I await results..

I approve

>>16635807

As a fellow Rouge Trade I approve of this.

DM: Let's see...Jake, you want to be...a samurai with a magic sword. In a sci-fi cyberpunk setting.
Jake: Yeah? Why? You said there was magic and a lot of cultures blending together.
DM: So I did. No tech skills at all, everything dumped into combat and mental resists...is he from the freaking stone age or something? Mac, you've...made a drunken Scotsman waving around a giant weapon. Isn't that like...every game you play?
Mac: Nae, nae...He's a human, not a dwarf!
DM: Fuck...learn to play more than one character, this was supposed to be cyberpunk, now I have to retool it to accommodate two fantasy characters in a dark and evil future. I might as well make the big bad an evil sorcerer or some shit.

C'mon Jake, we need to head back to see the Penguin Superior.

>>16635908

I see what you did there.

>>16635908
your DM can't be that dense

>>16635807
>We're on a mission from the God-Emperor.

I love that this line is actually in one of the DH books. I think its the main one.

>>16635922
You clearly can.

>This scene in Rogue Trader
>ALL OF MY THRONES

Now... what bar do they crash, an ork one?

>>16635995
Not "Country" enough, but close.

Also the Redeemer cult has to stand in for the Illinois nazis of course.

>>16635971
I just pictured that with battle barges...

And what are they trying to pay off? A Imperial orphanage? Unless their mission has changed?

>>16636025
An orphanage ran by a Sister of Battle of course.

>>16636040

I get the image in my head of the two brothers being hit with a cane after constantly shouting 'Throne!' in front of the sister.

>>16636049
The sister from the movie already has the perfect name.
Sister Mary Stigmata

do we run the sequel?

>>16636062
She clearly had warp powers.

>>16636082
NO.

IF WE COULD USE BIGGER FONT ON 4CHAN, THAT NO WOULD BE 72 POINT IN CANDY APPLE RED.

>>16635945
"We're on a mission from the God-Emperor" is used as the title for a chapter subsection in the Dark Heresy corebook, yes.

"This is Imperial High Command to all units. The use of excessive force in the apprehension of the Inquisitors... has been approved."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnG0JjzF7HY

Them being chased through a forge world factory floor making small talk about the facilities amuses me.

Hab blocks over there.
Servitor factory up ahead, see it?
A titan manufactorum...
This world really has has everything.

>>16635971
less of this,
more of this.

DM: Okay, so you have your characters for a high level setting... are you aware that two of you are playing true neutral characters, one is chaotic neutral, and one is playing a lawful good cleric?
Jacki: Don't worry. She's too naive to think her allies could possibly be doing anything evil... worst case, she'll just scold them.
DM: O...kay. Also, Mike, you're playing a level eight character, with five levels of templates, one level of fighter, one level of cleric, and one level of sorcerer. What the fuck?
Mike: He's well-rounded.
DM: Whatever. But why did Rick go with the "dumb fighter" cliche?
Rick: Hey! At least I'm not playing a short, flat-chested, fetish fuel redhead sorceress who can't use magic when she's on her period!

>>16636194
I dont get this one

>>16636216
Slayers. It's an anime.

>>16636193
and this
but with chimeras or rhinos.

>>16636134
Blues Brothers 2000 wasn't a great movie, but it was still enjoyable for the music.

DM: Right, guys, who's ready for Rogue Trader? Steve, what's your character?
Steve: The Rogue Trader, leader of the dynasty, keeps his family on the ship with him. His nieces and nephews sometimes get loose and make trouble for him, took that as a flaw to get more skills. Primary motivation: Get money. All the money.
DM: Right. Gerald, you?
Gerald: Explorator, became one because his inventing habit and bungling got to be too much for the other Admechs.
DM: Good, good. Larry, your character?
Larry: Voidmaster! He can fly anything, no problem!
DM: ...Dammit, you guys, this better not be what I think it is.

*Elwood picks Jake up from the Imperial Detention Centre. In a Space Marine Battle Barge*
Jake: What happened to the Bluescruiser?
Elwood: You don't like it?
Jake: No I don't like it...
*Jumps into the warp*
Jake: Ship's got a lot of pickup.
Elwood: It's got a Marine Plasma Drive, a 14,000g Geller Field, it's got Marine Guns, Marine Drop Pods, A Marine sized cargo bay. It's a model made before the Great Crusade so it'll run good on Regular Plasma Fusion Fuel. What do you say, is it the new Bluescruiser or what?
*a brief thinking pause while Jake attempts to light a cigarette*
Jake: Fix the cigarette lighter.

>>16636280
idk, im not sure about a cruiser.
makes the mall and interstate scenes difficult.

might stick with chimeras, rhinos and land raiders.

>>16636355
Port Maw

>>16636001
Snakebites.

This thread is the best thing.

>>16636001
>>16637022
Tau sympathizers
I hate Tau sympathizers

DM: Okay, thank you in advance for sticking with the western theme and not screwing around with your characters. So, Clint, what's your guy?
Clint: He has no name. He lives by his gun.
DM: So he's, like, a bandit?
George: No, actually, I'm the bandit. I chose Chaotic Neutral, see, and Clint's character turns my guy in, cause he's wanted, and then helps free him.
DM: Clint...am I reading this right? You have a situational bonus against shooting inanimate objects?
Clint: Yeah. Rope.
DM: Steve, did you make a character too?
Steve: Sure did. He's the outlaw hunter.
DM: That might cause some party conflicts.
Steve: Might? I'm guaranteeing it.
Clint: We're both okay with it.
DM:....are you guys even going to try to find the gold?
All three exchange a glare and simultaneous declare: You bet your ass.

>>16635807
Who are these guys?

>>16637266
not sure if underaged or shit taste in movies.

>>16637217
>DM: Clint...am I reading this right? You have a situational bonus against shooting inanimate objects?
>Clint: Yeah. Rope.

Nice

>>16637266

DM: Ok guys. I got done looking over the character sheets for CoC. I have a few comments.
Fred: Ok?
DM: Well I told you there was a good possibility of combat, yet no one has any combat background. Hell, Norville is a fucking hippy.
Norville: He also eats a lot.
DM: You have him listed as very skinny though
Norville: Yeah.
DM: Right... Moving on. Velma, I see you're character is a book worm. That's very good. Daphne, you're character just seems interested in clothing.
Daphne: She is also from a rich family.
DM: Fine. That makes up for your lack of skills I guess. No Fred. Your character is listed with having an obsession with traps. What have I said about trying to get your fetishes into games.
Fred: No. Mechanical traps. You know, trip wires and things.
DM: *sigh* Fine. Is that all?
Norville: I also have a talking great dane.
DM: Talking great dane?
Norville: Well his speech is a little slurred.
DM: So he's drunk... Whatever. Lets just get this over with. You're group just pulled up in front of an old house in your van...

It's 106 lightyears to Terra. We got a fully charged las-pack. Half a pack of lho-sticks. It's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
HIT IT!

>>16637554
lost it

>>16637554

>Your character is listed with having an obsession with traps. What have I said about trying to get your fetishes into games.

>Ok Jack. Serious, whats with these stats. Can't you just take an actual weapon skill instead of improvised weapons? And this agility, damn, I don't think anything will hit you.
He is also a pacifist
>He's probably the most powerful person in your party. What do you mean pacifist!
He just doesn't want no trabble

>>16637554
Boy do I have a folder for Fred.

>>16637698

DM: So let's see here...let's start the campaign. Ron, you're playing as a super-scientist?
Ron: Former boy adventurer, now super scientist...I invent things and make the world better with them.
DM: But you took the Unlucky, Overconfident, Greedy, and Fragile Ego flaws.
Ron: Never said I did it for free. And I needed the points for my skills.
DM: And Dependents?
Ron: Sons. You said I needed attachments to NPCs, well, happy now?
DM: A bit. And Enemy? At MAX? Are you nuts?
Ron: Why do you think I have a bodyguard? He protects me. Besides, it's free plot, I don't see why you're complaining.
DM: Fine. Bob, your guy. Holy fucking shit, these physicals. The fuck, man?
Bob: I'm a bodyguard, I need to kick ass.
DM: You have superhuman strength and toughness, peak human agility, and insane melee and unarmed. That's not a bodyguard, that's a walking tank!
Bob: I protect Ron's body. Fiercely.
Ron: Are you hitting on me? Because you better not be hitting on me, Bob.
Bob: Relax, Ron, my guy is straight. Very straight.
DM: Yeah, he has good Appearance and a good Seduction. Also a ton of flaws I'm not even going to bother with, you munchkin. So, Bill, what's your guy? A fucking sorcerer? What?
Bill: Necromancer. Necromancer. Sorcery is totally overdone, you know?
DM: Bill, is this going to be another of those 'dark and edgy' characters you love to play?
Bill: Hey, just because he's a necromancer doesn't mean he's a bad guy. He's really a kind and noble dude who happens to fuck with the barrier between this world and the next.
DM: Fine...let's get this show on the road.

>>16637788
i have no clue what this is

>>16637788
Go Team Venture!!

>>16637814
watch more TV.

DM: Damn it Wesley. Stop rolling crit successes. You're ruining the game for the other people
Wesley: Sorry

>>16637788
Unknown to DM, he still isn't attached to the NPC's..

>>16638002
Well, yes, but the DM not knowing it yet is sort of the point.

>>16635807
OY YA DAFT GITZ, WE'Z DA GOOD OLD BOYZ! WAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!

>>16638159
whoops, wrong picture.

Carrie Fisher being a pissed off sister of battle, or the daughter of a rogue trader.

bump!

>Alright. You character sheet is pretty good. Good personal and family history. I like the skill set, though it might be a little too much
All my techniques have been passed down the Armstrong line for generations
>Right... Why do you have many shirts?
Because!

"Goddammit, John. We're never letting you run Call of Cthulhu again."

>>16638899
You've got to be fucking kidding me. CoC/Thing is awesome, and you're lazy for not doing a writeup.

DM: Anyone ready to start our Rogue Trader campaign? Kyle, you're up.
Kyle: I'm a Rogue Trader who's handsome, brilliant, a capable commander on the field, on the ship, and elsewhere, and not bad with a laspistol either. Or in the bedroom, wink wink wink.
DM: Again? Fine. Sam?
Sam: I am playing a seneschal science officer this game. I will advise the others on the most proper, logical, and wise course of action, and when Kyle inevitably missteps, I will be there to say him.
Mike: So a sperglord as usual. I'm playing a missionary. Technically, I'm the ship's chief medical officer, but frankly, I can do just about anything you guys need me to do, at least competently.
DM: Do you two ever stop fighting? Fuck it, Scott, you're up.
Scott: Explorator! I fix everything, even when it shouldn't be able to be fixed. My engineering skill makes the laws of phsyics my bitch!
DM: Nice. Betty, you're up.
Betty: I'm an astropath. I'm a space telephone. Let's roll the dice.

>>16638899
>>16638940
This plus Aliens is the setting for my Rogue Trader game right now. Shit is so. Very. Cash.

>>16639961

>a game where a bunch of imperial guardsmen steal a rogue trader's warrant of trade.

>>16639961
You forgot Lee plaing the Navigator :P

>>16640100
>Oddball as a Rogue Trader
I HAVE MY NEXT CHARACTER

DM: So, I asked you to make your characters for our modern setting. Joe?
Joe: I made a Psion, specializes in force powers and not taking shit.
DM: Holy crap, Joe! You rolled almost perfect rolls for your stats! And look at your skills, jeez. I'm gonna have to throw some wicked-evil shit your way. What about you, Joey?
Joey: Okay, picture Indiana Jones, but about 50-60 years old. He's a Psion too, a Diviner specifically, an-
DM: Wait a second. Joey, is that the character sheet from our last campaign? What are you using it for?
Joey: That's the thing. My guy is my old character, but older and more adventurous!
DM: Oh, that sounds...interesting. Adam?
Adam: I made a sort of vassal for Joey's character. He's a Psion with fire-based-
DM: Did you all make fucking Psions? Seriously? What am I supposed to do with this!?
Joe: Try and keep up.

>>16640128
>>Joe: Try and keep up.
Which the DM does not do, resulting in the most epic game ever as the players take turns raping the setting for lulz

>>16640100
>accidentally causes a major offensive in a major crusade by trying to get the mcguffin
You know this sounds about average for rogue trader shenanigans

DM: Alright, solo session, I can make this work. Let me see your sheet.
Ken: Okay.
DM: ...Wait. You're playing a monk, in a post-apocalyptic modern setting?
Ken: Yes.
DM: You do know this will never work.
Ken: Let's play.
DM: Alright, whatever, don't say I didn't warn you.
-sessions later-
Ken: I punch the tank.
DM: I.... the... but...

