Oh, and here's a snippet my nephew wrote for his character:

"Colonel Harland Sanders looked over the horizon as the sun rose. He stood on top of the cliff, clutching his cane tight as he leaned on it.
The sun was always pretty, but today was really pretty. It was as if the sun itself knew his aims and blessed them with a warm smile and light to guide him on.

He nodded as he surveyed the empire that lay beneath the cliff. His soldiers, his people, his empire was preparing for a mighty attack, and he was going to lead them on in battle against Jack In The Box and their blasters.
Already, he could see them. The sun rising was blotted by the gigantic army that rose over the end of the road, starting to charge over at them. They were ready to fight! They were ready to battle!

Sanders looked down, and he could see his people quaking in fear. How could they stand against such a mighty force?
But Sanders wasn't afraid at all. He was confident and brave, and strong. He knew that if he stood his ground and didn't look scared, his people would fight onwards and win the day. Jack would never know what hit him.
He gave a jump off of the cliff and soared through the air, pointing his cane ahead as he yelled really loud.

'Go, my people!' He yelled. 'Do not huddle behind scared like wussy-boys-and-girls! Are you chicken, or are you CHICKEN-MEN? We are going to KICK THEIR BUTTS!'
Still falling, he grabbed a Mustard Bolter that he had strapped to his leg and started shooting ahead at the horizon. None of them would hit, but none of them needed. He knew Jack would become angry from the shots, defying against their approach.
And his people needed to know that there was a hero who would fight to the end."

I like to think that he landed, promptly discovered why jumping off a cliff isn't a good idea, and had to be hospitalized afterwards. But that would be mean.

>>16937581
>Are you chicken, or are you CHICKEN-MEN? We are going to KICK THEIR BUTTS!

your nephew is either a genius or a literary troll, and i'm not sure which.
anyway, sounds like it'd be pretty interesting, but who's going to play what?

Please provide storytime when that is all over.

Fuck me, that is a delicious looking burger.

Also, yes please, post storytime after the game. When is it happening?

Is the DDoS done, now?

>>16937741
Seems so.

>>16937599
Well, uh.

So far, we have Colonel Sanders as a Tactical Marine, played by my nephew. "He was a Colonel, right? He should be good with strategy-ing!" So far, it seems the only strategy he has in mind is "slaughter fucking everything", which, as far as strategies go, is pretty good as long as it works. Always eager to leap head-first into combat and will charge straight through the wall if he has to.
Ronald McDonald is played by my nephew's friend and is the Librarian. I initially had terrifying thoughts about A: a clown, B: a psyker, and C: a clown psyker, but he seems to be playing pretty well. He's playing more like the Dark Knight's Joker. At least, so he says, I haven't watched the Dark Knight, but either way Ronald snarks a lot and doesn't say much.
My niece is playing as the fucking Panda Express Panda and is the fucking Apothecary, which boggles my mind. She doesn't talk a lot, she mostly makes growling and roaring sounds, the other kids pretend they understand her, and it is the cutest goddamn thing. There's also the issue of a GODDAMN PANDA IS BEING THE GODDAMN FIELD MEDIC.
Oh, and my other niece is playing the King as the Assault. She's actually just kind of bland, playing the "straight man" to everyone's shenanigans, or rather as much of a straight man as a 12-year-old girl can be. Sanders is a bloodthirsty lunatic, Ronald snarks and makes people feel bad, the Panda is a goddamn panda, and the King just, well, acts as the foil to everyone.

Why isn't this OP's picture ?
And why hasn't it been posted on the second post either ?

>>16938044
this sounds fucking excellent

>>16938044

>>16938044
>that feel when a group of pre-pubescent children half our age make more coherent groups than grown men and women

>>16938044
>>16937581
>>16937574
Post after-action results, man.
Your nephew, niece and friends sound like they're about to be awesome (or cute).

Anyway, I'm curious in regards to the setting; could you expand on what's been written here? Like, what's the Chaos equivalent? Or there's nothing resembling 40k?

Adorable time one million.

God speed, OP.

>>16938126
>Anyway, I'm curious in regards to the setting; could you expand on what's been written here? Like, what's the Chaos equivalent? Or there's nothing resembling 40k?

