that's a command. Dig in.

>>15896094

>>15896695
FUCK BROOMSTICKS!

>>15896765
>>15896717
Hah! Dont come to the wizarding with that attitude. We are wizards, not hedge-mages and tinkerers, how can you even compare divining to the greater arcane arts? Unlike wizard fashion, you can never go wrong with the classics.

I keep telling you, bro. Nipples out is in.

Ancient golden armor and flowing locks? So last year.

>>15896765
No.
Jimmy Olsen is a Cryomancer.
Behold.

>>15896825

Like Chronomancy. No matter what anyone says, it truly stands the test of time.

>>15896830
Get out of here divine creatures, you have nothing to do with the selection process of my wizard outfit.

>>15896695
HA! That's the kind of rabble we let into our schools these days?
I weep for the future of Wizardry.

>>15896853
Not to worry, with Necromancy, YOU can be the future of Wizardry.

>>15896853
No need to be so harsh my friend, she might be empty up top, but she certainly isnt lacking in the lower departments! As for wisdom, it comes with age, until then, a feast for our eyes!

>>15896853
Hey there Mister! I graduated TOP of the class!

So uh. I took a level in Paladin since our last meeting.

Do... do I look alright?

>>15896891
How many professors did you have to sleep with for that?

>>15896893
Goodness no, man. What the hell were you thinking? That belt doesn't go with that shield, you should be ashamed.

>>15896891
On top of the dean, more like...

>>15896926
I'd wager all of them. At once.

>>15896893
You should know better than showing your face here after comitting such a horrible crime to fashion as we know it. WHAT self-respecting wizard would show himself in a half wizard half paladin outfit?!? Sure, you could try merging them together seamlessly, it might even work out that way... but strictly half on half? I have no idea who your stylist is, but if I did, Id turn him into a dung-beetle.

Hang on guys, I'm almost ready. I think I just left my hat in the Far Realms.

...

OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK

>>15896941
Well, it used to be a full paladin outfit, but.

>>15896926

I got the grades fine on my own...but I fucked them all anyway just to be safe.

>>15896960
With those out of style hats, they deserve to be devoured! When the beast poops them out I may even have some interesting research material for the decomposition spell I am trying to develop.

>>15896926
>>15896932
>>15896939
SCREW YOU OLD BASTARDS! My Skeletons are top notch!

>>15896960
Is that a nickel?!?

>>15896984
I see, it IS an improvement, but I can clearly say that you are only halfway there. Continue the path that you have chosen, and eventually you may have a garb you that wont get you ostracized.

>>15896818
Yeah, let me know how that car is working for you in 50 years. Broomsticks are tried and true.

>>15896995
Skeletons? Skeletons? Hahaha, my five-year old nephew could make Skeletons. Come back when you get a Dracolich to make you tea and comb your bear. Now shoo, real Wizards are talking.

>>15896995
Very well, how about we pit those bones of yours against my staff?

>>15897046
Come on man, no need to bully the poor girl. I'm sure some misguided paladin on a quest against necromancers will get to her soon enough.

>>15897042
Heed this wizards words!

Hah, I wouldnt even need to use magic to finish off those shambling bones you try to pass off as a skeleton, one knock with my staff should send the bones flying.

>>15896830
But... he has no nipples.

There. THAT city.

That's where I left my hat.

YES, I'm sure this time. It definitely feels more... 'right' than the last five cities.

>>15897098
Ohh my what an unsightly staff! Much too thick to be handled well, and the top design leaves much to be wanted. I cant imagine there being much use to that staff other than to club your enemy!

>>15897042
>>15897046
>>15897080
... You guys suck. Just because you're all old and can't get a boner and are going to die soon, unless you g Lich and even then you wouldn't have a dick left, doesn't mean you have to take it out on me. Not my fault I have this body.
No really, my mom did it.

What have you learned here today, OP? Never, NEVER post a thread with an image with more potential for entertainment than the text.

>>15897123
>necromancers
>can't get a boner
>mon visage quod

>>15897123
>my mom did it
>did it
>her mom did that body
Go on...

>>15897123
I'm a Necromancer, girl. I can definitely get a boner. More than one, in fact. But why do I keep wasting my breath, you'll be dead soon enough.