>>16640136
>Some adventure later...
DM: That hits! Rolling damage....
Joe: How many free actions can he take when he stops time?
DM: Enough. That's enough to-
Joe: I succeed my Willpower Test to resist the powers of his Time Stop for one action. I will intercept his hit.
DM: WHAT!?
>roll
Joe: I succeed and take only non-lethal damage. In addition, he invokes an AoO. I'll add Power Attack to it.
>roll
Joe: That's a hit.
DM:.......The force sends him flying back into the window of a butcher shop. Time resumes as normal and you fly up from the force of his attack, hit the lamp post AGAIN and fall back down...
Joe: This is going to be a long fight....

are we going to archive this thread?

im trying on suptg, but finding it hard as there is no upload interface anywhere

DM: So what are everyone's characters?
John: I'm playing a handsome rogue who does whatever he needs to do to get the job done, help the people, save the world, and help my friends. A real noble guy.
DM: Great! And you, Gerald?
Gerald: I'm playing a barbarian using a fullblade and heavy armor to kick ass. All of the ass.
DM: Any plans to roleplay?
Gerald: He has a tragic backstory and-
DM: I read it. Molestation, slavery, no wonder your guy is pissed. Just don't forget about it. Cassie?
Cassie: Fighter, an amazonian beauty who acts as the team's heart.
DM: Sounds like a great group. Let's get this fantasy game on the road.
And then things just went straight to hell.

>>16640213
this GM must be a quadruple dick to have created that story line for those players.

>>16640213
Greatest. DMPC. Ever.

>>16640249
Either that or Gerald was the mother of all THAT GUYs ever

DM: Okay, so a fleet bound Chapter of Alpha Legion...
Nathan: No fleet.
DM: What?
Nathan: Just what I meant, no fleet. One ship.
DM: And a Transport? WTH, Man.
Nathan: Hey, it's what we want.
DM: And these stats? Seriously? Nathan, your Aim is nigh on perfect.
Nathan:Eh, I also have a 'Handsome Rouge with a scalpel mouth' Character trait.
DM: And Adam
Adam: What?
DM: Your like a child in the body of a ox.
Adam: Eh, I like Guns, Girls, and more Guns. What's not to like?
DM: You also have a 'Wrong head at the wrong time' flaw.
Adam: Eh, I'm like a puppy. A cursing puppy.
Nathan: That just happens to be humping a girls leg.
DM: Ok, so what about you, Alan?
Alan: What?
DM: Just the fact I think your head will explode if you don't have a character that has a perpetually running mouth.
Alan: I'm the Pilot...
DM: And about nothing else. Your Pilot skills are EPIC, but everything else SUCKS. Gina, what could your character POSSIBLY See in this guy?
Gina: He makes her laugh.
DM: Whatever. Okay, Jewel?
Jewel: Yep?
DM: I don't know how, but you managed to ACTUALLY MANAGED to create an adorable, innocent SLUT. Bravo.
Jewel: Awww, thanks!
DM: Okay... so Sean?
Sean: Yes?
DM: and Summer... are... Siblings?
Summer: Yes, but mine isn't all there *Chuckles* Don't let the blood touch you, its funny stuff.
DM: OOOOKAYYYYYYYY, moving on, Ron?
Ron: Yes, son?
DM: So your a Chaplain, right?
Ron: Yes.
DM: With ties to the inquisition?
Ron: Wasn't always a Chaplain, son.
DM: This is going to be a hell of a story to make, but whatever. Purpose?
Nathan: To make enough to keep the ship flying.
DM: Thats it?
Nathan: Hey, it's harder then it looks.
DM: You know what? FINE. I'll just toss some random shit your way and hope your ready.

Bet you can't guess what this is.... Or how awesome that story would be in the 40K universe.

>>16640327
Firefly?
If not, you got me pinned, bro. And I want to know. Yo.

>>16640340
... Yes, it was kinda obvious....

DM: Let's see your sheets, guys. John?
John: I'm playing a Scum...he was a petty crook before an unjust arbitrator carved his face up...he took it pretty hard, and these days pulls crimes mostly to amuse himself and to vindicate his nihilist worldview.
Fred: I'm a noble Adept with an obscene fortune and contacts with the underworld. Unfortunately, he's short and disfigured, so he's something of an embarrassment to his noble family.
Ed: I'm playing an adept as well, playing the knowledge and social side of things rather than playing underworld baron. My guy knows everything, and can intimidate anyone who doesn't, IE, most people.
Sam: And I'm playing an assassin who primarily uses mono-edge claw gauntlets, insane agility, and an electro-whip to subdue her enemies and steal their loot.
DM: ....you guys are doing this to me because I said the Night Lords would be the main antagonists, aren't you...

>>16640365
Batman villains?

>>16640365
I feel bad that I didn't get the third one. Everything else is good. So very good.

>>16640405
Yup
>>16640406
Riddler.

>>16639961
Ok. I got everyone right away but this one.

Explain? Space telephone bit sounds like the give away and sounds a little familiar but...

>>16640434
Uhura. A poke at how she was basically a telephone operator in a short skirt and nothing else for much of the show.

>>16640450
Aaaaah. Ok.
Danke.

>>16640327
I would play the everloving shit out of that. Fuck, I just want to be there to watch that shit get played.

DM: Alright, so who's ready?
Jay: I am. I rolled up a sorcerer, mostly mind-based powers. He can manipulate memory, crush memory...erase memory
DM: Got it, whatever. Chari?
Chari: I'm also playing a sorcerer, a pure blaster-caster fire mage. She's reckless and vindictive and hates Jay's character for a multitude of reasons.
DM: Ok. Lina?
Lina: I made a half-demon necromancer, half-succubus specifically. She doesn't have a lot to do with the main party, though, so I made a separate character just in case.
DM: Two characters? Well what's the second?
Lina: An Elf matriarch.
DM: I am not for that right now. We'll see how things go. Sean?
Sean: Okay, so, my guy's a dragon disciple, but instead of a familiar I took a form-of spell and, since he's a dragon disciple-
DM: He's not half-dragon, though. And you know the BBEG is a dragon right?
Sean: Uh, yeah. My guys knows that.
DM: Did anyone not make a magic class?
George: I made a ranger. He's primarily a beast-master and melee based for attack.
DM: How'd you get your Handle Animal skill so high? Seriously, that has to be too high.
George: I did it according to the book, man. Don't know what to tell ya.
Tim: Can we get to my guy yet?
DM: Yeah, okay, who is it?
Tim: Okay, he's a Psionic Artificer wi-
DM: Oh God, why?
Tim: Let me finish first, okay?
DM: Ellen, I see you made a Knight. Care to tell me about that?
Ellen: She is a leader of men, not the type to carelessly swing her sword around.
DM: Good lord. Between the other four guys who skipped this session out I don't know how I'm going to manage all of this.
Jay: You can just shift from setting to setting, right? We all have the Plansewalk ability.
DM: !?

>>16640481
I feel like I should know this one...

>>16640520
They're all Planeswalkers. Jace, Chandra, Lilianna, Garruk, and Elspeth were the ones I got.

>>16640520
Honerable mention: The Ferromancer, the Whip-wielding Paladin, the Lionman Fighter-turned-Cleric, the Warforged Wizard and the suave classical Vampire Lord. Didn't know where to write them in.

>>16640520
Looks like Planeswalkers from M:tG. Jace, Chandra, Lilliana, Lissa, Sarkhan, Garruk, Tezzeret.

>>16640552
You missed Sarkhan Vol (Sean) and Tezzeret (Tim). Lina's second character was Nissa.

>>16640169

A-TATATATATATATATATATA

DM: So tell me Jim, why is it that your character, from a race normally petrified by the prospect of animals larger than a squirrel, and corners on furniture is LEADING an adventure to an unknown location in space, with god knows what dangers, and ordering around not only humans, but a Kzinti, who typically refuse to speak to his race on general principal because talking to herbivores is like talking to a steak?

Jim: Oh, he's bipolar. He's terrified of everything, all the time, but when he's manic, he'll do things that are literally crazy by human, AND puppeteer standards. That's actually his job: he's like a Puppeteer James Bond.

Well, except for collapsing into horrified catatonia after doing anything too stressful.

>>16640552
>>16640481
Works better if you pick a fun or atypical movie / tvshow to base things off, rather than representing one of the mainstay games of /tg/. (ie; Mtg D&D 40k)

>>16640660
Niven's got his faults but when he hits he hits out of the park.

All Puppeteers you see are psychotic. If they weren't completely bug-fuck nuts by Puppeteer standards you would never see them. QED.

DM: OK Jay, let's take a look at that character sheet. Damn! How'd you get numbers like this? Super-competent agent? Drive, firearms, situational awareness, this guy can't fa... what is accelerated slo-mo?
Jay: Custom advantage, it represents his tactical acumen.
DM: I'm going to have to check your numbers on that. So how'd you pay for it? DNPC Girlfriend, that's good, gives some plot... Amnesia? Hunted, hunted, hunted? Hunted by every intelligence agency on Earth? Enemy, wants you dead, non-combat influence, linked to hunted? OK, I'll roll with it Jay, but you better be as good as your character sheet if you hope to survive this.

GM:Okay guys, let's see your character sheets. Okay, Craig's a mechanic, okay, Karl's a mechanoid, John's a.. cat? Whatever, I can accept you using the silliest race in the core rulebook. But Al?
Al: Yeah?
GM: You took the mechanic class despite having the lowest technical skill on the ship, you took the Insubstatial and Cowardly flaws without any good stat boosts, and you have the lowest Charisma in the entire game.
Al:So what?
GM: Whatever, I expect you to die within the next two sessions.

DM: Alright, Phil. Lemme see your character.
Phil: Ok. It's my first time playing so he might be a little barebones.
DM: Human fighter. Golden sword. And... young?
Phil: I thought it'd be fun.
DM: Ok. Betty. What about you?
Betty: Female Alchemist. Nice and sweet, but obsessed with science. High Charisma
DM: Annnd a princess? Alright, whatever. I'll work it in. Mary?
Mary: Vampire bard with an axe. She's totally bad ass and wild. And she plays the guitar and-
DM: Riiight. I got. Ok. Jake?
Jake: My guy's Phil's's best buddy, right? Like his protector bodyguard or whatever. They hang out all the time and go on adventures and-
DM: His class? Anything?
Jake: Oh. He's a brawler but he doesn't really like fighting. He'd rather eat and smooch the ladies.
DM: Okaaay. Sure. I was wanting to run a sillier kind of game anyway. So-
Jake: Also, he's a dog.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16635807/

>>16640747
Heh. I like that.
And I do know about the whole Puppeteer agent thing. I kind of liked that touch, actually.

DM: So Bob, you want to play a hive mind of industrial revolution era chordates with quantum computing level thought processes.

You understand that your physical stats are like , 1, right? A small child is stronger, more nimble, and tougher than one of your bodies, and they are not, individually as smart as a person. You also have the limitation of needing special equipment if you plan to leave the water, and while you might figure out how to do that, or get it later, you don't have any now. Oh, and BOTH of the races in this region of space with any power want your entire race dead on general principal because you are too damn smart.

*DM looks at the character sheet*
DM - "What the Fuck?"
Buck- "Hey, hey, hey, hey-now. Don't be mean; we don't have to be mean, cuz, remember, no matter where you go, there you are."
*DM rips up his notes*
DM "Fuck it I'm winging it"

>>16640768
>empty space
>My Head
Don't get it, sorry.

>>16640803
heh

>>16640768
Red Dwarf

>>16640803
Adventure Time

>>16640908
The point of the thread is for you to laugh silently to yourself and only spell it out if someone get's really stuck.
And to contribute yourself.

DM: Okay, so I got everyone's sheets here.. okay.. you do remember that we're playing Shadowrun right, with an ecoterrorism based campaign? And you all made mages?
Levar: Right, we're each focusing on a separate element. I'm doing earth element.
Joey: I'm doing fire. Kath and Janice are wind and water.
Scott: and I do mind control stuff, emotion, you know.
DM: Right.. uh..and I noticed you all have a talisman gaes.. a ring.
Scott: Right. We're also all in an initiated group and share a mentor spirit named Gaia.
DM: Uh huh. So no other combat skills..and you spent all your gear money on a T-bird modified to run on.. solar power and batteries. Right. How do you plan on taking on heavy corpsec forces?
Janice: We figured out we could combine our abilities to summon a super powerful spirit to do the big fighting when things get out of control.
GM: Riiight.

DM: Luke, I know why you're trying to play a psychic detective with statdumps into "Seduce Robot" and "Absorb Damage." After the last attempt at erotic RPG, I'm *NOT* going there with you. What I don't understand is why you've got a flaw of "Fetish: Origami".

DM: Alright, guys, let's get this M&M game started. Against my better judgment, I didn't ask for character concepts ahead of time.
Ed: I'm playing a Vietnam war vet who's very gun-savvy and has friends in high places.
DM: Sounds a bit dark.
Dan: I was going to go with a battlesuit, but the power level for this game is too low, so I'm just sort of a Batman knock-off, if that's okay.
DM: Yeah, sure.
Laurie: I'm the daughter of a famous superheroine. I sank most of my points into combat feats and seduction.
DM: Whatever, just don't expect me to facilitate your ERP. Walt?
Walt: NEVER COMPROMISE EVEN IN THE FACE OF ARMAGEDDON
DM: ... okay, Walt's off his meds again. Lemme see. You took Short, Poor, and... genophobia? Why do you even need all those disadvanta- oh my god, is that every combat feat? And a +10 to hit?
Walt: Hurm.