I'll be honest that I haven't written much aside from that there's different fast food franchises as the worlds and all of them want to shoot each other. It's not the most complex world, I'll admit, but I've actually been wondering what to do with the other 40k factions.
Since the Chaos Space Marines are the space marines But Different, I was thinking of making them all vegetarians, but at this point, I'm all ears for anything.

>>16937633
Well, we had our first mission tonight. It wasn't anything special, just an introduction to the game system and the basics of roleplaying. The difference between IC and OOC, stuff that's cool to do and not cool, respecting other players, don't be That Guy, and etc.
The kids are still getting the hang of the difference between IC knowledge and OOC knowledge, but for the most part they're behaving. Considering all the horror stories of kids at the RP table, I'm glad I got a reasonable batch.
Storytime coming soon once I write it up.

Chaos is PETA.

Job done.

This thread intrigues me. I demand more.

>>16938265
>Vegetarians as Chaos
I love you.

>>16938265
Anyway. Once we finally got to roleplay, the scenario was simple. Ronald, Panda, King, and Sanders were holed up in the middle of a mountain, preparing their latest assault on a Papa John's fortress so they could take his cheese for themselves, bolstering up their food with extra gooeyness. The Panda didn't actually need the cheese, but nobody really cared.
Shortly after introducing their characters to each other, a messenger stumbled in, saying that their position was compromised and a pepperoni force had infiltrated the base.

Sanders would not have it. He promptly stood up and grabbed his Mustard Bolter. "Friends, it seems we have people that want to interrupt us. I do not like my friends being interrupted! I say we go out there and shoot them!"
King raised his (her) hand. "But shouldn't we try and talk with them? What if they just want to make a team, like we did?"
Ronald said "Infiltration makes for funny teams."
Sanders promptly kicked open the door and stormed outside into the hallway. "Papa John's people do not want to say hello. They are a rude and nasty lot. They only want to get shot! And I will give them what they want, because I am a Colonel and I like to give!"

>>16938529
I expected a little more planning, so I said that there was already a large army in the hallway that was charging them with their weapons raised. The hallways were pretty big and tall (note that this fact bites me in the ass later), so it was a decent-sized force.
Sanders thought for a moment (Ronald made a typical "don't hurt yourself" quip), then promptly gathered up some of the munitions that were around the room. Logically, there wasn't really any time to grab them, but I let them scrounge. There were some rockets, some keys to vehicles outside, lots of grenades, a few Bolters of different flavors, and a couple food guards that were sitting in protecting them...nothing much. Just some random stuff.

So what do they do?
They take Sander's food guards, large chickens, and strap the goddamn rockets on to them, and have them carry the grenades. They then send their kamikaze chicken-grenade-rocket-squad out into the hallway, and Sanders covers the doorway with two bolters and the rest of the food guards, ordering the others to check out the nearby rooms for more supplies. Then screams "Get on out here you stupid people so I can shoot you a lot!"

>>16938537
The next room, I rolled to see what it was, and it was the hangar. Basilisks, Centaurs, Chimeras, even a Ragnarok. All of them were broken down and being repaired, though--I didn't want to give the kids such powerful stuff right out of the gate, and I figured that since they didn't have a Tech that they wouldn't try to fix it and drive.
I forgot that I was dealing with kids that did not have their driver's license. Driving them was not the first thing on their mind.
Sanders eventually caught up to them, having run out of ammo (and then threw his guns at them), though he made a serious dent in the approaching force. He asks me to describe the vehicles, then gets the biggest grin.

He suggests throwing the goddamn Centaur down the hall like a missile.
King points out that A: We did not have the physical strength to pick up the Centaur, and B: They could be repaired later and it wouldn't be fixable if we destroyed it so. Ronald says that fixing it will be hard if they're dead, and Sanders says that if we can't throw it then they could at least push it.
"It hurts when people get run over, right?"
Well, uh, kinda, yeah.
"If we push it like it's driving, we can fool them into running away, because nobody wants to get run over."
Ronald pipes in again. "Can we push fast enough to make it like it's driving?"
King doubts. So Sanders tells Panda to get up on the hood and "act really scary" while they push.