You see OP, sometimes the people who start a thread have an entirely different idea about what that thread should be that the people who actually post in that thread

>>15897123
My, you claim to be sharp but you fail to notice my innuendo? Well, I admit it was a bit too far-fetched, comparing your plump body to bones. Although I do hope the staff part is glaringly obvious at this point.

>>15897175
OP's query is actually sort of interesting, but also obvious. The designers of 3.5e famously had almost no idea of what could be done with the system. Wizard fashion was just more fun, though - less fun is all this Japanese titty witch innuendo.

Okay, it's in THAT tower.

For real this time.

No, I don't care that it's been three weeks, and seven different cities. We're FINDING that HAT.

>>15897157
>>15897176
Leave the poor girl alone.
Even if she does practice unholy acts and raise the dead from their rightful slumber. She will be PURGED in due time. As will the two of you if I have anything to say about it.

Sorry I heard the Dimensional Borders was going out of business. I couldn't believe that they had this artifact at 50% off.

>>15897176
>>15897157
Fine then. I'll be LEAVING.

>>15896463
>>15896261
Fuck witches, get mana.

>>15897218
Ohh, and what wrongs have I done to harbor such ill intents from a white priest? All I did was tease the witch, and I couldnt let such a snide remark about my staff go unnoticed.

Bah, you white priests, always acting so self-entitled, as they have the good gods at their back! You seem to have no problem threatening us with death or worse, but us making fun of an air-headed necromancer is a sin?
Go make yourself useful and heal some dying peasant!

>>15897253
Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Now about that hat... I think I'll go with a simple skull cap this time. I'm already late as it is.

>>15897253
Good riddance. If you cant offer me some entertainment then you have no dealings with us wizards!

>>15897264
>simple skull cap

Wizard, you best be joking.

White Gods, the Wizarding again already! I barely got the shop set up in time, its a mess!

>>15896893
Good gods, man. If you are going to be a knight wizard you have to do it in style. Look at me, once I get my armor and floating circle on, people know I mean business. And the ladies love the size of my book.

>>15897277
That's such a cool looking design, but it suffers from AABS.

Daddy, how come the liches don't come to the wizardmoot? It's only once a year!

>>15897277
Indeed, you are too old to be going through puberty. Skull-caps are for those young hip folks who pretend to be all dark and moody, and necromancers.. but they ARE dark and moody.

>>15897140
Necromancer commands his dick to rise.

>>15897277
Whats wrong with a skull cap? It doesn't get tangled on the doors, unlike those stupid pointy hats. And the skulls add a touch of class every necromancer should have.

>>15897296
Well, little one, because Liches are dicks. Also, after a few centuries once a year seems really close together.

>>15897290
What sort of nonsense is this? I cant sense any remotely magical objects in your stall. Just ornaments and jars filled with berries... Hmm, I think Ill be taking one of the latter though, I could do with some sweets right about now.

>>15897042
Stop being a Grandpa Sue.

>Wearing clothes
>Having any bodily hair except for one finely groomed mustache
Ha ha! You bearded skinny bookworms make me laugh.
Lift weights, throw away your clothes, shave. Do things the muscle wizard way.

>>15897332

Obviously, all those years staring into scrying crystals have dulled your eyesight. Did you not notice that painting with the characters walking out of it?

>>15897319
Thats the problem right there, necromancers arent class. Only the young and radical think that you somehow need skulls attached to every inch of your body to become a better necromancer. No, dress up properly so you give off an air of authority!

>>15897290
Excuse me... Excuse me, Miss? You have some... uh... little demon children escaping from a picture right there.
>>15897332
DO you not see the little sleeping fox kit? Powerful magic in those things.

>>15897350
Oh my, that is rather interesting! How much is that painting priced at? And I am still waiting for those sweets, insulting customers is never good business, but making an old man like me wait is unacceptable!

>>15897332
We have plenty of magic items here. Granted, we do mostly sell odds and ends and spell components. But we get by pretty well by magic users. You Wizards love your arcane knickknacks!

Okay, I've got a good feeling about THIS tower. It's always in the last place you'd look, right?