>>16640932
GLORIOUS

>>16640979
Too bad about those two DMPCs eh?

>>16640939
What you did there.

I saw it.

>>16640979
DM: Okay, Jon?
Jon: Yes?
DM: Your character is literally nigh-omnipotent and omniscient.
Jon: I took plenty of flaws.
DM: I know. Why else would anyone choose Flaw: Nudism?

>>16640939
It's beautiful... Tears of laughter...

>>16640939
.......Wow, I don't get out enough. what is?

>>16640660
To straightforward and only one character?

>DM: Ok, let's start with who bought the ship?

Mike: That'd be me, I had to take a few flaws to cover the ship and still make a workable PC. He's an alien though so we can just play it off as if his entire race has them.

> DM: Could be interesting, let's see: Cowardly, Combat Paralysis, Phobia(Predators), Agoraphobia, Claustrophobia, Xenophobia(Xenos), Phobia(Germs)... wait, you own the ship but I don't see any piloting skills here?

Ben: That's my job. I'm a well rounded human. After a few decades of retirement I desperately want to explore the universe again. I dumped some extra points into Willpower.

>DM: That works. Next?

Josh: Honestly, I rolled a Chewbaca rippoff with anger and impulse
management issues.

>DM: We'll need a combat monster at some point. Monica?

Monica: I've been rolling hot lately, so I put together a Luck Monster. She's a pretty naive socialite who's coasted through life as the universe seems to take care of her problems for her.

Ben: Wait, why would we take a character with no applicable skills on a deep-space exploration mission?

*Long silence*

Mike: I think she'll act like a good luck charm.

Ben: But those "lucky" edges only affect her character, not the whole party.

Mike: My ship, my crew. Don't like it; you stay on Party Planet Earth.

>>16641109
Does this quote help you:
> You're reading a magazine. You come across a full-page nude photo of a girl.
Is this testing whether I'm a replicant or a lesbian?

>>16641113
Don't forget the pleasure tasp and hoverbikes.

Noah: Thanks for running this Mekton game, Steve.
Steve: I figured it's the best way to get you to shut up about giant robots for a year or so afterwards. Let's see this character... there's no way you managed to get this piloting skill this high legally.
Noah: Well I did put most of my points into this.
Steve: And you're playing a girl?
Noah: She's a tomboy; she loves whatever the mechs in this setting are called!
Steve: Alright, fine. Godfrey, same 'just-as-planned' character as always, right?
Godfrey: Well, there are some differences. I even took some of the character options to give him a bit of a flawed background; lots of enemies and what not.
Steve: Like that'll matter... Oscar, let's have a look at your guy. Combat beast, this time, eh?
Oscar: Yeah, he's a really loyal, hard-lined gun nut. I had to specialize a little, but the others can probably handle the other stuff. Also, I put some ranks in mech piloting.
Adam: Just don't flip out and wreck the campaign like last time, right?
Oscar: What are you talking about? We needed that monarch to go along with things so I tried to intimidate him!
Adam: You chucked him out the window! We're not Czech you know.
Steve: Oscar, you wreck another table and you're out, remember. Let's see your character, Adam... pretty decent, good wide range of skills. Wait, 'son of the head of a mech company?' I'm not going to allow this.
Adam: Alright fine; what if my character isn't speaking to his dad but he's still knowledgeable about stuff.
Steve: Yeah, that works. Oh Ken, about time you got here. Listen, I had a look at your character; no way in hell.
Ken: What? What's wrong with her?
Steve: She's completely overpowered, the background clashes with the others and according to the bio, she acts more Japanese then the other characters!
Ken: Look, I'll try to tone it down, but can't we just roll with it for a few sessions then see if it's making things too unbalanced?

>Blade Runner
>"psychic detective"

>>16641136
Good lord...that actually did cross my mind, but the synapses just didn't click. I was right on my first guess...

>>16641113
Now this.....hmm

>>16641145

Steve: ... Fine, but you better write up another character just in case. Mike, Terry, I've already checked your characters: gentle giant and the computer expert, right?
Terry: Other way round.
Oscar: Let's have a look at your sheet, Mike. Hah! You put down 'Married' in the bio? You sad bastard.
Mike: Don't you insult my character's wife, Oscar. You know what my character does to people who insults his wife?
Steve: This character isn't going to end up like your last one and start gutting PCs and making decorations with their guts, is he Mike?
Mike: Not this time, Steve.
Steve: Right. Now I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to use a homebrew setting for this game. I've printed out a brief overview.
Noah: That's fine, as long as we get to the mechs!
Adam: Near future and mechs? That's going to end up with us wrecking most of the setting in a few sessions.
Steve: You alright, Adam?
Adam: Yeah, I just wish we were still playing our city guard game.
Steve: Well, you may be in for a nice surprise.

GM: Rogue Trader Time! Let me see your sheets, Gene yours first.
Gene: K
GM: What's this gun?
Gene: Caster Gun, it's an archeotech single shot bolted pistol that fires psychic shells.
GM: Right... Who owns the ship?
Hilda: My character does! Here's both sheets.
GM: Nice character, only one fate point? Odd. This the ship? An AI running it? You do know that AIs are illegal and insane?
Hilda: This one is a true bro, and a gentleman.
GM: Fine, you're skirting on Edge of Heresy. I'll say the ship is actually an ancient Tech Priest, who's brain has been keep alive. Jim? Let's see yours.
Jim: Here!
GM: Explorator... Very young, good with tech. It's alright. Melfina? You playing navigator right?
Melfina: Right, but she's actually a bio-android.
GM: Fine. Aisha?
Aisha: Playing a xeno.
GM: Oh? Which race?
Aisha: Ctarl-Ctarl. She's very vocal and has no shame of her appearance.
GM: Where did you get this race?
Aisha: /tg/
GM: Fine. We're not playing Rogue Trader we're playing a space opera now.
Party: why?
GM: Clearly you guys give this much, about 40k background lore.

Playing home brew (reworked a little bit) version of Marvel Super Heroes Adventure Game (SAGA) RPG

DM: So what do you got for this street level game?
Ok... So you're an Latin/Inca whip wielding adventurer that has a backpack that transforms in a hang glider?

Me: And a baby jaguar.
"Crime pays with lashes!"

Player 1: I know we all agreed to this, but last time we played a nWoD game things got kind of screwy. That's not going happen again is it?

DM: What are you complaining about, you're character got to the point where he could actually murder the colour purple.

Player 1: I think that pretty much proves my point. Okay, well, I've made a low level rogue mostly self-taught Mage. Is that going to be a problem?

GM: Self-Taught?

Player 1: MOSTLY self taught, his master died like when he was a kid. I've got some points left over though so, what? Should I just hold on to them?

GM: Actually, that would work quite well with what I've got planned. What about the rest of you?

Player 2: Uh sole inheritor of a fairly high ranking mage family. You said they had to be teenagers though so I haven't min-maxed so badly as last time.

DM: I still don't know how you managed to make yourself immortal like that....

Player 3: Okay, I've got a couple of ideas, one is that I'm a mage from a family that's fallen on hard times, the other is some kind of homonculus developed for a specific purpose.

GM: Dave, why are both of these characters female?

Player 3: Uh, why aren't yours?

[Time passes]

GM: Okay, so Jim's going with the homonculus. Now, there's one more thing I need to explain, for this campaign I now need you to stat out a combat familiar.

Players: Okay...

GM: ... at x10 the normal available points, as well as any left over points you had from chargen.

Players: O_o

GM: OK, lets get this overwith. Lemme see your sheets.
P1: I'm a bookish wizard. Took the precocious apprentice feat, is that OK?
GM: Yeah, it works.
P2: I'm also a wizard, specializing in enchantment.
GM: . . . how, exactly, do you have that many gems at level 1?
P2: Backstory. Also they're not exactly rare in your setting - you can literally dig down a few feet and grab a handful.
GM: OK, you got me there.
P3: I rolled a fighter with a farmer background. Pretty simple.
GM: I see you have some relatives kicking around. That might help the plot a bit.
P3: Oh jesus, if you break another one of my relative's hips . . .
P4: Quit whining, you know he won't. I rolled a rogue, by the way. Spunky type, way cooler than the last three characters.
GM: . . . she's not another lesbian is she?
P4: Don't worry, I learned my lesson. I'm never going to bring her sexuality up in character.
GM: Good.
P5: Umm, I made a druid . . .
GM: Lets see . . . well, you're a character from a flying race, and you took the flaw Fear of Heights. But your wild empathy modifier is really damn high . . . whatever, I'll roll with it. And you?
P6: I made a bard.
GM: . . . you do realize your Dexterity is somewhere in the area of 6 times your Int, right?
P6: Yep.
GM: And how, exactly, did you get so many points in Perform: Sing and Perform: Dance?
P6: I took the Hyperactivity flaw.
P1: Oh god no.
GM: It's alright, we'll make it work. So the Princess has sent P1's character out to do some research in your guys' hometown . . .

GM: Look, John, I don't know what to say. You've made a human astronaut. I specifically told you there's an alien race that for pretty much all intents and purposes replace humans in this setting. Earth isn't even anywhere near this sector of space.

John: It's fine. I'll come up with a good reason he's there. I just really want to play a regular human.

GM: And what's this? You have more points in social skills than you have in science skills! You're a fucking astronaut!

John: Hey, I just figured he'd need that to survive when surrounded by hostile aliens.

GM: Fair enough, but at least get some basic science and piloting skills. And you're aware that with all the points you put into willpower and luck, you can't really afford a space ship, right?

John: What can I get then?

GM: Let's see here... Well, all you can get is some piece of shit space pod. I guess since you're from Earth, it would be some kind of module or something.

John: Cool. So I'm thinking I'm a hotshot astronaut testing out a new space module, when a wormhole throws me across space and I end up with the rest of the party.

GM: Wormhole travel? That's not in this game. You know what? Fine. As long as it doesn't fuck with the setting.

>>16641210
Damn you, sir. Damn. You.

>>16635807

>>16635908

FOOLISH SAMURAI AND SCOTSMAN! ONLY AAAAAAKU IS THE MASTER OF THE GRIM-DARK CYBERPUNK FUUUUUUTURE!

>>16641217
Good shit man.

>>16641217
Planet of the Apes right?

>>16641210
>>16641206
>>16641153
>>16641145
>>16641113
>>16640747
>>16640481
>>16640213
I don't get any of these. I'll do a couple though.

>>16641217
>As long as it doesn't fuck with the setting

>>16641240
Farscape, actually.

DM: Alright guys, Delta Green time. Let's see what you've made.
Olivia: I've got an FBI agent. Dark backstory, lived on military bases as a kid
DM: Good, good- wait, how'd you get the psychic sensitive trait?
Olivia: Medical experiments as a kid. It's in the backstory.
DM: Alright, who's next?
Walter: I've got a scientist who's spent the last 20 years in an asylum.
DM: That could work.
Walter: Also, he's the one who conducted the experiments on her character in the first place
DM: Fine, sounds good.
Peter: My character is his character's son.
DM: Let me see that sheet- how did you manage to put ranks into every single knowledge and language skill?
Peter: I took the 'switched at birth' flaw.
Walter: Can I use my starting money to buy a cow?
DM: ... fine, so you're all in Boston...

GM: Alright, first time with this system, let's see what we can do. Matt?
Matt: I took a few flaws to become an aristocratit obnoxious rich-boy type. Lots of resources, basically.
GM: Good stats, too. You might be a bit too good. How about Susie?
Susie: Uh, well, I didn't know what to do so, my character is sort of bland. She has one feat, though.
GM: She has a Rage power, triple her Strength when angered. Cool! We can make crazy good use of that!
>two more enter out of scene
GM: You two are late!
Allen: Yeah, yeah, sorry. Princess couldn't decide what to wear to this.
Lucy: Don't you 'Princess' me!
GM: Do you two have your characters?
Allen: Yeah, here.
GM:....Allen...dude, I don't know what you did but holy God you're character is...useless!
Allen: No he's not! Look at all those points into Escape Artist and Evasion! And look at that Luck score!
GM: It's in the negatives!
Allen: But it's high!
GM: Groaning! And Lucy you- uh, what race is this? You can fly, shoot electricity, have access to spacefaring technology as basic gear? Was there a book I didn't know about? And what's this "Other" flaw you listed?
Lucy: Oh, well, me and Allen's characters are a couple.
Allen: Begrudgingly. She made me dump out my Charisma or she was going to tear up the sheet and set fire to my sock drawer.
Matt:....this game is going nowhere, isn't it?
GM: We'll write it all off as slapstick. Let's just have fun...

(I TOTALLY did not namefag in the last post. Nope. No I did not.)

