>Name:
JOHN JACKSON
>Gender:
AMERICAN
>Policies:
AMERICAN
>Two Skills:
1. Golf
2. Lobbyist Gold-Digging
>Two Drawbacks:
1. No Soul
2. No Funk
>Major Promise
"I WILL AMERICANIZE AMERICA FOR AMERICANS AGAIN"

>>16120117
Yeah, I'm gonna second this. Replace "Golf" with "Ludicrously Wealthy Despite Never Doing An Honest Days Work In His Life"

>>16120088
>DAS POLITIK

The right Artikel would be Die Politik just sayin.

>>16120136

Looks like someone is butthurt.

rolled 26 = 26

>Name
Gary Magnolia
>Gender
Male
>Policies
Centre left
>Two skills
Shadow figures, picard speeches
>Two drawbacks
Prostetic leg, bad temper
>Major promise
PEACE, CULTURE AND SUPERIOUR FIREPOWER

>>16120149
Naw, it just makes more sense if we're going with AMERICAN politics. Gotta have money to run.

>>16120117
>Name:
JACK JOHNSON
>Gender:
AMERICAN
>Policies:
AMERICAN
>Two Skills:
1. Golf
2. Lobbyist Gold-Digging
>Two Drawbacks:
1. No Soul
2. No Funk
>Major Promise
"I'M AGAINST THOSE THINGS THAT EVERYBODY HATES."

>>16120088

>>16120088

>Name:
Clint Webb
>Gender:
Male
>Policies:
Opportunist
>Two Skills:
1. Sociopathic Narcissism
2. Has a Dog
>Two Drawbacks:
1. Terrifying Soul
2. Borderline Psychosis
>Major Promise
"Together we can piggyback some of our states legitimate needs on top of my unquenchable lust for self-glorification... and that's a promise."

CLARK KENT
Male
Center right
Skills: 1. Journalism 2. Superpowers
Drawbacks: 1. Not actually American 2. Not actually human
TRUTH, JUSTICE AND THE AMERICAN WAY

I'm gonna wait for another three character sheets, then put it to a vote.

This is democracy after all.

>Name
Usarkar E. Creed
>Gender
Tactical Genius
>Policies
Center Right
>+Skills
Tactical Genius
Hero of the People
>-Skills
Mute
Completely and Utterly Relentless
>Major Promise
"To defeat all enemies of mankind. Period."

I'd vote for him.

>Name:
Londo Mollari

>Gender:
Male

>Policies:
An Old Fashioned Republican

>Two Skills:
1. Shadowy Allies
2. Has dirt on everyone

>Two Drawbacks:
1. Horrible Gambler
2. Impulsive

>Major Promise
"Together we will make America the Lion of the Galaxy again!"

>Name, Gender
Desmond Kyriat
>Left, Centre or Right policies
Populist
>Two skills,
Fund raising
Assassination
>Two drawbacks
Eccentric (dresses like a storybook villain)
Odd religious beliefs (thinks man should surpass God)
>Major promise to the PEOPLE (i.e. Obama's CHANGE)
Will conquer the world.

>Name
Cave Johnson
>Gender
Male
> .
Left wing anarchist
> Drawbacks
Doesn't listen to the bean counters
Gets angry very fast
> Qualities
Makes life rue the day it gave you lemons
Blows your house up. WITH THE LEMONS!

>Name
Mohammed Ilyich von Zhou-Dupont
>Gender
Post-op transexual androgynous
>Left, Centre or Right policies
Far left
>Two skills
1. Fondness for fetishistic overtly sexual imagery.
2. Supported by the UN.
>Two drawbacks
1. Doesn't speak English
2. Hates children and cars
>Major promise to the PEOPLE (i.e. Obama's CHANGE)
I hate America!

Now, your job is to make this candidate President of the USA. Good luck!

rolled 34 = 34

>Name:
Pedro "El Gato" Picadol
>Gender:
Male
>Policies:
Mugwump
>Two skills:
1. Amazing shooter with a revolver
2. Can wear a sombrero like a baws
>Two drawbacks:
1. Mexican
2. Secret (Illegal immigrant)
>Major Promise:
EQUAL RIGHTS FOR EVERYONE

>>16120260
...
Why populist?

>>16120279
Total villainy is boring and tough to get elected. Making him legitimately about helping people and putting power into people's hands equalizes that to make an interesting character.

>>16120272
I'd vote for him.

Entries are closed!

FIRST THREE CANDIDATES:

So, are you...