>>16938550

Well, I had already painted myself into a corner by saying that the halls and doors were big, so since saying the vehicles were to the floor would have been a cop-out, they all combine their rolls, succeed, and I let them go ahead with it. Panda promptly started roaring and snarling at the enemy forces while the other three (plus the remaining food guards) pushed the back of it, sending the entire thing through the hall like a giant goddamn vehicular battering ram, going until it crashed through the door on the other end.
How did Panda get out? Well, she was a bear. So once there were no more enemies to roar at (and the door was in sight), she ripped through the Centaur's front, hacked through the engine, and came out the other end. It perhaps was not the most system-legal thing to do, but at that point I was laughing too hard to care.
There weren't very many remaining pepperoni forces after that, and Sanders rounded them all up.
Now we have a gigantic batch of prisoners, a completely destroyed Centaur, no ammo or guns for Sanders (though now he's considering picking up the bound/captive pepperoni men and using them as cudgels), and a blown sneak attack by Papa John.

We're going to pick up again this weekend, and Sanders wants our engineers to construct a catapult "big and strong enough" for the Ragnarok. I said no.
So now Sanders wants catapults for Panda's food soldiers, which are more pandas. Specifically, he wants to catapult Chinese pandas through Papa John's windows and create a diversion while they infiltrate through the front door and shoot everyone.

I'm not sure how to respond to this.

>"Papa John's people do not want to say hello. They are a rude and nasty lot. They only want to get shot! And I will give them what they want, because I am a Colonel and I like to give!"

This is the greatest thing. Bravo, OP.

>>16938537
> "Papa John's people do not want to say hello. They are a rude and nasty lot. They only want to get shot! And I will give them what they want, because I am a Colonel and I like to give!"
>"Get on out here you stupid people so I can shoot you a lot!"
>"It hurts when people get run over, right?"
Oh, colonel, you so crazy.

>>16938561
On the plus side, everyone's really into it. They really like being different characters, and they're eager to roll the dice for anything and everything--even right after they get bad results.
I'm a little worried I'm giving them too much leeway in what they can do, but so far nobody's been asking for impossible things, so.

So, that was my day, /tg/.
I GM'd a Deathwatch game about fast food for four 10-to-12-year-olds, and got to watch chicken kamikazes and a panda-accented tank battering ram in action.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have a burger.

>>16938561
Please take video. This sounds like the most adorable thing ever.

Actually, don't. I forgot.
We're the internet.

this is the face of a goddamn lunatic.

In other news, Colonel Sanders is now my favorite fast food icon.

>panda as a medic
>panda as a fucking medic
>panda on a centaur, roaring at enemies
>communicates only in roars and growls

How old is your niece? I want to know how long until she's legal.

God bless you for keeping this alive through the DDOS attack.

>>16938561
You need to have the catapulted pandas get thwarted or it will become the go-to tactic. I cannot even conceive of a way to do so, however.

Maybe with extra-large deep fryers? Where the hell would Papa John's get a deep fryer? How about those Sub Toaster thingies? What Sub chain has a known mascot? Team him up with the Papa.

Additionally, beware the Colonel. He has reinforcements in the form of Pizza Hut, Taco Bell and Long John Silver!

I really have no idea where I am going with this post. I recently started running a CoC game that I'm having a lot of fun with, where all my players are total bros, but your game makes mine look bad.

Promise us you will post after the next session, OP.

>>16938733
>KFC teamed up with other chains IRL

That's a good question to consider. How do you handle franchises that were subsumed or bought out other companies, OP?
Colonel Sanders may end up being a multi-military mastermind.

Also, someone archive this, it needs to survive the DDOS-ing.

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16937574

>>16938790
Don't think it's a wise idea to give some players advantages based upon just how strong they are IRL.

Otherwise Ronald would be the ultimate terrain master.

Some of Colonel Sanders' lost recipes were found recently.

Maybe they could be a secret weapon.

>>16938927
Turns out the 11 Spices and Herbs weren't quite for food...

>fry_take_all_of_my_money.jpg

my god, this is glorious, please for the love of something keep us updated as the quest progresses,
and LONG LIE THE COLONEL! HE LIKES TO GIVE!

Kids make shitty roleplayers.

Film at 11.

>>16939292
You must be reading a different thread than the rest of us.