GM: Okay, I already see some problems. This is a paranormal mystery game. Sam, your character has NOTHING supernatural. Wits and Observation are superhuman, abused childhood and conman traits...And Bluff is maxed with almost no charisma.
Sam: Sounds like he can act like he's supernormal.
GM: Supernatural.
Sam: I've heard it both ways.
GM: Jim, you're playing...A drug dealer. No. Lance and Jen are playing COPS.
Jim: Sam told me to make a best friend for his character and run with it!
GM: Uh...Fine, you can work for a pharmaceutical company. Lance. You're a detective in a resort town.
Lance: Fuck you! I want to be a hard-boiled cop!
GM: ...Jen, I give up. It doesn't look like there's anything TO your character.
Jen: She's really young. Ooh, and all her family members are cops! Except her oldest one, he's an army guy.
GM: ...I'll take it. Okay, if you guys aren't taking this seriously, neither will I. It'll be a comedy game about normal mysteries. Let's start.

>>16641263
What is this? It sounds fun.

>>16641240
>Planet of the Apes right?
Nope

GM: Look, we need to talk. While there's nothing wrong with it mechanically, your character is looking like he might become a bit of a problem.

Steve: What kind of problem?

GM: You're playing a peasant pretending to be a samurai who swings around a giant sword. It's raising some red flags for me. Special snowflake and all that.

Steve: Yeah so? That's got historical accuracy. Lots of lowborn people pretended to be samurai to get ahead. And the sword's not buster sword huge, if that's what you're getting at. I'm not trying to play a Final Fantasy character.

GM: And you don't really have any combat skills. Or etiquette. Or anything really useful. I mean, when is points in rice farming going to be useful?

Steve: He's a rice farmer. He'd need to know how to do his job. Not everything is about optimization.

GM: Look, if I'm going to let you play this guy, you have to promise me he won't be annoying. Because a pretend samurai who can't fight but still insists on carrying around a huge-ass sword he can't use sounds like it could easily turn into an annoying character.

>>16641285
80s anime. It IS fun.

>>16641241
I just figured a Farscape game would basically go down like that. Crichton's player just hilariously derails the entire campaign by hijacking the escaped prisoners trying to reclaim their past lives plot with his left field wormhole bullshit.

Everything went better than expected.

>>16641210

GM: We're playing BESM Mecha again. I was thinking we'd do something normal and-
Ben: I want to play our old game again!
GM: ...What? No. Jesus christ, Amy tried to kill herself. I had to see a shrink. Never. Again.
Amy: ...I'm okay with it.
GM: You're okay with everything!
Ben: Wait, I know! We can bring my new girlfriend in!
Mary: Ooooh, robots? That sounds sugoi! I want to play a schoolgirl that makes cat noises and sings!
Jess; It's okay. I'll change my character a little. She'll be less of a bitch. And have a different last name. It'll be fine!
GM: I hate you all so much.

>>16641280
You are the fucking MAN for this
THE FUCKING MAN

>>16641323
Why weren't they playing AdEva?

>>16641328
>>16641280
What is this?

>>16641331
why would you do that when the point is guessing the setting?

DM: Wait, everyone wants to be the Rogue Trader?

>>16641337

DM: Okay guys, ready for this sci-fi Savage Worlds Game? Let's take a look at your characters. Amy, you're playing a...Scottish human?
Amy: And what's wrong with that, boyo?
DM: Okay...you're not really that good in combat, but you do well in investigation and are okay with diplomacy.
Amy: I've also got the "I'm with him" hindrance for having to be around Dan's character.
DM: Okay...Rick, you have that same hindrance, I'm assuming that's for Dan?
Rick: No...I'm following Amy's character around. Also, my character spent time in the past as a Roman soldier.
DM: What? Okay...whatever.
Dan: Everything look alright on mine?
DM: Let's see...you're over nine-hundred years old, have numerous enemies but almost no combat skills, but your diplomacy is insane, and...you own a space ship that looks like a blue Policemen's box from London... I thought you guys were going to take this seriously?!
Dan: Come along, Pond.

GM: This is a high powered campaign people, so show me what you made.
Joe: A H2H fighter. Karate master with a love of curry.
GM: Wow, those are some badass stats. This guy could probably punch through a wall. What about you Jill?
Jill: I made a noncombat character.
GM: What? Let me have a look. Your charisma is through the roof... and those skills... I also see that you have a katana, yet no combat skills. Then again I'm pretty sure you'll be able to talk your way out of most situations.
What about you Pete, another Punisher type guy?
Pete: No, actually I made a high school girl with pretty normal stats.
GM: And a whole arsenal of firearms. Where does she even keep them all? Not to mention all that ammo.
Pete: I don't know, but you said this was a high powered campaign and I wanted to try something else than a huge manly fighter like Joe here.
GM: Problem is, even with all these guns you're still too weak for the campaign. I guess I'll have to give you a tank.
Pete: Sweet! So what will we be up against.
GM: Elves

>>16641352
Too one the nose.
Should have been more vague with 'Dan'

>>16641364
No clue until Elves.
Nice.

GM: Look, I'm starting to get fed up with your bullshit.

Dale: What? I didn't do anything!

GM: I told you this would be a murder mystery game. You say you want to play an FBI agent. I say fine. So you create a psychic who solves cases by following prophetic dreams?

Dale: I just figured the whole Sherlock Holmes thing was done to death and wanted a more unconventional detective.

GM: Obsession (Cherry pie and a damned good cup of coffee)? Really?

Dale: So he's a bit quirky. Doesn't make him any worse of a character.

GM: Your character portrait has him giving the thumbs up!

Dale: He got good news. He just heard his favourite gum was coming back in style.

>>16641384
What's this?

>>16641400
An amazing/terrible old show with a cult status.
Google FBI cherry pie. It's the first result.

GM: You're playing a fantasy game. It'll be a sequel to a game I ran with another group a few months ago. What are your motivations?
Kyle:I'm a thief with a magic bracelet my experienced warrior friend passed onto me before he died.
GM: Hm. Okay. Liz?
Liz: Swordswoman trying to avenge her brother, a seasoned mercenary that fell ill from the same force possessing Kyle. I thought we'd make the magic bracelet our macguffin.
GM: Sounds great. Bill?
Bill: Legendary hero. Partners with Kyle's friend, I blame him for his death and think he did it with witchcraft.
GM: Okay, here's the twist: Your characters are metafictional in a video game. Their players now have the character's motivations. And go!

>>16641400
Really? You're honestly telling me you're not getting what is perhaps the least subtle reference to one of the most famous tv shows of all time? Really, just google the phrase "cherry pie and a cup of coffee".

For shame, anon. For shame.

>>16641305
Fuck yes! Seven Samurai up in this bitch!

>>16641432
Twin Peaks? I doubt I know anyone who has even heard of it.

>>16641434
I don't think it is, dude. It's one samurai. With a no-dachi.

>>16641431
Oh fuck yes.
Between this and Psych, my favourite game and show have been mentioned.
If anyone does my favourite movie I'll begin to think something's up.

>>16641448
Oh wow. I did both of those. So thanks! Uh, movie. I'll need to think.

>>16641443
A farmer with a no-dachi pretending to be a samurai? That's obviously Kikuchiyo.

>>16641451
inb4 terrible anime adaptation.

>Kyle, you know that me giving you a power doesn't mean I'll tell you how to use it, right?
>Yeah, whatever, I can just make shit up on the fly.

>Ok so you want to play a swordsman. This is weird, why do you have three swords marked on your sheet?
>I use three swords.
>What?
>I wield the third sword with my face
>Er.
>Also, I took the flaw "Always wounded."

>So Keith, how do you expect to fight with your hands always in your pockets?
>I fight with my feet obviously.
>Riiiight.

>Damn it Rick, your bluff is nowhere near high enough to convince people you have 8000 soldiers.

>So, Jake, you're playing an awakened reindeer, that also happens to be a doctor.
>I also have seven forms. And I'm adorably cute.

>Sally, you've somehow managed to make a completely broken character. Could you avoid combat if possible?
>Sure. I can enjoy watching the other be idiots.
>Well, at least your character actually cares about the plot.

>I get it Ian, you do a great Ace Ventura impersonation, but for god's sake put some pants on.

>Steve, did you make an undead bard just so you make terrible puns?
>Maybe.
>Also, stop asking to see panties. That's never going to work.

>Rachel, thank god you actually made a reasonable character. Shame you can't fight at all. Here, have a magic staff or something.

DM: okay let's those character sheets of your. So Richard is marshall, Simon paladin and Paul is aristocrat.
DM: But I have to say Richard and Simon's characters seem dangerously Gary Stu. And Ric had his sister taken by the ruling emperor as his concubine while Simon is secrectly in love with her? And all this motivates you to overthrow the empire from the inside?
Richard: Hey now, that's standard motivation for old epics. And my character isn't perfect. He might have all the combat skills, brains and charisma to make men gay for him but he's just from a poor noble family. And he has no talent outside these. Hell, he totally lacks all knowledge of the workings of the opposite sex. Plus I took that random disease flaw so I should be good.
DM: Okay that might work but you do know I roll for the disease and you only know what it is if it's visible?
Richard: Yup.
DM: Now Simon. The hell is this? You're even more perfect. Everything like Richard had except no flaws.
Simon: Hey, my char's from a commoner background in a realm ruled by closed caste of nobles. He'll be resented like fuck by the old money. Plus his life motivation revolves entirily around Richard's char and his sister. I'm basically Richard's lapdog.
DM: Sure, why not. Just don't go flaming gay with Richard and all should be fine.
DM: Well this might be interesting. Paul's character is a machiavellian schemer with minimal combat skills, lower than average charisma yet huge diplomatic skills bundled with equally high intelligence and wisdom. And you're a stoic with monotone voice and artificial eyes?! So all you're relying is your superior wit and schemes?
Paul: That's right. My guy will make sure shit will get done in the team. And he's doing whatever needed to advance Ric's plans to overthrow the empire. It should be fine balance for those two pretty boys.
DM: ...So Simon is Richard's puppy and you're the NSDAP officer? Okay I think I can handle this.

>>16641450
I'm sorry, I can't think of a good movie to do that hasn't already been done. What's your favorite movie? You sound cool. My e-mail's in the e-mail field.

>>16641479
Lay down your heart onto the Sea of the Stars..

>>16641442
Wow, that's sad. It's one of those shows I thought everyone had heard of, if only for the backwards-talking midget.

>>16641494
It's not that well known outside of America.

>>16641472
wait. is this one-peice?

>>16641472

>>16641472
>Not mentioning the inherent ridiculousness of a cyborg shipwright powered by cola that can combine with various vehicles to become a super robot.
You really missed an opportunity there.

>>16641498
I'm not American.

>>16641499

Yes.

>>16641500

>BBEG: Your party is unconscious. I will let your captain go, but you will take his place. I will extract every point of damage dealt to him this battle, and you will take this excruciating pain in addition to the near-fatal damage you have already received. You will surely die.
>Knight: Deal.
>Roll to survive
>20
>Party recovers. Knight is missing. Fighter finds Knight standing in a lake of his own blood.
>Fighter: What the HELL happened here!?
>Knight: Nothing... happened!!!

DM: I've just finished my epic, episodic quest plot... what do your characters look like.

Susan: Some kind of immortal kung-fu wizard king who pissed off the gods?
Brian: I want to play an ex bureaucrat who is now a fisherman.
Steven: Me too!.. damn... so... my guy is an ex bureaucrat who is a local rape-murderer cannibal.
Brian: I'll take a side of the murderer for my fisherman, but you can keep the rape.
Alice: I'm playing a reverse trap pure monk with no combat or magic skills, but s/he rides a dragon and has to get the macguffin.

>DM face palms.

>>16641450
Actually, lemme try it.

DM: Ok guys. Ready to play the Doctor Who rpg?
P1: Yeah. Totally. Here's my character, dude.
P2: And mine.
DM: Two wanna be rock stars? Below average intelligence and zero mechanical and computer training.
P1: I feel their personalities and love for friendship and fun will be their best selling points, my good man.
P2: Totally. Plus, how could you hate such awesome dudes like us?
DM: Riiight. So, George. Where do you come in?
P3: I'm the time traveler from the future. I give them their TARDIS.
DM: Alright. Why?
P3: Well, in the future, they become huge rock stars and everyone loves them.
DM: So you're a fan? That's it?
P3: Everyone's a fan! And they needed them so they could learn about history.
DM: That's... an interesting take on this. Ok. I can do this.
P3: Oh and my schedule changed so I won't be able to make it to all the sessions.
P1: It's just you and me dude!
P2: Excellent! *high five*

>>16641543
Damnit. I would have guessed Scott Pilgrim for some reason. Damn my monkey brain!

Okay, I'm convinced. You're awesome. We need to become best friends. Do you have an AIM?

DM: Alright guys, we've split the normal group into two seperate games that will be fighting against each other. Nick, you're going to be playing the villain, right?
Nick: Yeah, he's an evil genius who's trying to get into the big villain's league. He has flaws with his alter-ego because he has a thing for Fionna's character from the other group.
DM: Okay...that might be a little odd, but we'll try to make it work. Sam, you're the side-kick, what's your power?
Sam: I'm...slightly damp?
DM:

>>16641558
I do not. SPvtW is a damn fine movie though. I'll shoot you an email, broheim.

>>16641604
This.