JOHN JACKSON, a AMERICAN AMERICAN wing CANDIDATE who can PLAY GOLF while LOBBYING GOLD DIGGERS INTERESTS. Unfortunately he has NO SOUL and NO FUNK BROTHA, BUT who will AMERICANISE AMERICA FOR AMERICANS AGAIN!

or;

GARY MAGNOLIA, a MALE CENTRE LEFT wing CANDIDATE who can OUT PICARD PICARD while SHADOW FIGURES DO HIS DIRTY WORK. Unfortunately he has A PROSTHETIC LEG LOST IN A FREAK ACCIDENT and A BAD TEMPER, BUT who will PEACE, CULTURE AND SUPERIOR FIREPOWER THE SHIT OUT OF OUR OPPONENTS!

or;


CLINT WEBB, a MALE OPPORUNIST INDEPENDANT wing CANDIDATE who can USE HIS DOG TO CURRY THE D'AWW VOTE while BEING A SOCIOPATHIC NARCISIST. Unfortunately he has A TERRIFYING SOUL and A BORDERLINE PSYCHOSIS ABOUT HIS DOG, BUT who will PROMISE THAT TOGETHER WE CAN PIGGYBACK SOME OF OUR STATES LEGITIMATE NEEDS ON TOP OF MY UNQUENCHABLE LUST FOR SELF-GLORIFICATION!

>Name
Che Gue'vesa
>Gender
Male
>Policies
Blood Red Commie
>Two Skills
Ruthless
Charismatic
>Two Drawbacks
Hated by the Banking Cartel
Addiction
>Major Promise to the People
I will kill all the rich and disband the hopelessly bourgeois government

>>16120302
>more than three candidates
>"I'll wait for another three candidates"
>take only the first three, which had already been issued

>>16120314
The next three are probably going to be in another post, since "First Three" implies there will be more.

>Name
Ethan Rafferty
>Policies
Left Center
>Skills
1. Tall
2. Good Hair

>Drawbacks
1. Corrupt
2. Secret (Mistress)

>Promise:
A Return to the American Dream

>>16120302
John

>>16120302
Gary +1

>>16120272
>>16120272
>>16120272

Oh, I like this guy

>>16120302
Fuck you! I vote for Cave Johnson! Then I'll bomb your campaign headquarters! With Lemons!

>>16120302
Clint 4 prez

So, where is that second set of candidates? I want to vote for Londo.

>>16120302
or;

URSARKAR E. CREED, a TACTICAL GENIUS CENTRE RIGHT wing CANDIDATE who can USE HIS STATUS AS A HERO OF THE PEOPLE while USING HIS TACTICAL GENUIS. Unfortunately he has NO ABILITY TO TALK and IS RELENTLESS, BUT who will DEFEAT ALL ENEMIES OF MANKIND. PERIOD.

or;

LONDO MALLORI, a MALE OLD FASHIONED REPBLICAN wing CANDIDATE who can USE HIS DIRT ON EVERYONE while USING HIS SHADOWY ALLIES. Unfortunately he has GAMBLING PROBLEM and IS IMPULSIVE, BUT who will PLEDGE THAT TOGETHER WE WILL MAKE AMERICA THE LION OF THE GALAXY AGAIN!

or;

DESMOND KYRIAT, a ANDROGENOUS POPULIST wing CANDIDATE who can RAISE FUNDS while ASSASSINATING, SOMETIMES BY BOTH. Unfortunately he has ODD RELIGIOUS PHILOSPHIES and DRESSES LIKE A VILLAIN, BUT who will CONQUER THE WORLD!

or;

CAVE JOHNSON, a MALE LEFT WING ANARCHIST wing CANDIDATE who can MAKE LIFE RUE THE DAY IT GAVE YOU LEMONS while BLOWING YOU UP WITH SAID LEMONS. Unfortunately he has A PROBLEM LISTENING TO HIS CAMPAIGN FINANCE ADVISOR and QUICK TO ANGER, BUT who will ?

or;

MOHAMMED ILYICH VON ZHOU-DUPONT, a POST OP TRANSEXUAL ANDROGEN FAR LEFT wing CANDIDATE who can USE HIS PULL WITH THE UN while USING STRANGELY SEXUAL IMAGERY. Unfortunately he has A CRIPPLING HATRED OF CARS AND CHILDREN AND CHILDREN IN CARS and DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH, BUT who will PROMISE TO HATE AMERICA

and finally;

PEDRO "EL GATO" PICADOL a MALE MUGWUMP wing CANDIDATE who can USE HIS SKILLS WITH A SIX SHOOTER while WEARING HIS SOMBRERO. Unfortunately he has NO GREEN CARD and IS A MEXICAN BUT who will GIVE EQUAL RIGHTS TO EVERYONE!