Just... no one say his name, okay? I think Asmodeus will know we're in his realm if we say his...

...

Fuck.

>>15897352
Well Grandpa wore skulls when he and some buddies kicked the Lord of Terror's ass, so I'll be damned if you kids go around telling me skulls don't inspire respect anymore. Skulls are timeless.

>>15897357
It is common knowledge that a fox does not gain magical properties until it is 100 years old! At which point it gains two tails. I can only see one tail on that fox, so I dismissed it as insignificant.

Now, excuse me while I summon a flaming meteor to burn down everything weeaboo in a miles radius.

>>15897381
>>15897213
>>15896960

My next campaign will now have a senile epic-level wizard who has misplaced his hat someplace in the cosmos, and feels he won't be taken seriously as a wizard until he finds it.

>>15897383
I agree. I always wear my skull cap when out and about.
Pic related.

>>15896671
that and never get involved in a land war in asia. Or go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

So I was thinking that it's time to change my look. I was thinking of going for a more classical Mystic of the Far East look, but I'm worried it's too played out. Advice?

>>15897372
THat wasn't me sir, but here are your sweets. Nice and fresh.
Well the painting is at the price of a Favor, to be requested sometime in the future. Also, make sure all the children are back in the painting by sundown. Ones left outside tend to devour livestock and rip up fenceposts.

>>15897417
OH, I'm so sorry, HERE you go. That'll be 1 silver please.

>>15897415
Too played out? You can see them taking over at this very moment. This is the time when we need patriotism at our strongest, to stay true to our western wizards customs, and not be influenced by those big-eyed furry eared "magicians".

>>15897415
Have you tried the tattered, mud stained robes and unkempt hair and beard look? That and a natural looking wood staff make people take you seriously.
Reject this prissy concern over fashion and classy clothes. People will see that you mean business if you do.

>>15897433
Heres your silver. Now I am wondering, do you happen to have a cockatrice feather? I fancy putting one in my hat, it will make the other wizards green with envy!

>>15897433
>1 silver
>wizards are in town, so I will charge double market value for everything!
Ha ha. Here is 5 copper.

>>15897042
>>15897080
>>15897262
WAH WAH WAH.

BITCH BITCH BITCH. You old fucks didn't stop to think that, perhaps, some people haven't been cheating death since it was still possible to make T-Rex Liches? You know. Like new graduates that haven't yet given up on simple things like good manners and hygiene?

Magic takes time to learn. Keep that in mind before you chase off new blood. God forbid we lose yet more potential. There are too few to keep the old secrets alive as it is.

Listen to your fucking selves.

WHY IN MY DAY and WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE!

>>15897446
You say not to be concerned with fashion, yet here you go telling the man how to dress! I agree that the route you suggest is safe, but it has no originality. No one wants to be remembered as a dirty old man!

>>15897415
Western robes are best robes. You know this, I know this.

>>15897383
Skulls are good, but have you tried clothes made out of human skin? That is a mark of true class among necromancers.

>My mother tells me I've been wasting my skills
>Really? Why?

>>15897461
Cockatrice... Cockatrice... I'm sorry sir, all I have right now are Phoenix, Roc, and Thunderbird.
>>15897466
Oh no, not with THESE cherries. Sweetest cherries you'll ever taste, no pit and, with my special preservatives, they will NEVER go bad and NEVER lose their flavor. Even if you leave them open. The preserve makes an EXCELLENT jam when you finish them off too. All three jars just 1 silver.

>>15897473
someone plays Alteil

>>15897473
Ohh my, I feel rather singled out there. Do you imply that I have a poor hygiene?! A fashionable wizard such as I would never leave my house without at least casting a spell to make me smell pleasant. As for good manners? Pah! They amount to nothing!

Who said I gave a rats ass about recruiting new blood in the first place, though?

>>15897290
Holy crap there's someone IN that dino skull!

>>15897503
>Who said I gave a rats ass about recruiting new blood in the first place, though?
Apprentices=free labor. Free labor that isn't as literal and stupid as undead and isn't as likely to kill you as bound demons.
They are the grad students of the wizarding world. Make use of them.