DM: Okay, Ian, for the Savage Worlds game you're going to be an archaeologist?
Ian: Hell yeah, archaeologist's are supposed to be badass!
DM: Okay... Stats look fine, but why the huge agility?
Ian: Do you know how often archaeologist have to shoot nazis and use their whips?
DM: Why do you have a whip?!
Ian: It's given to you at graduation, I told you archaeologists are badasses.

>>16641543
That was a nice movie.

>>16640481

DM: Kyle, your character's an extremely old Warforged that somehow has the powers of a god?!
Kyle: Don't worry, he pretty much just sits in his chair.

GM: Look, I'm sorry Dan, but your character's dead. He died in the initial charge. Maybe you should've made him a more competent fighter instead of putting all your points into charisma and social skills?

Dan: Come on! I never figured the king would make me lead the battle against the necromancer.

GM: At least they think you're the hero of the battle of Gallowsmere.

Dan: Whoop-de-doo. Tell it to my cold, dead body.

GM: I figured the next campaign would start a few hundred years later. Since you failed to kill him, the evil necromancer has returned and uses his powers to raise an army of undead servants.

Dan: I want to play the same character! He needs a shot at redemption!

GM: What? There's no raising the dead in this setting.

Dan: But the necromancer is raising an army of the dead, right? So how about he accidentally raises me too?

GM: You're going to fight an army of zombies and a ridiculously powerful evil wizard all on your own? When said army killed you when you had an army on your side too? It's your funeral, I guess.

Dan: Bring it.

>>16641543

Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure, I presume?

>>16640169

>Many, many sessions later...

GM: You approach the general's castle, and see him set fire to your army's flag.

Ken: That fucking tears it. I throw his spear right back at him.

GM: Hah, alright, I'll let you attempt to roll for it. It's not like you can hit him from that distan--

Ken: Did you forget what my character's Strength and Dexterity are at?

GM: ...The general practically craps his pants as HIS OWN SPEAR IMPALES HIM RIGHT THROUGH HIS NECK, INTO THE WALL BEHIND HIM. Jesus. Christ.

>>16641573
Marry me.
NOW.

DM: Frank, you're playing a twelve-year-old human fighter? You know this world is way in the future after humanity caused a nuclear apocalypse. For fuck's sake man, Betty's playing the princess of sugar people!
Frank: It's cool man, I just wanted to be a fighter and beat up on the bad guys. Oh, I'm also Jim's brother.
Jim: Right on, bro.
DM: Wait, what? Jim, you're character's race is sentient canine, how can you be brothers?
Jim: I dunno, say my parents found him in the forest or something!
DM: Fine, whatever...
Jim: Oh, my character also found some magical mud or some shit and after rolling around in it he has a completely amorphous body.
DM: ...whatever, man.

>>16641659

Dude, I'm baked as shit right now. If you streamed it, I would buy you a beer if I ever met you in real life.

>>16641668
WHAT TIME IS IT?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADVENTURE!!

>>16641683

DM: P1, it says here that you're an office worker? Your fighting stats are kind of low.
P1: My guy's not really a fighter. Just someone tired of the way his life is going.
P2: That's where I step in.
DM: Yeah. You're a fighter and a con-man? Is that right?
P2: Entrepeneur. The world's shit and I'm just trying to make it better. By force if I have to.
DM: And Sally you're kind of a rough girl. No fighting skills?
P3: I'm just there to make everyone feel better after the fights.
DM: Ok. Tyler, yo-
P2: Shit. Hey. I've got to go.
P1: That's ok. I'll play both.

>>16641668
Been done, bro.
>>16640803

>>16641703
Oh that's fucking lovely

>>16641703
that ending.
Hope you put on a hardhat, because YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND

GM: Alright, let's see that sheet. Ok Jill, I see you are playing are playing a scientist without any notable other skills, especially not combat. I suppose you will still come in handy as a supporting- ... you have crippled x5, enemy and edited memories?
Jill: Yeah, she messed up an experiment, died, got revived by her employees, who then nailed her to a wall.
GM: Ok, I guess Jerry's character can find you later. Let's see what you made, Jerry.
Ok, you have superhuman stats, regenerative abilities, good combat skills, absolutely no social skills. Seems a bit one-sided, but it will work well with Jill's character, I suppo- Jerry, what the fuck?
Jerry: What?
GM: What the fuck kind of gun is this?
Jerry: Oh, it's a gravitational b-
GM: It's a nuclear holocaust in pistol form. Jerry, is this even legal?

GM: All right, Ken. You can play your character, but I'm still a bit pissed you took all those character flaws just to get more character points. An amnesiac mute with no worldly possessions just seems kind of lame.

Ken: It'll work out. Trust me.

GM: If it looks like he'll turn into a dull munchkin character who is just there to win every fight, I'm shutting you down. So, what about the two of you?

Cindy: Well, my character's a princess who is searching for her lost sister who disappeared when visiting the empire. I'm not much of a fighter, but I know a bunch of magic. Also, I have wings.

Chris: I'm a cat with a huge bat. I'm the chief of the cat-people and a childhood friend of the two princesses. I'm also Cindy's bodyguard.

GM: Fine, sounds reasonable. And what about you, Jim?

Jim: I'm playing a ruthless dog mercenary who is in it for the cash. I like to stay quiet because I have a speech impediment.

GM: Sounds cool. And Jane?

Jane: I'm playing an imperial soldier. A no nonsense kind of gal who likes to solve her problems with a gun. I'm currently assigned to bring in Ken's character.

GM: As long as the entire game doesn't devolve into inter-party conflicts, I'll allow it. And what about you, Rob?

Rob: I'm playing a sentient suit of armour with a personality disorder, working as a cleaner. It has rocket fists and an awesome red cape.

GM: And I see you have no social skills to speak of, and a metric fuckton of flaws, including "no sense of humor".

Rob: Also, I have the soul of a slutty nymphomaniac god stuck inside me.

GM: Goddamnit, Rob!

DM: Ok so we're all set up for my steampunk game. Let's see what you've made. Tina?
Tina: I've got this half-elemental chick.
DM: Ok, looks pretty solid. But you know that you won't get the cooler abilities til you level up right?
Tina: Yeah, I'll just say she has amnesia or something.
DM: Alright, next is Larry... you've got a thief?
Larry: That's treasure hunter!
DM: Whatever... seems alright. Claire you've got a knight. What's this special ability?
Claire: I can absorb magic.
DM: Ok... and finally Sean. You've got a monk with... what the hell is with this high strength score?
Sean: Training from hell.
DM: What the hell are you planning to do with it? Body slam trains or something?

DM: Okay, so you guys are all a band of thiefs, right?
Tony: Yeah, he has the Wanted (Major) Flaw because he's wanted by every country in the world. He's brilliant, but also has a huge weakness for any woman.
DM: Okay...you guys are world-class thieves, so being Wanted like that is fine.
Richard: I'm his partner in crime, we've been working together for ages. Most of my points went into Shooting, making me one of the best in the world.
DM: Jesus, I don't think you could ever miss!
Lex: I'm from a long line of samurai, he's trained in numerous Japanese martial arts and can draw his sword fast enough to cut a bullet in half before reaching him.
DM: What? God dammit guys, I said no munchkin shit!
Michelle: My character's entire purpose is to seduce Tony's and always make off with the loot.
DM: ...Fuck it, I'll make the antagonist a bumbling cop that can never seem to catch you guys, this should at least be funny.

>>16641767
The last line wasn't required, but I like it.

DM: Ok, new game time. You're all criminals--
Dean: I'm not a crim. I'm clean. I run a business. As far as I'm concerned, the rest of you go to hell.
DM: Yeah, well. We all know how you got out of those charges.
Dean: Their mistake, not mine.
DM: You run a restaurant, and you've been going through the motions for financial backing, right? Flashback time. That detective in your bio... he couldn't let go of your case so easy. You were all pulled in for a line-up recently - and you, Dean, were in the middle of a meeting when it happened. He was there personally so it could be unpleasant for you.
Dean: What? This is bull. They even think about charging me with anything, I'll beat it.
Fred: What, I did time once and they think they can pull me in for anything? Treat me like a criminal, I'll end up a criminal!
Michael: You are a criminal, Fred. We should stick it to them.
Fred: Hey, I was trying to make a point here.
Todd: You got a plan?
Roger: You want to hit NYPD where it hurts? I know how. We do it clean. No one dies. Everyone gets it in the ass - right up to the top ...

>>16641769
>DM: ...Fuck it, I'll make the antagonist a bumbling cop that can never seem to catch you guys, this should at least be funny.

Best.NPC.Ever.

>>16641767
>Training from Hell
>Treasure Hunter!
This is good. Very good.

>>16641741

GM: So you're both Monks. P1, you're modelled after an old Western Funeral Director, with- That is an insane grapple skill. And you get a situational bonus in small spaces.
P1: Yep.
GM: Okay, P2, you have burn scars all over your face, so you wear a mask. At the cost of being a pyromaniac, you can, once a day, create four mini fireballs that spread around you and explode.
P2: Uh-huh.
GM: And you're brothers? Okay, whatever.

DM: Okay guys, you're going to be a rag-tag group that works together to take down the organized mob in your town. Let's see those sheets!
Chuck: I'm the leader of the group, always coming up with the plans and making sure all my people make it through alive.
Doug: I'm kind of a clumsy ranger, gets into trouble more than not. Still, I'm dedicated to the cause.
Max: I'm an Austrailian barbarian that's traveled the world and is a bit older than everyone else. Oh, I also have a major flaw when it comes to cheese.
Zach: I'm Max's sidekick, I took the flight ability and to pay it off I'm tiny and am completely mute.
Grace: I'm the tech gal and driver. Since they're my machines I won't let anyone else pilot them. Oh, also because of how much I put into my tech skills I'm scatter brained and miss things a lot.

Look, Steve and Dave, you can't just create the same characters and just switch some stuff in their backgrounds. And Lucy, I'm pretty sure Interpol doesn't hire agents dressed like Chinese hookers, mad kung fu skills or no. Brad, your character only has two skills. Brett, yoga doesn't work that way. Jerry, you can't be a Russian bear wrestler. And Frank, what the fuck man? I don't even know what to say to this. An electric man from the jungles of Brazil?

DM: Dresden Files, fools! Gimme those sheets!
Pete:....
DM: Pete, you maxed your CQC stats and abilities, can use any basic, military, and para-military weapon and you have a self-haste Reflex ability that slows everything else down. Wow. That's....ridiculous dude. How did you fit all that on one character?
Pete:...
DM: What's wrong with your brother?
Paxton: He has a sore throat, can't talk with it.
DM: Uh-huh. You realize, with all these traits and shit, you're the villain, right?
Paxton: I imagined so, yes. But it'll all make sense in time.
James: What about us?
Kim: We made characters too!
DM: Nothing personal, but honestly, I don't think they'll matter too much. I can send wave after wave of these super-soldier legions after Pete and his munchkin ass will be able to handle all of them.

>>16641867

I'm so happy some got it.

>>16641874
I don't know about that guy, but it took me to Max. Then I went back and awwww yeah.

>>16641852

At cheese I had it figured out.

>>16641879
>>16641880

I figured the cheese thing would make it obvious.

>>16641879
>>16641880
BIGSMILE.jpg
Well look at that. We got it at the same time.

>>16641855
>Brad, your character only has two skills
But a kickass theme song.

DM: Ok let's see what you jokers have got this time.
Pete: Well me and Joe have two identical characters.
Joe: They're brothers, and they're vigilantes.
DM: You listed their race as "Irish"
Pete: So?
DM: No reason, just found it interesting. Dave?
Dave: I've got this little runner guy. His combat skills suck but he's got a crazy amount of contacts.
DM: Ok, but don't be surprised if you die horribly. Anyway Matt couldn't be here today but he sent this character.
Pete: What the, why does he have six guns?
DM: No clue, he just said to throw him in next session as your "long lost relative".

>>16641867
>>16641874
>>16641879
>>16641880
>>16641885
>>16641886
Well now I just feel dumb...

>>16641897
Yeah, it took me a minute too.

>>16641904
I still don't get it

>>16641910
You see, sometimes crimes have a habit of slipping through the cracks...

>>16641910

These threads are awesome. I'd probably write some stuff from ace combat if I could come up with believeable rp scenario and stuff..

>>16641917
Oh.
OH!
Sunnuva...I don't have a face for this feeling. Only bad words.

GM: Let’s see what you made. May. You want to be a scientist, but…
May: If you’re not going to allow homebrew classes, this is what comes closest.
GM: I suppose so. Well, Edd. True to form you went for the least human thing this setting allows you to play as.
Edd: If I can’t play a kobolt I want to play a robot, but it is as May said; no homebrews.
GM: Last game ended so early because all your homebrewed PCs literally broke the plot. Tell you what, I’ll allow you to play an android. In the setting robots have to be operated.
May: Can I put my final few points in that? Operate Robot Basic?
GM: Sure, be my guest. Right. Bobby, you’re going for soldier. No issues with that.
And Art. You’re also a soldier.
Art: Yeah, but I’m a Sarg, Bobby is the Lt.
GM: Well, according to this you get 4 marine NPCs a piece. I suppose I can work with that.
Bobby: What do you mean work with?
GM: I’ve told you you’ll be playing in a scifi space-opera a la HP Lovecraft, right… See, Bobby, you are on a mission…

>>16641852

You have no idea how happy I was when I figured it out.