>>16120421
Oh, I intended Desmond to be male, I just forgot to mention it.

And that's my vote, incidentally.

>>16120421
>MOHAMMED ILYICH VON ZHOU-DUPONT

>>16120421
One vote to Mr. Mollari

>>16120421
I'll vote for President Kyriat.

>>16120421

Most popular candidate, or in the event of a tie highest roll with a d100 decides the candidate. I'm going to grab something to eat, when I get back I'll tally the votes.

>Name
Bill Fredrick
>Gender
Male
>Policies
Centre
>Two skills
Amazing speeches
Father kind of manly
>Two drawbacks
Doesn't like be last
Prone to physical violence
>Major promise
Making the space age America become real

One Cave Lemon vote here.

rolled 20 = 20

Adding roll for >>16120462

>>16120488
Desmond Kyriat!
My god, imagine his inaugaral adress
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
That is all, thank you.

Whoa, so many awesome candidates! My top three:
1. Desmond Kyriat, for world domination and evil campaign fun
2. Ilych von Dupont, for hilarity, and because I want to know which languages he does speak. French, Arabic, Russian and Chinese?
3. Clint Webb, because parody is fun

I'll vote for Desmond, since he's my top candidate and has votes already.

For me it's a tossup between Desmond Kyriat and El Gato. I guess I'll bandwagon and go with Desmond.

Alright, I'm back, tallying the votes...

I, Giorgio Tsoukalos, welcome our alien president.

+1 to Londo

>Name, Gender
Buzz Magnum, red-blooded American man
>Left, Centre or Right policies
The top ones. The ones that make America go up.
>Two skills
Most charismatic man on earth
Killed a polar bear with his hands. Naked.
>Two drawbacks
The bear was his father
Genitals cause a huge and unsightly bulge in his trousers
>Major promise to the PEOPLE (i.e. Obama's CHANGE)
"EAT SHIT."

It's 5am, the sun is yet to rise but you've arrived early. It's the eve of the run to power and you've never been one to let others get a head start. It's dark in the party room, but you're able to walk it as though it were daylight, knowing exactly where the tables and chairs of your now-underlings reside. You recline in the one chair you've not yet had the chance to. It's a moment of pure gratutious pleasure for you as you inhale the heady air of leadership. Delectable. It has only taken you a matter of a term to assume your rightful place as leader of... whatever this party was, the details had always escaped you. No matter, now it is time to take true power.

There is a staff meeting at 6am, what is the agenda?

>>16120762
>Damnit, forgot the preamble. Desmond Kyriat is your candidate with a tally of five votes.

>>16120762
Digging up as much dirt on opposing candidates
Schmoozing the underlings
Hiding skeletons in closet.
Also if there's time, the acquisition of bitches for the party leader (me)

>>16120762
Let's raise some campaign funds. We need to schmooze with rich people and explain to them how under us their businesses will flourish.

>>16120762
The Mexican Flow: a huge stream of hispanic-latino people combined into a giant biomass with a collective consciousness. It is moving eastward from southern California, growing larger by the day.

>>16120762

It's nearly 7.30am by the time your first party member arrives. Alexandra Walsh, deputy leader and your main rival within the party. She's a fairly formidable poltical force within herself, but was smart enough to make a deal when the wind changed to the lofty breeze of your ambition. She's not terribly unattractive either, in a sort of bookish schoolgirl way, but you know better than to let appearances decieve. You cough and she jumps.

"Desmond. You startled me, when did you get here?"

"Five am."

She rolls her eyes. That will go on the list.

"How did you even get inside? The only other person i've seen is the janitor and he let me in when he got here."

Your hand instinctively moves to your pocket where a master key resides, you've always though it... prudent to have unlimited access.

"That doesn't really matter at the moment does it? You and the rest of my staff are almost an hour and a half late, how do you expect to win an election if you can't even keep to a simple schedule? This is the reason you're not in power and I am"

A small smile flickers across her face.

"about that..."

>>16121015
Desmond: Resolve to bend her around your finger through use of hot dickings.
Don't do that yet, though. Tell her fundraising efforts must commence immediately.

>>16121015

"I was speaking with some of the other members of the party last night and I found that a lot of them seemed to think that the ballot was read incorrectly, naturally in the interest of party solidarity I'll be calling for a re-vote today during the agenda, but it would be a shame if you and your rather... odd attire were to suffer a defeat this early into your leadership."

"I see, and you're telling me this now because you obviously want more than just deputy leadership. This was not what we agreed."