>>16938941
The 11 Spices and Herbs can be used to make zombies, but only if the corpse it's sprinkled on hasn't been deep fried.

>mfw this whole thread/storytime
Makes me wish my players had imagination left in them. God bless ya', OP.

This is a good thing you have going, OP.

>>16938083
I get who all those are except:
-troy the trojan and katie
-baby face bob

>>16939696
what the fuck is a noid?

>>16939947
The Noid was Pizza Hut's mascot for a while. Creepy dude.

>>16940875
If by pizza hut you mean Dominos.

This is hilarious, OP.

This is my favorite.

Pic related
I love you, OP.

This thread is the best thread.

All this praise and all OP did was just post a story.
Are you going to post any more, OP, or are we just going to spend the rest of the topic going ooh and aah?

You play a dangerous game, mortal, risking the minds of the innocent when it has long been known Dominoes sold itself to the Ruinous Powers.

>>16941283
Well, I did say the next session was this weekend.
Though, uh. I do have another story to say now.

So, the Panda-niece has been talking about how she discovered this new hobby called role-playing.
Apparently several of her less-savory classmates overheard her.
When I picked her up, she was filthy, bruised, matted, and crying. She had been bullied by a batch of punks who were making fun of her and picked on her for playing "fake pretend" and "Devils and Dorks".

I'd heard tales of parents that do irrational things when seeing their kits hurt. Hell, I was just her uncle, I wasn't even her parent. But right there I wanted to hunt down those motherfuckers and curb stomp them.
Instead, I took her home and started patching her up. My sister (her mother, obviously) is on the phone with the principal now, ask what the fuck is up with the teachers not noticing the bruises and crying kid on their front goddamn step.

After tending to her scrapes and cuts, though, I asked if she wanted to continue. The last thing I wanted was to give people a reason to pick on her.
She didn't even hesitate before shaking her head. "Just 'cause someone don't [sic] like it, I don't care. I want to have fun. I don't have to do what they say, do I?"

She's already had her first encounter with Stop Liking What I Don't Like, and doesn't care. I have never been more proud, /tg/.
Well, I'm not proud of the bruises and cuts, mind. But haters gonna hate, I guess.

>>16942960
You need to teach her how to break teeth.

You only need to fuck up one of 'em and that'll be that.

>>16942960
There's something in my eye

Your niece is well on her way to being a Badass.

>>16942960

I think most of us here in /tg/ would support you if you went out and curb stomped those little shits. They fucking deserve it.

>>16942960
Put on a lucha mask to protect your identity, then go deliver unto those vile rapscallions the BLAZING FISTS of JUSTICE.

>>16942960
>your niece
>mfw

>>16943034
LOS TIBURON! THE SHARK OF THE LAND! HE RIDES AGAIN TO INFLICT JUSTICE!!!

OK, listen up OP, because this is a VITAL LIFE SKILL I am about to talk about.

The time has come for you to teach your niece how to kick some ass. To start with, you need her to learn how to throw a punch. Do you know how to do that?

Next up, teach her when she should stop fighting once she has gotten in a fight. To do that, show her the old Conan movies. The ones with Schwarzenegger in them. When he gets to the "What is best in life?" bit, that is when you stop.

Then, she needs to learn how to get out of trouble. There are two ways to learn this: from you, or by getting INTO trouble, and lots of it. Good Luck.

I am going to say that if any other /tg/ers knew who these kids were, they would get their livers handed to them.

Just saying.

OP, you are amazing, and you should feel amazing.

/tg/: we would kill children to protect a vague aquaintence's niece from being bullied

>>16943775
> iamokaywiththis.jpg


OP, I salute you.

I'm a proud uncle myself, though my brother's oldest is only five right now. Not quite old enough to be introduced to an extremely watered down system I've been setting up just for her and her brothers. But she loves to play make believe, and I've taken to introducing certain basics into our play. She absolutely loves it, and has a lot of fun. I thought the hardest part would be introducing the possibility of failure. Things like missing, getting hurt (pretend hurt, of course), or failing at certain tasks. When I think of childish make believe, I think about kids being more super than Superman, and arguing about how no, you got hurt and not me because I deflected it. Not with my niece, she takes to both success and failure with gusto. God, I can't wait to introduce her to some dice mechanics.