DM: So, sorry about how the last game ended, that's the last time I forget to take my meds before a session. I think we're going to try the same thing, only far into the future. Who wants to tell me their character first?

P1: I'm a really short kid who's good at digging. Also, I have crippling emotional problems.

DM: Except for the digging, that sounds like your last character.

P2: Well, I've got an idea how to redeem him

DM: Fine, just slip me a note later. So, who's next?

P2: I'm making a sniper.

DM: Who also dresses like a stripper. Whatever, I can work with this, now you are...

DM pauses

DM: Why is the only thing written on your sheet manly as fuck?

P3: I NEED NO OTHER SKILLS! MY MANLINESS AND MANLY COMBINING WILL SAVE US ALL!

DM: What. Alright, last one.

P4: I'm an engineer

DM: That's good

P4: Who's also gay and sounds like a transsexual

DM: Goddamn it.

Several sessions later...

DM: PUNY HUMANS!

P4: Oh god, the DM is off his meds again

P2: QUICK LITTLE BRO! PREFORM MANLY COMBINATION WITH THAT MECH!

DM: Alright guys, this is a mainly fighting game. You're going to be fighting against teams that are pretty much just like you, usually you'll be trying to do some espionage and get info on the other team, might be some trench-like fighting too. So let's see your characters.
Scott: Hey man, fighter's wicked fast and he's from outta Brooklyn and will mess your shit up!
Saul: I'm a war veteran, at least that's what I tell people. I love fighting and hate to see any pansies that don't want to fight.
Pete: I burn things...
Don: I'm a bloody Scottish cyclops that loves explosives...and booze, lot's of it.
Hank: I'm a big, burly guy that can carry around a bigger gun than everyone else. It makes me slower, but I can do more damage with all the bullets. I also love my gun...A LOT.
Eric: I solve problems by putting up this cool portable sentry I read about. If that doesn't work, I build a bigger sentry.
Mike: These idiots are going to be getting themselves hurt...A LOT. So I'm gonna be the healer, using a weird science gun I designed.
Sam: Getting up in front get's you killed, mate. That's why I'm gonna stick in the back with a high-powered sniper rifle.
DM: Alright, you guys all sound pretty balanced... Hey, where the hell did Spencer go?

>>16641867
GM: Okay, like I told you this will be a post-apocalyptic game where humanity lives in a clockwork tower and the church controls everything. What's your character, Jack?
Jack: A former soldier who got fed up with the military life. He now works as a mercenary, using his old military contacts to score various odd jobs.
GM: And Clay?
Clay: I'm a juvenile criminal who was adopted by Jack's character after an incident. I used to have a sister, but she's gone now.
GM: Julie?
Julie: I'm an orphan who was used as a research subject. I managed to flee and decided to kill myself when Clay's character saved me. I've been working with them ever since.
GM: And you've all put all your skill points into shooting and acrobatics?

>>16641950
Next Session:
Hank: "BWAHAHA I AM BULLETPROOF!"
DM: Son of a... I knew I shouldn't have let you have that ability.

>>16641936

>DM: Why is the only thing written on your sheet manly as fuck?
>P3: I NEED NO OTHER SKILLS! MY MANLINESS AND MANLY COMBINING WILL SAVE US ALL!

Fuck yeah.

>>16641966

>>16641936
So ... did Kamina's player reroll as Nia, or did Simon's player give Simon to Kamina's player and reroll as Nia?

>>16641930
I can't into what this might be.
Why am I thinking Tenshi Muyo????

>>16641966

Mike: Look, I told you, this only works for eight seconds. I had to do that surgery that could have killed Hank's character, and I didn't even know if it WOULD work the first time!

>>16641978
Kamina's player took Rossiu as his next PC, then convinced the DM to let him play as the reoccuring NPC Viral.

>>16641986

>Think of Viral.
>Immediately remember what his ideal world was.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hok7Ka05jos

HE JUST WANTED A FAMILY!

>>16641992
Eh he has all of eternity to do that. I'd say things worked out well for him in the end.

>>16641992
>engdub

>>16641997
beastman can't reproduce, they're all genetically engineered clones, so thats the twist, he can't have kids

>>16641997

Beastmen can't have kids, Genome stated it himself.

>>16642001

I hate it too, couldn't find any Japanese ones.

GM: Okay, we're doing Mage, I want everyone to roll up one character and one 10 dot humanoid familiar... and Steve if you twink out your character again I'm going to kick you from the game.

Steve: Oh come on, I wasn't even min-maxing all that hard in that VtM game!

GM: YOU MURDERED THE COLOUR PURPLE!

Tracy: I heard about that game, was it really as overpowered as people say?

Adrian: He had to sic a final boss that was actually comprised of everyones worst nightmares to even provide a challenge.

GM: WHICH PART OF THIS IS "NEVER SPEAKING OF THAT CAMPAIGN EVER AGAIN"!?

[players roll up characters]

GM: Okay, so, Steve appears to have rolled up and outcast mage with next to no magic power and a few dots in regeneration, fair enough, Tracy's got a magic prodigy with an emphasis on item crafting using crystals, and Adrian is playing a... wait what?

Adrian: Loli Homonculous with ridiculous magic power.

GM: Oh god. Let's have a look at Sarahs character sheet. Wait, why do you have two of them... wait, what is this on the backstor... WHAT THE FUCK SARAH? WHAT? This is almost as bad as last game where you played those two maids!
You know what? Fine, whatever, let's have a look at the familiars...

[pause]

GM: I said TEN dots, not a hundred.

Players: ah.

>>16641930

Alien 2?

>>16641952
OK, what is this?
Because it sounds cool.

>>16641992
oh boy l really should watch the parallel works
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aesJEMZv99Q&feature=grec_index

DM: Okay guys, let me see those sheets. Remember, it's the same setting from last game, with a few details changed. Ready?
Everyone: Ready!
DM: Great. I see you're using the same character as always, Mike.
Mike: What would a game be without me?
DM: True. Mitch, you're playing a wizard focusing on storm magic?
Mitch: Yeah, with a little bit of support thrown in. I'm not really planning on being useful this game.
DM: Suit yourself.
Mitch: Also, I'm a frog.
DM: You attached a picture; you aren't a fucking frog.
Mitch: I'm a frog.
DM: Whatever. Brad, you clearly didn't come prepared.
Brad: Yes I did, my sheet is right here.
DM: This is my BBEG from last game with the stats lowered. Even the name and backstory are the same.
Brad: Mike and I made up and we're friends now, reread the backstory.
DM: Fine, I'll work around it. Gene, what did you come up with.
Gene: I'm an awakened humanoid.
DM: Cool, like a golem?
Gene: Kind of. More like a toy.
DM: A toy.
Gene: Yeah, I shoot stars and shit.
DM: I'm never letting you play in another game after this. You guys ready?
Peter: You forgot me.
DM: Peter, "woman" isn't a class.
Peter: Yes it is. I even took "Weapon Focus: Kitchen Tool".
DM: Whatever, we don't have any girls in the group so thankfully nobody should be offended.
Peter: I'm also going to be Mike's girlfriend, but Brad has a secret crush on me.
DM: =/

GM: Alright let me see your character sheets guys.
GM:....
Matt & Steve: what?!
GM: so youre Irish twin with maxed out shooting, luck scores and know 8 languages.
Matt: Ya but we dont start out with any gear and are dirt poor.
Steve: We were planning on getting gear as the game progressed and we were home schooled my our mom.
GM: Alright whatever. Atleast Dave can make out a non munchin character.
Dave: Ya Im good buddies with Matt and Steve's characters and put max points into contacts: Mob. A nobody in the organization but know everything about it.
GM: Well Andy isnt going to be playing until next session but he told me he's a FBI agent.
GM: Alright, youre all in Boston and its St Patrick's Day. Youre all in a bar.

DM: Alright so, we've got a modern fantasy campaign set in a small rural town, and there's going to be a little bit of a mystery element. What've you got for me?

Bob: I'm a teenage girl obsessed with martial arts movies and who eats more steak than a starving Texan. Specialises in physical and ice skills.

DM: Goddamnit Bob, again with your kung fu girls? Alright, how about you, Dane?

Dane: My guy is a tough sunnuvabitch who fights biker gangs, but also has a soft, delicate side and helps out in his family's shop making textiles and shit. His sexuality is in question and will provide much comic relief. Lightning and phys.

DM: ...Was with you right until the end there, but whatever. Hannah?

Hannah: She's a popular but painfully shy girl whose parents run a local inn. She's our healer, and I also threw some fire skills in for contrast.

DM: Alright then, very nice. Jenny?

Jenny: My guy's the resident butt monkey, always getting into trouble or saying the wrong thing. Has a crush on a minor NPC, wind and slash-based physical skills.

DM: Sure, we could use some extra comic relief. Marina?

Marina: Reverse trap, detective, and TOTALLY bishie, omg she's so cute. Also has a motherfucking revolver and I've pumped deduction. Battle-wise.... Um, I didn't really understand the battle system, so I just took things that sounded cool. Are Light/Dark/Almighty skills any good?

DM: ....Uh...... Well, you'll be handy OUTSIDE combat, at least.
Ed... You seem to have maxed out social skills... And then taken the Mute and Albino flaws so you could use any skills you want... How will that even work?

Ed: DO NOT QUESTION ME, I AM THE CHOSEN OF THE BUTTERFLY GOD.

>>16642094
This is the game for me.

>DM: Right so you're playing the ugly old monster with a heart of gold?
Tom: Yea should be easy to work with right?
>DM: Right! As for the rest of you, honestly it's like you don't even care.
Oliver: What do you mean?
>DM: Well for one you're playing a goblin when I made it clear that all goblins would be enemies.
Oliver: So I'm a treacherous goblin.
>DM: Urgh. Brian why is your paladin's size listed as "small"?
Brian: Otherwise I wouldn't be able to ride my dog!
>DM: Whatever. Yves I know you like to play the damsel in distress but this is just stupid. You character has nothing going for her. What am I supposed to make of a 15 year old girl with no appreciable skills?
Yves: Make it work. You always do.
>DM: Fine! You're the only member of the party and everyone else is already lost inside the BBEG's stronghold
Yves: That's not fair!
>DM: Wrong! The BBEG also just kidnapped your brother.
Yves: You always do this!
>DM: Do what?

DM: Alright, let's see. Nick, about these exotic weapon proficiencies... I'm not going to let you take all this equipment at the start. You can have a sword and sheild, and maybe you can find some of weird stuff as we progress. How did you even buy all these skills?
Nick: Hindrances! Mute, no armor, young, clueless...
DM: Oh, right, like your last three characters. Explains how you could afford the magic talent. Wait, says here you're a human. How is your hometown an elf village?
Neil: He just thinks he's an elf! He's super androgynous.
DM: You know that's not going to last long once he hits puberty... Okay, next we have... A female pixie. Really?
Ivan: I like pixies.
DM: Whatever. You didn't take any combat skills.
Ivan: I'm gonna let Nick take care of the fighting. I just know stuff. Like, all the stuff his character doesn't, and I help guide his autistic ass along the way.
DM: Okay, let's get this over with.

>>16642130
So, how much sanity do you lose from seeing David Bowie wearing a codpiece?

GM: Okay, so, you're trapped in a gardening shed. A SMALL gardening shed, there are ten guards outside, several armed with flamethrowers and they're giving you ten seconds to come out with your hands up.

Player: What's in the shed?

GM: Gardening stuff

Player: Is there a lawnmower?

GM: Yes... but it's missing it's blades.

Player: Is there fuel in the tank though?

GM: Yes...?

Player: Okay, so, using the tubing I used to breathe whilst hiding in that pond I siphon the fuel from the tank into the empty glass coke bottle from when I used the coke to melt through the steel bars, I then attatch a left over rubber balloon from when I survived that high altitude no parachute drop, over the top. A few shakes and the balloon will fill with explosive gas. I then duct tape the small detonator we stole from the armoury onto the side and attatch the magnetic strip on the other with my paperclip multi-tool. When the guard calls ten I come out and toss the bottle at the nearest flamethrower guy's napalm tank. I have 12 ranks in Throw Object, Weapon Finesse (Thrown) and an Agility bonus of 3 so that gives me a total bonus of 17.

(rolls dice)

Player: Got it. I then detonate the small Fuel-Air Bomb, which will rupture and detonate the napalm tank, I quickly take cover back in the shed, and then escape via the window, and then over the fence and into my car waiting outside, and to safety.

GM: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

>>16642214

>>16642222

Too obvious? I was trying to think of a way to work it in, but the only line related to that subject I could think of is; "I know that bulge!"

>>16642222
Willpower save against arousal.

>>16642263
More like a willpower save against virginity loss.