>>15897503
>I would never leave my house without at least casting a spell to make me smell pleasant

So you admit you leave home without bathing.

And enjoy your secrets dieing with you, selfish old cock. No one will remember you even ten days after your death. I'll cast some memory charms to ensure it.

>>15897525
Apprentices also equal broken experiments. You have no idea how many times I had to clean up some mess one of my idiotic apprentices made. I'd rather do it myself than get another one of those good for nothings. Besides, they'd rather go boink the nearby witch's apprentice than do real work.

Wizardry aint what it used to be. Back in my day, it took dedication to become a wizard, the kind of dedication that prevents one from taking a bath or spend hours picking just the right hat. Apprentices now have it easy.

>>15897525
You do in fact make a fair point.
But I still fail to see how I would need a truly skilled apprentice, it is not like I want him to be running around experimenting in my laboratory, just running petty errants for me.

There never was a lack of young boys who were interested in learning magic, one old man treating them poorly wont change their world views drastically.

>>15897519
What? OH! Oh that's Molly. She's a golem. Not totally sentient, but she has a personality.

>>15897557
It takes almost no time at all to take a bath.

God damn. No wonder people stereotype us as roney neckbeard shut ins. No one can stand coming to the towers with that kind of stench.

>>15897542
Let me rephrase that then, I would never leave my house without casting a spell to make my scent similar to a mild aphrodisiac. Now, how does that sound?

>>15897574
While it might take no time, it breaks concentration. Time isn't everything. When you get interrupted, it takes a while until you get back into gear so you can work again. So its just as well that nobody comes, that way I can work in peace.

>So you admit you leave home without bathing.

Bathing in these modern times, for hygiene, when a simple cantrip will make me magically and perfectly clean, as well as my ropes, and everything inside the room within a dozen feet.

I hope you guys don´t do this

Only time I bathe nowadays, is when I have company for said bath or shower.

>>15897565
More minds means more ideas floating around. Sure, a lot of them will amount to little or nothing, but many of us can push magic further than only a few of us. Do you even know how many new spells have been invented in the last thousand years?

No, you don't! No one would have told you if they did anyway, and then they died with whatever they learned.

>>15897607
I don't know about you, but I write down all my spells, and I store the books in a dungeon under my tower. So if someone wants them, he better earn them.

>>15897592
Indeed, I was waiting for someone to point out this glaringly obvious truth. It is hard to believe it took so long.
Well, maybe they simply cant handle such a simple spell, and would rather take a bath than to exhaust themselves through the effort?

>>15897591
Speak for yourself.

A nice bath gives me downtime in which to think, or relax then think more. Hammering away at the same problem for too long limits your perspective. I do my best work after I've come back hours, or even days, after putting down a problem. Your head just gets stuck in a loop sitting in one spot staring at the same book for endless amounts of time.

>>15897620
>So if someone wants them, he better earn them.
>he better earn them.
>he
What, Women aren't good enough to 'earn' your old spellbooks? Is THAT it? You chauvinistic pig.

>>15897620
I would never write down my spells! That is like inviting unknown eyes to my most sacred secrets. Unless some miracle occurs, my knowledge will indeed die with me, and so be it!

>>15897638
Well they can try, I doubt they'll be able to open the door with their girly arms.

>>15896671
Eh, I'd say we're on topic enough. Just OP didn't know what kind of games we play here.

Also, fuck combing bears. Unless you're in the fucking royal bear cavalry, your bear should be grizzly as hell and meaner than your neighbors' dogs.

>>15897638
Ohh please, we all know how this is a male dominated field of expertise. You women are too weak-willed to amount to any greatness. Although there are exceptions throghout history, this is without a doubt true.

>>15897642
Man, bears need to be kept CLEAN man, clean and healthy. AT LEAST give them a bath, they shit in the woods and most bears don;t have toilet paper.

>>15897653
Man, if I was a bear, I'm not sure how I'd manage to wipe myself with my bear hands.

And THIS is why the wizarding community is always looked down on.

>>15897641
Im no defender of female wizards, but what possesses you to think that a wizard would use his physical strength to open a heavy door?

>>15897665
Anti-magic field.