Alexandra laughs, "Come now Desmond, as a man who believes we must surpass god you should realise that what we agreed upon is just... starting terms. Since we're speaking plainly i'll lay my cards on the table. I feel that just over half of the party will support my vote of no confidence, especially since I KNOW you rigged that last vote- and while we're on the subject, a complete landslide? sloppy. So what I propose is this, in return for my continued support, you give me dual roles as treasurer and deputy leader. Or, you can try your luck in the vote. It's your choice."

At the end of the corridor outside the room you hear footsteps approaching. Alexandra smiles taughtly.

"You should probably make your mind up before the party arrive"

>>16121150
> wat do?

>>16121169
>Put dick in her mouth

>>16121150
Ask her if she truly feels she can handle both roles. If she does, then say "this seems to be acceptable".

>>16121200
Roll for initiative

rolled 5 = 5

>>16121278

Romuadelbald Schluderbluderbaker, male

policies: centre
skills: disguising facts as unimportant or false without lying + lying
flaws: sleepy + only thinks about present
promise: what everybody else promises

>>16121200
>>16121239

You lean forward, pokerfaced and completely relaxed. "You honestly believe that you can hold both positions?"

"To hold the purse strings and be ready to take your place should you fail? I think I can shoulder the responsibility."

"Fine, this seems acceptable..."

Alexandra smirks

"-as long as you meet my counter offer. My penis, in your mouth."

She stares at you blankly, not quite believing what she's hearing.

"What?"

You slowly undo your fly.

"It's not about sex, It's a matter of trust. I must be able to trust you as my second in command will not actively work against me. I think this is a suitable gesture."

You cut off her protest.

"You seem to think you hold the cards, I think you underestimate me, but I'm willing to allow you some leash. I'm afraid that this is an immutable condition for our agreement."

She stares at you coldly.

"We'll discuss this again later. Do up your fly before you embarrass yourself."

>>16121412
>damn, forgot my pic.

>>16121412
Very well then, this evening.

Gentlemen, we become Ireland.

>>16121528
ah, you know thats the flag of guinea right?
Ireland is green white and orange.

You redo your fly in time to avoid any awkward questions from you staff. luckily they seem to have arrived at once, possibly they carpooled to the meeting. Joseph Thompson, your public relations manager, a weedy figure who seems to be immediately forgetable. Christina Everette, your campaign manager, a bubbly girl with a controlling personality. Rhys Hadley, your resident 'political advisor' (read dirty tricks), whom you've noticed tends to smell a little like cheap cologne and Tucker Bleskopf, your current treasurer and like many treasurers, the most remarkable feature is his corpulence and a flaccid face.

They sit and finish talking amongst themselves, trivial matters mostly but one subject catches your ear.

"-Valerie Martinez just withdrew from the race, apparently she's been caught up in a sex scandal. I heard someone say she's pregnant."

Valerie Martinez, hardly a popular opponent, but re-elected term after term. As an independent she's a powerful wild-card, many elections have come down to who she supports.

Alexandra calls the meeting to order.

First order of business:

>Digging up as much dirt on opposing candidates
>Schmoozing the underlings
>Hiding skeletons in closet.
>The acquisition of bitches for the party leader
>we become ireland

>>16121609
Wat do?

>>16121609
Acquisition of bitches is already well underway.
Let's schmooze them underlings.

>>16121609
Schmooze underlings, then dig up dirt on others.

>>16121609


>Digging up as much dirt on opposing candidates

This, we need to fashion a massive media shitrocket aimed at our competition.

>>16121626
>>16121686

Very well, a general schmoozing or a targeted one?

Your meeting is scheduled to end at 8.45am it is now 7.45am. Each agenda item will take half an hour, meaning you get to pick two of the four. So far you seem to be in favour of the big schmoozola and digging up the dirt.

Wat do?

>>16121759

Give me the dirt.

You pause and regard the room, locking eyes with each of your staff.

"It has come to my attention that my leadership is somewhat contested within the ranks. This is not an issue, people have the right to disagree, after all, this is a democracy."

Smile sincerely for effect. hmm, good, one or two return the smile. Tucker and Christina seem to be the most enthusiastic.

"I am sure that there is a degree of misgiving about how my election came about, it was a pity that our previous leader Jacob had to be expelled due to some... unsightly dealings, but let us remember that no-one is indespensible."

Alexandra raises an eyebrow at that remark.

"So, in the interest of assauging doubt, I'm going to call a half hour recess before we truly settle down to business in which you can approach me with any concerns you might have in a private and completely confidential manner."

It's late /tg/ I'll start this up later in the week if anyone's interested.

night.