>>16642246
McGyver/A-Team/Bond

>>16642049
B I N G O, Fido...

Also:
GM: So you two know what you want to play as yet?
Bob: Yup. Two Agri-world scum.
[hands over the sheets]
GM: You both took Driving (Ground Vehicle) to +10 and maxed Weapon Training (Primitive).
Lukas: We took very little else to balance it a bit. Also, since we’re starting at lv. 3 we spent our initial thrones on a car and good quality bows.
Bob: Don’t forget the dynamite.
Lukas: Oh yea, dynamite.
Bob: It is all there in the back story.
GM: You live with your uncle up till the start of the game? And your hot cousin?
Lukas & Bob: You bet’cha.

>>16636006
A Schola Progenium, obviously.

I love these threads so much

>>16642214
Dang, was gonna do this one.

I'll do another.

DM: All right. So, as you all know, I won't have that much time for DM'ing the coming months due to work, so Walt and I will both be DMs. I'll be using the Rogue Trader system, and it will be somewhat grim...
Haley: But Walt said it would be a lighthearted high fantasy game?
DM: What? So you've all made fantasy-type characters? Whatever, we'll make it work.
Haley: My character is a warrior/wizard using a two-handed sword, and his motivation is finding his friends.
DM: Fine, but I see here he's twelve? What does his parents think about his adventuring?
Haley: Whatever, I don't care.
Tony: I made a wizard with a temper, and he's fiercely loyal to the king.
Bill: And I made a knight, clumsy but good-hearted. Also very loyal to the king.
DM: Where did you get these races? And Bill, I see you haven't bought a starting weapon?
Bill: Well, I took a lot of feats specializing in shields, so I figured I'd just save the money and focus on shield bashing.
DM: Fair enough... Haley, how and why does your sword have the ability to open locked doors and chests?
Haley: Well, we don't have a rogue, do we?
DM: OK, I'm gonna start with a dream sequence to start this off...

>>16642274

>Paperclip Multitool

There was a Stargate one of these done on one of these threads that was just perfect. I'll see if I can find it.

>>16642094

Super Mario RPG much?


Player 1: Okay....let me see if I got this right...basically, that guy in the spiffy black suit and hat is more or less our character's god.
Gm: Uh huh.
Player 1: And he created the big bad to see someone become a hero, just because he was bored.
GM: More or less.
Player 1: And now he's offering us a wish. Alright guys, what do we do with the wish?
Player 2: Stuff it up his ass! Fucker was trolling us the entire time, making us climb through that fucking tower! Let's kick his ass!
Player 3: Wait, couldn't we just wish for the lives of the innocents lost in the tower to be revived?
Player 4: I dunno, this is like a once in a life time opportunity to kick god's ass. Plus, aren't you just a little tempted to use that nuke you found on the guy on GOD?
Player 3: ...Maybe just a little.
GM: Uh, guys?
Player 1: Ah, what the hell. I might as well finish the fucker off with my chainsaw.
GM: Wait, what?! You can't chainsaw god!
Player 1: Uh, actually, I can. After crunching through the numbers, I discovered that this thing's stats were wrong, causing it to insta gib creatures more powerful than the user. And guess what's more powerful than our party?
GM: No...you wouldn't.
Player 1: Not until after he lobs that nuke at you.
GM: :Sighs and facepalms:

>>16642106
In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti

DM: Okay, so it seems like you guys are playing three Sciencists, but I've gotta outright say David's is unbalanced, she's munchkined to have max knowledge skills and logic, not balanced at all.
David: Hey, she has low social skills to make up for it.
DM: You are also playing a girl again, even though I don't believe you ever came into contact with one except for your mom.
David: Well she's got high Charisma too, but she's shielded from world, doesn't know herself well around guys. That's the Insecure flaw right there. It's like I am playing a dude.
DM: It however makes Johhny's character completely worthless, because while he has knowledge and logic fairly high, he has all the other stats at okay values and took just one flaw, "Excentric", he might as well put those skillpoints somewhere else like this. Like in social skills.
Johnny: Except I am sort of playing it for the flaw. Hey, I'll leave it as it is, I won't make a big deal out of being smart.
Harry: I don't know what the HELL is the campaign going to be about, but I made a fatass hacker if anyone cares. Also Milly said she's going to bring a combat expert girl, but will come later in the game.
...
DM: It troubles me anyway, how David's character is still retarded. I am sure you are going to pull "I invent time machine" with these stats.
DM: OH WAIT I HAVE AN IDEA

>>16641145

Patlabor.


>>16641153
Alphonse?

GM: OK guys, you know the score -- sci-fi/fantasy time travel campaign using GURPS. I know I'm going to regret this, but anything goes. Let's start with your sheet, Carl... should've seen this coming. Spiky-haired katana-wielding weeaboo combat monster from 1000 CE with the mute flaw. Do you have anything to say for yourself?
Carl: (says nothing)
GM: Christ, man, you don't have to get into character THAT quickly. Next up we have...
Maria: I'm playing a super-spunky tomboy princess who gets her jollies by slipping out of the castle to do some anonymous slumming among the common folk. I'm from the same timeframe as Carl's character.
GM: *sigh* Another fucking princess, great. Let's see... crossbow proficiency... not as OP as Carl, so I'll roll with it. Next?
Lucy: Wrench-wench gadgeteer genius from the same timeframe as Carl and Maria. Packs a prototype gun of her own design, and she's a bit of a firebug.
GM: Gadgeteer, eh? That'll help me kickstart the plot, at least. Do we have anybody here who's not from the year 1000?
Glenn: Yeah, right here -- 600 CE. Honorable paladin-type. In his youth he was a cowardly squire to a great knight that fell to a wizard, and now seeks to redeem himself by avenging his mentor.
GM: Good backstory, but why did you have to make your character an anthromorphic FROG?
Glenn: The wizard did it. I want revenge for that, too.
GM: ... Well, at least it doesn't sound like fetish fuel. I'll allow it for now. But you keep that tongue to yourself, mister. Next?
Rob: I'm a sentient battle robot built in the year 1999. The rocket fists and lasers are standard issue.
GM: Whatever. And last but not least, we come to Aileen...
Aileen: Me strong cavewoman warrior! Me lead tribe and fight lizardfolk for survival!
GM: OK, that'll do. Let's get this freak show on the road.

DM: Okay guys, let's start up this campaign. You're going to be fighting against a bunch of other schmucks in a game tournament of your choosing. Let''s see what you guys have.
Yancy: My character wants to help out his team mates as much as possible, he also has an item of power that has a ghost of a dead king that gives him advice.
DM: Okay...weird, but it will help me advance the plot.
John: I'm a badass punk from the streets that beats up on people with my fists! Yancy's character was one of my victims, but we made up and are pals now.
DM: Alright, nice to see you guys working together.
Keith: I've dumped most of my points into wealth, making me a rich guy that can buy most anything. However, to off-set that I also took the Arrogant flaw and hate to have people enforce their rules when I have so much money.
DM: Basically a 'screw the rules' kind of guy?
Keith: Yep.
DM: Alright, the money will help the gro-
Keith: No, they're poor and can't have any of my money.
DM: Great, you're one of 'those' characters... Ashley, your character has the 'inexperience' flaw?
Ashley: Yeah, she's Yancy's childhood friend, but didn't really get into the game. She's also in love with the ghost that possess Yancy.
DM: Alright, whatever.
Hank: My character's voice gives him SUPER STRENGTH.
DM: Fine, whatever! Wait...you guys all have a huge amount of points invested in 'children's card games'?
Yancy: Yeah, that's what we decided the tournament's gonna be about!
DM: Fine, whatever...better than that fucking 'card games on motorcycles' idea you had...

No.16641855 indigo prophecy?

>>16642827
Character Trait; Screw the Rules, I have money!

The player may, at any point, pay a certain amout of ingame currency to bend the rules. This could be as simple as paying 100 gold to take an extra turn or as major as spending every coin they have earned up to this point to ascend to godhood. Final arbiter on what rules can be "screwed" and how much its costs is the GM

DM: Alright, modern-day apocalypse campaign, you know the drill. What are you guys playing?
P1: Plucky young everyman-type, puts his friends' safety above his own, you know the type- typical heroic party leader.
DM: Alright, let me see those stats... low Wisdom, high Charisma, alright... Flaw: Naive, Flaw: Easily Manipulated, Flaw: Young, what are you hoping to get out of all these flaws? Wait... Spirit Guide?
P1: My dead grandmother.
DM: Oh god.
P1: Yeah, I dropped the rest of the points into Weapon Specialization: Hammer and Air Manipulation.
DM: Wait, Air Manipulation?
P1: Yeah, found it in a different book. Figured it'd be useful.
DM: This isn't even a fantasy campaign... you know what, fuck it.

>>16642094
mfw I got this

>>16643145
I salute your impeccable taste. Wasn't sure if you guys would get the reference.

I wish I could get these. Most of them are flying straight over my head and leaving me feeling very left out.

>>16643199
I'm only getting about one in three, but I love this thread anyway.

GM: Let me get this straight. I say we're going to play an Asian flavoured fantasy campaign where an evil empire is slowly but surely committing worldwide genocide.

Group: Right.

GM: And your characters are a 112 year old child, a blind aristocrat, a wizard who doesn't know a single spell, and a fighter with 18 charisma?

Group: A-yup.

GM: And all of you EXCEPT the fighter put nearly all your skill points into kung fu?

Group: That's pretty much it.

GM: And the fighter put most of his skill points into science and social skills. In fact, the only weapon skill I see is "Boomerang".

Fighter: Hey, he's a dashing guy. And don't knock Boomerang.

GM: What the fuck is wrong with you guys?

>>16643598

Oh god I'd love to see how a group would play that one up.

>>16642118
YES

DM: Ok, guys, as this is my first time running a D&D game, I'll admit the story is a bit generic.
P1: That's cool bro, we have ideas.
P2: Yeah, we'll cope.
DM: Well, it's just a basic save the Princess plot. She's been kidnapped by a giant dragon/turtle/lizard thing, and you guys have to save her.
P1: Ok, we can do that. But we want to try something of a challenge mode.
P2: We came up with some personal restrictions.
DM: Like what?
P1+P2: *hand over sheets*
DM: Commoners? And brothers? Interesting. I think this might make things a little hard.
P1: Nah, we knew it would make it hard, so we had to work out our skills really carefully.
P2: Swim, jump, use magic device, that kind of thing.
DM: Wow, those are pretty high. How did you get all those skills anyway?
P1: Took a few flaws.
P2: I've got a huge inferiority complex, and he's overweight.
DM: I see... wait, what's this?
P1: What?
DM: You actually put points in Profession?
P2: Hey, you got to pay the bills somehow.
DM: So what are their jobs?
P2: Same job, actually, they're in business together.
P1: Plumbers.

>>16643982
magic device?

>>16643598
>>16643598
>>16643598
I don't get it.

>>16643982
whats this one

>>16644072
Super Mario Bros.

The original

>>16642985
Come on, do the rest.
Not sure how to explain bro, really.

>>16644086
but what's the magic device referring to?

>people not getting Super Mario Bros

>>16644104
Power up items I would guess.

First time doing this, so apologies if it sucks.

GM: Alright guys, let's try something new here. Supernatural game, modern day. Everyone has a spirit that basically handles their magic, and you're all in high school. Now, what do you guys have?
Vic: Well, my guy doesn't really care about school; way more interested in fighting. Also a huge clown.
GM: Another comic relief guy, Vic? Whatever, it works...Michelle?
Michelle: Popular girl, really outgoing. Though, her father died like ten years back, under mysterious circumstances.
GM: Nice, I can roll with that. Liam?
Liam: School boxing champ, kills with the ladies....
GM: Then why does your sheet have the flaw 'can't talk to women'?
Liam: Yeah, he can only talk to girls in school. Anywhere else, has no idea what to say to them. All he can talk about is training.
GM: Oh, that'll be fun later on. Tara...why are your intelligence and charisma skills maxed out? And what's with all this wealth?
Tara: I'm the daughter of a huge corporation's CEO; beautiful, excellent fencer, top of her class!
GM: That's...great. How are you balancing that out?
Tara: She's spent her whole life pampered, so she has no idea how normal people live. Also, that spirit thing? Yeah, hers was unlocked unnaturally.
GM: Could be a lot worse. Okay! So, one night at around midnight....

>>16644056
Avatar Last airbender

>>16644197
>>16642118
Goddamnit, now I wanna play Persona.

DM: Look, I did tell you guys this was going to be a mecha game, right?
Fred: Yeah, you did.
DM: ...I can't help but notice that neither of your characters have, you know, ANY MECHAS AT ALL. And no proficiencies or anything to do with them. In fact, have you been using the Magic rules?
Nancy: Oh, just go with it for now. We just rolled the mecha powerlevels into the characters themselves, anyway. Last time you ran a mecha game we spent more time doing maintenance than fighting monsters.
DM: Sigh, whatever, we don't have time to redo these anyway. Where is Harry?
Fred: He's getting that treatment for his leg, should be back in a few weeks. He finished up his character sheet, though.
DM: Yeah, okaaaaay... Alright, I can't be bothered working out if all these perks and drawbacks and all those ranks of Leadership are cheesy or not, so I'll just okay it provisionally. So, what, is it just you two for now?
Nancy: Yeah, I thought we could do a backstory-type thing for the first few sessions until Harry's back on his feet, as it were.