>>15897669
Which is solved by picking up a heavy object (with magic) outside of the barrier, and just hurling it right towards the door. Let physics do the rest. I do hope you thought of this scenario.

>>15897669
That's when I get the Barbarian to do it. Why do all that grunt work when I can very easily have it done by someone who specializes?

>>15897669
That's what golems, zombies, skeletons, bloodhulks, enslaved demons, or dragon allies are for, none of which are affected by antimagic whatsoever.

>>15897689
Its called a zig-zagging corridor.

>>15897691
Congratulations, you discovered the purpose of the anti-magic field, have fun in the dungeon of terror.

>>15897709
What kind of shitty anti-magic fields you employ that don't affect magically created creatures? I, on the other hand, know my anti-magic fields.

>>15897710
Oh please, Me, the Barbarian, and a Cleric or two and we'll breeze through. I know a decent Rogue who works for cheap.
It's like you old Wizards WANT people to break in and steal your old stuff.

>>15897746
>It's like you old Wizards WANT people to break in and steal your old stuff.
It;s a damn sight cheaper then paying for storage.

>>15897728
So let me make sure I understand: No apprentices, an anti-magic field that repels magical creatures means no summoned assistants... Shit, man, do you do all your grunt-work YOURSELF? Fuck that! With all the time and effort you must spend on just getting any shit together for an experiment, I doubt you even have any original spells worth plundering!

>>15897746
Exactly, do you know how hard it is to get trash collected from a dungeon? Well imagine my glee when I found out I could get idiots to do it for free with only a bit of effort and some paint.

>>15897756
Seeing how its my anti-magic field, I could get rid of it if I wanted. But I only store my old spellbooks there, and some useless trinkets. Its how wizards like me publish our spells. A lot cheaper than going to a publishing house.

>>15897746
You say that like it's some sort of breakthrough. Let me lay it out for you: I have too much stuff, and I couldn't give two shits about half of it anymore. And some damn king a few generations back threw a hissyfit because some guy got a portal to hell at a wizard yard sale, so I'm not allowed to sell or throw away most of it.

I mean, sure, I got a lot of stuff. Those looters probably get something useful now and then. But for every sword of dragon butchery, there's a couple dozen potions of strange body odor and rings of everyone in the room gets a boner. Suckers.

It's tough being a summoner in this day and age. Not many others to talk shop with. No no no. Not dropping random forest animals and demons on people's heads. I mean what people did for magic before learning to cast spells of their own. Yes, contracting spirits to do jobs for you is old fashioned, but I can do anything any other wizard can do if I find the right spirit to contract. I actually have a long term contract with a clever clever ice spirit. With a little creativity in using it's abilities, there is hardly anything I can't get out of it for day to day problems. All I had to give it was a promise of seeing and experiencing new things in our world. When I die, it sinks back into it's own unshaped realm. Till then I get to use it's power as it's anchor in this realm.

Though I guess it's worth it sometimes. It's funny seeing more modern wizards trying to peek at my library. Only to wonder what use there could possibly be in knowing if a minor wolf god likes apples or not.

The old man has a point. No need to spare the anti-magic barriers when he doesnt spend any of his time there. A good tremor should shake up the place enough to open some new doors, though. I dont like the company of barbarians and thieves, so I have learned to manage myself.

>>15897786
I tried that once. All I could summon was a Raven Spirit that would recite poetry at me. That's it. Couldn't get it to do anything else.

>>15897786
How can you call us modern? We have been doing it this way for ages now, just because it is the most popular method of magic currently does not make it modern at all.

As for your elementals. It is true that they are fearsome creatures, the greater elementals are much more powerful in their respective elements than us, but in return, we have the flexibility you summoners could only dream about. Throw an ice elemental at us, and it will meet a wall of flame. Throw a fire elemental at us, and it will be doused before it can do as much as light a match!

>>15897782
>>15897753
Makes sense, I guess, but why not just open a portal to some void dimension and dump the junk in there? Beats cleaning the whole tower after every time those adventurer nitwits break in. Every once in a while they actually manage to swipe something good, too. You always assume you hid your artifacts of arcane might, but those fuckers always seem to find one of them.