DM: Sup Tom, Will. You know where the other guys are?
Tom: Don't think they're coming today, just us two.
Will: Fine with me though.
DM: Guess it's two players then. What'chall playing?
Will and Tom: Deathwatch Kill-Marine.
DM: You got backstory?
Tom: I want to play an older guy, been with the Watch for a few decades.
Will: I was thinking a new recruit with fresh ideas.
Tom: What about I was on a solo assignment, and on the same planet, you and the rest of your scout squad were reinforcing the Arbites?
Will: And then you saw me do something really cool and asked me to come straight to the Deathwatch?
Tom: Yeah, after my partner left and had to be mind-wiped, I needed a new one and thought you could do it.
Will: Okay, so, reinforcing the Arbites, scout marine, never actually seen an alien before... finds a shapeshifting alien on his own and kills him?
DM: Nearly kills him, that'll work with the plot. Awesome.
Tom: Right, then I overhear about it on the vox and have to come check on the situation. The world's kept pretty ignorant, so lots of people have to be mind-wiped, but I find you there and offer to bring you into the Deathwatch.
DM: You two done with your snowflake story? Bugs aren't gonna shoot themselves.

DM: God damnit, guys. You do this every fucking game.
DM: "Let's play in wartorn ancient China", I said. "You can each be a famous general", I said. And yet every one of your character sheets seems to be a little girl. Screw this, I quit.
Player: I never liked that guy anyway. Listen, I've got this really cool idea for a WWII AU setting...

>>16641210
And one other person caught this? You guys are slipping.

Gonna try my hand at one
DM: Ok guys, we are gonna be doing a fusion of Hunter and V:tM, lemme see those character sheets. Al... I'm not even gonna ask how you started as powerful as a frickin Antediluvian..but NO.
Al:Look, it's okay, I'm a bound Antediluvian, Iris' character is my master.
DM:...Fine...Sarah let me see your character. Wait, your just a regular police girl, you won't stand a chance against ANYTHING I will send at you. We need to find a way to power you up.
Sarah: I dunno I kinda want to be normal.
Al: Heh, I can think of a way...is she a virgin?
DM: That's just creepy Al. Okay Iris, your the leader of an organization that fights the supernatural, some decent combat skills... but predominantly the leader. Wait, why is your title Sir, Shouldn't it be Lady?
Iris: No, she's the leader of a Knightly Order basically.
Al: Is she a virgin too?
DM: Al, your being creepy again. So Wally, your character is a retired Vampire Hunter who is now Iris' characters butler... what? And you fight with a microfilament wires that can cut through just about anything. And you fought Nazi Vampires when you were 14.
Wally: Yea, with Al's character actually, though he was a she at the time for some reason.
Al: I thought it would be funny.
DM: So Alex your character is a Catholic priest that fights vampires with... bayonet swords? How do you even CARRY that many? And you can use pages from the Catholic bible like they were sealing scrolls. You hate protestants and vampires...wait your just gonna try to kill everyone else aren't you?
Alex: AMEN

DM: Alright guys, we're gonna be doing a modern day campaign were you're all fighting against an evil organization that wants to spread Mayhem And Destruction. Let's see those sheets!
Don: I'm gonna be a cop, he's a little clumsy, but he also has the trait Dumb Luck so he can get into hairy situations, but always seems to find a way out.
DM: Okay, might be a little weak, I'll figure out how to power you up.
Cree: My character's a mechanical genius who tricked out a touch pad to make it better than a desktop. I've also made up some small communicators, one's on my watch and the other's on my animal companion.
DM: Whoa, whoah, how are you balancing that all out?
Cree: I'm young and Don's gonna be my uncle, so I'm bound to him in a sense.
DM: Okay, you guys do need to be strong, so I'm allowing it. But your animal companion's a sentient dog what has limited speech?
Brian: Yeah, I'm gonna be taking that as my character. He's also really, really good at disguises.
DM: Okay, I'll make this work. Let's start it out, Inspector.

>Okay guys, remember: I'm out of ideas, so this is the LAST, I lost count, successor campaign in the transhumanism setting, do your best. This time it is apocalypse by WORM HOLE, occasioned by the 1st campaign's apocalypse virus, plotted by the 2nd campaign's apocal... well, you remember. You're crash landing at the bio-crystal consciousness spire thing.

Mike: Fuck you, you only want us to lose because of what we did last horror game.
Jack: Hey, at least your character's young. One hit and I'm senile war-veteran geography.
Art: Don't fucking fail, guys, I know I'm not supposed to know you, but I'm against a literal avatar here and all I have is water balloons and badass.
Mike: We're actually here for the thing most like a mother I've ever had. Jane was amazing with that character, you didn't have to torture her like that.
>She was broken as fuck. It was the only way to keep this campaign going.
Jack: I can see that point.
Art: Guys, just do it already.
Mike: Alright, let's save Sophia!
Jack: Yeah, let's save your geriatric loli cyborg hacker mother. And the world.

>>16641472

Yesssssssss.

GM: Alright. Show us your cards, gents. And remember, I want goddamn knights this time. It's the Crusades. I'll accept low fantasy, but you've got to have a credible background.
Tom: Eh... Actually, I rolled a wizard...
GM: What?! Oh for the love of...
Tom: I didn't know, okay! Mike didn't tell me!
GM: Fine, fine... Hold on to him. I'll think of something. Throw him in later, I suppose. You can play some NPC until later. A Bard or something.
Tom: You know I hate Bards.
GM: Them's the breaks. You're good at coming up with songs and shit though. Figure it out. Next?
Michael: Yeah, you already know mine. Fighter-Cleric. I did as you asked and swapped out a lot of his spells for benefits.
GM: Alright. Not much fight in him, but some defense... High Wis... Wait, weren't you going for a "scholar" kind of guy?
Michael: Yeah.
GM: He has twelve Int and practically no knowledge skills. Wait, what's... This flaw; "Selective Worldview". And then maxed out Cha and Persuasion. What the fuck?
Michael: Yeah, I kinda got bored, so I tweaked him. He's not actually that smart, he just convinces people and circumstances that he's right.

>>16645285
GM: ...aaaaallllllright. Oookay. I guess it'll work with a medieval setting. Let’s see, Lance… For fuck’s sake.
Lance: What?
GM: A Barbarian? You know perfectly well that’s not going to fit.
Lance: No, no! He’s a Paladin. You told us to tweak the classes. The Barbarian’s just there for the Rage and stuff.
GM: Really.
Lance: Yeah, it’s like… He fights like a Pally. All righteous ’n shit. It’s just that he does it in his own… eh… well…
GM: Way? Manner?
Lance: Yeah.
GM: Fine. I’ll allow it. Next we have…
Robbie: I’m a Rogue!
GM: You are –not- a Rogue. Mike, bloody Hell. Haven’t you told anyone? And Robbie, what’s up with these Feats? Also, they wouldn’t let a Rogue be knighted in the first place.
Robbie: Hey! You said –hedge knights-! I’m not immoral, just a combat pragmatist.
GM: Fine. But I’m giving you the Cowardice Flaw to start with if you’re going to make your character such a bitch. You can start off with an entourage and some more equipment.

>>16645299
Robbie: Thanks, you fucking heap.
GM: Don’t mention it, faggot. Alright, Julienne, you’re up.
Julienne: Fighter. Paladin. Threw in some levels of Rogue, but that’s for the skill points and stuff.
GM: Fine. I’ll let it slide. Actually, his backstory doesn’t… This stuff’s pretty good.
Julienne: Yeah, Well, I’ve yet to try a moralfag character, so I thought I’d give it a shot.
GM: It’s a pretty grimdark setting. Don’t go overboard with it and I won’t have to test you.
Julienne: Got it.
GM: And that leaves Rick. Who’s th-… NO.
Richard: What?
GM: You can NOT be the fucking KING. Period!
Richard: You said the Crusades! Knights! Holy quests!
GM: I said fucking mercenaries and hedge knights!
Richard: Seriously, why would they go on some holy quest? Don’t you need someone to hire them then?
GM: Then I would provide you with that myself! Do you know how much starting resources you would get from being the flaming king?!
Richard: Come on, man…
GM: No! End of story! And you do –not- start with -/10 armor and a +2 Holy Avenger sword or any of…
Michael: Dude, calm down. Why are you so anal about this?
Robbie: Yeah. C’mon man. Rick’s a good RPer. You know that.
GM: Why am I anal? Because none of this bullshit fits with the story I thought we had agreed on! And I think you realize how OP it is starting as the bloody king!
Michael: Okay, but can’t we compromise?
Julienne: Hey, I’m okay with it.
GM: You know what? –Fine-. We’re doing it live. Fuck it. You can be returning from a long expedition and looking for volunteers or something. As long as you take off that equipment. Also, I’m going to split you up. Lance, you can catch up with Julie, and Tom, you’re with Robbie.
Richard: I am not giving up my sword. It’s part of my character plot.
GM: -Fine-! Then you won’t be able to afford a horse!
Richard: Screw the horse. I’ll make do with something else...

>>16642328
When you walk away, you don't hear me say~

>>16642756
Chrono Trigger!

>>16644356
Dunno the first, but the second one is Strike Witches.

>>16645299
>>16645318
>>16645285
...Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

>>16645318
Later...

Richard: Hit! Natty twenty! Woo!
GM: Alright, you slash his arm f-...
Richard: I step back and tell him "Now, stand aside, worthy adversary!"
GM: He refuses. He takes a swing at...
Richard: What?! That was a Power Attack crit, man! I cut his arm off!
GM: No you didn't.
Richard: You liar!
GM: Fine, it's off, but he keeps fighting through the pain and rage. He declares "'Tis but a scratch!".
Richard: A scratch?! His bloody arm's off!
GM: He shrieks "Come on you pansy!"

*rolls later*
Richard: There! I cut his -other- arm off! Now he can't attack me! Victory is mine! I fall to my knees and start praying in gratitude.
GM: He kicks you in the head.
Richard: What?!
GM: He yells "Come on then!"

>>16645394
>...Monty Python and the Holy Grail?
>>16645467

Nailed it.

>>16645467

I lost it completely here.

>>16642688
Yep.

>>16642688
DM: So let me get this straight; you've rolled up some kind of down and out military officer and put your points into Nick's character who's a goddamn sentient tank.
Steve: Yep.
Nick: Bout right?
DM: Whatever, let's just get this trainwreck rolling.

END OF CAMPAIGN
Collectively: MANLY TEARS FOREVER.

I'll give it a go....no promises.

GM: Okay, let's see....wow Jim, your character is super-quick.
Jim: Deceased family flaw. If it makes you feel better, I won't be hitting hard, just very fast.
GM: I can accept that I suppose. I see you're a pilot, too?
Jim: Best on the team.
GM: Wait, you're all pilots? Whatever. Will, very balanced stats, that should be interesting. Who's the rival you mentioned?
Will: That'd be Jim's character.
GM: Oh joy, this should be good. Terry.......why is your character a mechanic but also dumb as shit?
Terry: Comic relief I guess?
GM: More like extremely annoying, and your flying will be horrible. Whatever, it's your character, Harry?
Harry: I'm like the old wisdom-giving guy of the party.
GM: Okay, a nice offset for Terry's stupidity.
Terry: Hey!
Harry: He's right though.
GM: You're pretty weak in everything else though, how did you fluff that out?
Harry: He's pretty old, but he worked with a legendary pilot, who happened to be Jim's character's father...

>>16646789
Motherfuckin' StarFox. Shit yeah.

DM: Okay, I've just finished looking over your character sheets for that BESM magical girl game next week. Matt, you're doing that fire-user, right? With the dragon thing.
Matt: Yeah, I figure she can be the party face. I sunk a bunch of points in social skills.
DM: Yeah, I noticed. Cooking, too.
Matt: She likes cooking.
DM: Okay, whatever. Right, Mike, I already know that your character is fine. Remember the stuff we went over together for later.
Mike: Got it.
Matt/ Nathan: Wait, what did you-
DM: *wink* Moving right along. Nathan, you're a... gun user? Do magical girls really use guns?
Nathan: They're magic guns.
DM: ...Right. You put a lot of points into hacking and infiltration, as well - you do realize this is supposed to just be a normal magical girl game, right?
Nathan: Yup, except every time you say something like that you end up pulling some kind of bullshit twist halfway through. I want to find out what's going on beforehand.
DM:...
DM:In any case, do you have Susan's sheet? I know she can't come for a few week's yet, but I'd like to play the character as an NPC until then, so the introduction makes sense.
Matt: Ugh, Nathan's girlfriend is coming again? Those two are always super-creepy together.
Nathan: Well, we're both playing girls this time. What's the worst she can do?

>>16647398
Panty and Stocking?

>>16647539

Nnnnnope.

As a clue, the player names kind of match the characters.