>>15897812
That's cause most raven spirits are total dicks, bro. They're good for freaking people out, but they're basically just scarfing hallucinogens whenever you take your eyes off them.

You want a bird spirit that gets shit done? Starlings. Seriously.

>>15897786
Bah! That'll be the day when you see me dragging myself on my knees to beg favors from spirits and gods. I'd rather stand on my own two legs than depend on those whimsical assholes. Everything I achieved, I did through my own sweat and blood and tears and hard, hard work. What can you say for yourself? You found the best way to kiss some minor gods ass? You disgust me.

>>15897827
I forgot to mention something important. We do absolutely summon creatures. It is just not our sole method of magic, one could say we are a jack-of-all-trades, master of all none. Summoning imps is common as they are a great source of labor, elementals not so much as we have powers similar to that already.

Ah, human mages. Not only did I learn magic that would blow your mind even now when you were but babes sucking at your mother's teats, but I learned how to be totally styling then too.

>>15897828
Oh, I know what you mean. Last party that came by, they made off with an ancient power staff. The thing is, I'd hidden it to keep it from a group 5 parties ago, and even I didn't remember where I'd put it! I guess when they're willing to level the tower for treasure, they look a little more thoroughly than the one who actually has to live here.

http://chanarchive.org/4chan/tg/17662
I think this deserve archiving.

>>15897836
Indeed, a summoning is only finished if the summoned creature is under complete dominance by the summoner. I never understood why you summoners would let the elementals do as they please.

>>15897653
Bear cleaning? They rub themselves on trees. Self-maintaining. And if they smell a little funky, that's fine. I don't keep a house bear, sonny. I keep a bear because I don't want visitors.

>>15897852
And what do you have to show for it? For all your power, you lack ambition. Nothing but wasted potential.

>>15897857
You must be new. Sit back, observe, and learn where /tg/ archives.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html

>>15897812
The making of the contract is pretty much the most vital step. That sounds like where you messed up. An entity not obligated to act will not act. You can muddle through everything else with time and experience, but forging, and obeying, the contract is the lifeblood of a true summoner.

Don't bother dragging a lawyer around either. Most entities don't appreciate weasel words. Other than the weasels.

Try something more base. Simple. An elemental is a good place to start. Elemental powers can be applied in a variety of fashions.. so they're a good 'bread and butter' long term contract. They're also rather easier to please.

Though they are more likely to get pissed off at someone too full of themselves than others for some reason. They can be volatile if mishandled. They are base elements, naturally. Just keep in mind you are not the master. It is a partnership. A mutually beneficial arrangement.

And if you can't come to terms, just try a contract with something else. They'll go peacefully as long as you didn't piss it off.

>>15897882
All that summoner hubub sounds like a hassle, just dominating the creature is so much simpler. I have many artifacts that can enslave elementals and demons of various powers, making the job even simpler!

>>15897882
>>15897835
Alright, I'll write all that down but... How do I get rid of it? It's been following me for about 5 months, just reciting poetry. It'll ride on my shoulder and shut up sometimes, but only if I'm feeding it. And it seems to have the decency to stop when it's night, but I think that's just because IT'S sleeping.
I've tried dispelling it, ending the contract, whatever I could think of! But then it just recites RUDE poetry.

>>15897914
How about just outright murdering it? Sheesh, people never consider the simple options nowadays.
The frilly robes must be going to peoples head.

>>15897827
No.. no..

See you don't understand at all. It's not the use of a creature made of an element. It is the use of a being that is the heart of that element, concept, emotion, animal, or number of other things. It's an important distinction. Likewise, to others of you, I do not hurl summons to fight for me. I still have to do my own fighting, usually. Their skills and majesty is just.. on loan in a manner of speaking. I can hurl ice because they can. It's like having the very nature of ice itself on your side.

Like I said.. it's old magic. It fell out of fashion. Too many just want the power.. and don't like the idea of it not being truly theirs. These entities likewise don't want to contract with those that would presume it is their own power.

>>15897914
Wait... feeding it, it sleeping...
I don't think you Summoned a Raven SPIRIT dude. I think you accidentally made a straight up Familiar.

>>15897924
If you are more of a pacifist, just trap it in a cage, a circle of binding or inside a magical artifact. Many options are available if you just stop caring about the damn spirit.

>>15897939
But the general idea is still the same. Lets say you have the power of ice. While your ice magic will definitely be more powerful than mine, I will still have all the other elements at my disposal, granting me a large advantage.

>>15897942
Oh, man. I know that feel, bro. I had a cat familiar once that was lazy as all fuck. Slept all day, wouldn't catch mice or help me with anything, talked back constantly. I had to kill that little shit NINE TIMES, and it took a chunk of my powers with it when it finally stayed dead.

>>15897970
You damn kids. Why do you think they only teach you how to make familiars in those newfangled wizard academies? Because anyone who learned it the traditional way knows familiars aren't worth diddly and was taught how to avoid binding himself to some pissant spirit animal.

You know what you do for pets? You keep a couple big, mean bears on the grounds. You don't get visitors, and the bears are fine as long as you feed them once in a while and stay indoors.

What if you need to leave? Bah! A real wizard never needs to leave!

>>15898004
But brushing the bears is tedious... How can you be bothered with that?

As for myself, I prefer basilisks. The whole "death gaze" thing keeps away unwanted guests.

Sometimes it kinda seems that way, yeah.

>>15897969
I can have more than one contract. That is merely a long term one, and one that I find useful. Ice can be made into many useful shapes, and it can be used offensively very well. As I said.. bread and butter. I could contract The Twitter of a Maiden's Heart and inspire those around me to love and trust me, or at least a facsimile of love. Though that entity usually wants.. strange things for the use of her time.

You could probably even find something that represents spoons, but I don't know what use that would be. Just don't contract The Swooped Hair of the Chronically Depressed. Making people too down to want to react to you is useful, but that guy's a downer.

Yeah, it's a bit hard to wrap around at first, but you get used to it. The spirit I'm currently contracted with has a partial aspect of a snowstorm. I can fly.. but it's a bit fiddly. I'm still learning to use it.

>>15898019
Brushing the bears? Are you trying to make me have an aneurysm? I've said already that bears damn well take care of themselves. You pamper up your bear like some gorram town poodle and suddenly it thinks it's a house bear, wants to come inside the tower and sit in your lap. If you're really some damn panty-wearing sissy-wizard who needs a pretty, fresh-smellin' bear, you can get some hack hedge-wizard to teach you one of them newfangled veter'narian spells that cleans and perfumes the thing and shaves your initials on it's keyster. Sissy.

Besides, feeding basilisks is a pain in the ass. They eat the meat, but you can't give em live food because half the time it ends up as rocks. If reptiles are what you're into, yer better off with snakes. Really, really big snakes. Just make sure they're meaner than yer neighbors' dogs.

>captcha: United deraili

>>15898039
Oh..

>The Swooped Hair of the Chronically Depressed

He also boosts your ability to write moody poetry. Which can be used as a form of currency in contracting certain entities. Nice little trick I found. Though each time I'm done with him I don't feel like getting out of bed for a week.

>>15898079
I dont see how that is a problem, just kill it off right before you give it to them.

If you absolutely have to give it to them alive, give the future basilisk food some mandrake potion (cures petrification and grants temporal immunity). Terrible waste of valuable ingredients though.

>>15898079
Oh man, you know what's priceless?
When the adventurers that just broke into your tower find a big bowl with FLUFFY written on it. And then one of them smells the perfume and they think they have some kind of pet not even worth the XP...
The Fluffy the DIREBEAR comes around the corner, coat silky and smelling of apricot, to rip them limb from limb and have them as a snack.

I have the feel that people who wrote 3.5 assumed that everyone's a munchkin.

Not once have I had a problem with adventurers trying to break into my tower. I guess it must be my remote location.

>>15898148
Or your tower looks like shit.

>>15898154
Which is quite beneficial, you know, being able to keep my secrets an actual secret. It doesnt matter if it looks a little shoddy on the outside, when the inside is perfectly comfortable!

>>15898154
Nah, adventurers LOVE run town Wizard's Towers. They think it'll have more loot and less protection.

>>15898170
Or they will assume that it has already been robbed. In which case a path has already been cut for them to follow, letting them scavenge for leftover treasures.

Thats what we have the bears and basilisks for.

>>15898134
A- apricot? FLUFFY? Vecna's Left Nut, am I the only wizard on this plane that isn't a flaming homosexual pansy?

Why, I oughta... I oughta... Fuck it. I'm just gonna use my mastery of the basic forces of the universe to move a dwarven brewery into my dungeon. A -good- dwarven brewery. And then once I'm good and drunk, I'm'a make it rain fire over half the continent. Teach them damn kids to let the old manly wizardly traditions die out.

Perfumed bears. Fucksakes.

>>15898137
Actually, they came out and admitted as much. At least developers that worked on it have. One of the things they did is build in purposeful trap options. Things you can do that are just plain terrible ideas. This way you can feel smart for making a build that actually works at all.

It is purposefully designed to be minmaxed. They were TRYING to market to the kind of guy that wants to fap to how he didn't create a total failure of a character.

>>15898204
Hey man, I like the lady witches!
I just think the look on the adventures' faces when they meet Fluffy is fucking hilarious!

>>15896818

Pfffff, cars are easy.

Hold on a sec, while I summon MY bitching ride.

>>15898225
Bah! The only magic witches do is in the kitchen. I guess you could make a case for some of the stuff that comes out of them cauldrons, but it takes a real man to truly master the elements and shatter the walls of cities.

By the way, wind elementals? They should call em blow job elementals. Let's see yer city witches match that!

>>15898285
It's not the Magic in the Kitchen or Calderon I like Old One, its the Magic in the Bedchambers.

>>15898295
Right, right. You been witch-whipped, boy. It's not a bad thing, just means yer less of a man. Happens to scores of young bucks these days.

Word to the wise, though. The old 'white lightning' is just as good a reagent as blood if she wants to do you in, so watch yerself.

Now, what hat goes well with the Head of Vecna?

>>15898341
Do you seriously mean to say you'd practically kill yourself getting the Head of Vecna on your body and then cover it up?

>>15898373
Well, if not a hat, a nice scarf. It helps ease the disturbing transition between skin tones, complexion, dessication, and of course, the stitches.

>>15898326

Ahhhhhh, my friend. You have yet to find the kind of magic a witch and a wizard can form together. Do not worry, one day a proper witch will find her way under your robes and you'll be struck with that unknowable magic that is 'love'.

Not even the great Merlin could avoid it's weavings. Truly, it is the only magic that we can not grasp.

>>15898434
I don't know, I think I grasp it pretty well by myself.

And by 'it', I mean my penis.
I am talking about masturbation.

>rouromm The

Ah, very good, captcha. I nearly forgot about old Rouromm the Lonely's Great Arcane Wank spell. That's a handy one.

And by 'handy' I mean 'magical hand on my penis'.

I am talking about masturbation.

>>15897876
Yes, I am new here. Yes, I already knew about suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com But I didn't think this quite deserved to be put on suptg

>>15898621
If it can't survive in the real /tg/ archive, it doesn't belong in any archive.

>>15898495

HA-HAAAAAAA... Double entendre!

Orangutangs are all the rage these days.

>>15898495
We, we get it.
At least no one here is stupid enough to try and summon a Succubus to have sex with.

>>15902329

O-oh. Uh... Would that be bad? If someone had possibly done that thing that you said, totally theoretically speaking.

>>15902861
Summoning succubi?
What is this, /x/?
That's dangerous shit, leave it to the professionals.

>>15902861
>>15902861
Become the father or mother of a walking travesty. A abominable half breed thing that spits in the face of man, nature and god. A walking nightmare who's only purpose is to pull down all of creation and deliver it all into the hands of it's unholy masters.

and people think the succubi is only after food! HA! It's like people who thing jinn only want to grant wishes!

>>15903018
I am so sick of this demon bashing. Fucking wizards think they are the only people with an opinion on things. Did you ever think maybe the world would be a better place after the End of Days? Plotting the destruction of mankind and pursuit of the apocalypse are a part of my heritage.

You bigots really need to learn some tolerance.