God, I was worried, I'll admit, that I wouldn't be able to pull off a good uncle. That I'd be like my own uncle, that is distant and forgettable to the point that I have to remind myself that he is even family. But I think I'm doing okay. She can't simply say 'Uncle Josh.' It's always " 'cle J'sh, 'cle J'sh, 'cle J'sh!" rapid-fire enthusiasm, or a long, drawn out "Uncle Jooooooosh!"

This thread must continue to live!

This girl. Dress her as a Space Marine next Halloween. She will become /tg/'s new mascot.

Bah, OP, you make me look like a fool and I'm Polish, so that's saying something. Somehow, I've managed to instill interest in traditional games, or at least have played a small part in instilling such interest, in several of my cousins despite never really getting past chargen or the rare first session.

Maybe it's the profusion of "let's try this now" resets or the unbriddled enthusiasm I've rediscovered from my childhood, but whatever it is they seem to be more socially healthy than me while retaining a bit of respect for the unwashed masses of gamers. Or maybe they're just being nice to their weird older cousin... I don't really know, but you definitely put me to shame.

>>16947271
Are you insane? You've seen what's been done with all the other /tg/ mascots, right? RL children are not legally allowed to go through that!

>>16947251
ahaha that is an excellent image

>>16947374
Who was the last mascot anyways?
I remember Cultist-Chan, but she's older than the last.

>>16945713
>>16943775
>>16943076
>>16943049
>>16943044
>>16943034
>>16943018
>>16943014
>>16942998

Wow.
I did not expect this kind of response. Thank you all.
She's doing fine now, and I definitely will teach her how to throw a punch by the end of the day.

Back to a previous subject, one thing I've been considering as per an anon's suggestion is expanding the world--giving each of the different races appropriate fluff, instead of just the Imperium of Food.
If the Chaos Marines are vegetarians, what would, say, the Tau be? Or the Eldar? Or the other multitude of races?

One thing I was thinking about Orks, since they're effectively beastly enough dudes, was replacing them with intelligent food-based monsters--half beast and half nommable delight.
Succubus and sake becomes Sakebus, vampire and jelly become Jampire (inb4 Prequel), cheese and Cthulhu become Rind Flayer, etc, etc. I think this would fit the general incohesiveness of the Orks while still giving them plenty of personality.
Any other suggestions you guys could come up with?

>>16945713

>>16947405
>Rind Flayer
Oh my sides!
Say, are you going to include the Slaugth? They're 40k Illithids, and are apparently as advanced as necrons, at least.

>>16947405
I can work with this, I think.
Have the other 40k races be different countries.
The Imperium of Food encompasses the American Fast Food industry, so have the other races be other countries.

Oh my god I love you Burger Master

>>16947472
I like your thought

HAY OP.
Take on the Name of Burger Master, please!
It's like Chapter Master, but tastier!
also read this thread:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/16664213/
>pic related

>>16947405
The Eldar must be some form of hipsters.

Think of the most pretentious "fast food" place in your area. For us, it's Chop'd, but I'm not sure if that's a national chain.

That's what the Eldar represent.

>>16947544
Yeah I'm not sure you know what a hipster is, Eldar are snobs if anything, they would go to whatever burger place is the most expensive/takes the longest to make the burger.

>>16947556
So the Eldar represent France?
What about the Dark Eldar?

>>16947556
Not really. They'd go to the place that is the most pointlessly expensive and most pretentious. Sure, you spent about $10 on just a salad, but you feel like this lets you be an asshole about it to everyone who went out and got the $5 burger meal

What role would celebrity chefs play in this game universe?

>>16947574
Again I have to disagree, they would go to places that are run and staffed only by eldar, for who couldmake a better burger than an eldar beefsinger? For the eldar everything is an art form, even food preparation, especially food preparation.

>>16947597
Again, the Eldar represent French Restaurants and chefs.

YOU, OP

This is awesome and you should feel awesome.

THAT IS ALL

>>16947584
The same they do in ours, they challenge people to cooking duels in an iron chef like cooking stadium, with each faction having a representative.

>>16947614
...I have a vision, in which Khaine the War Chef is summoned by Eldar chef-masters, donned in an apron, a large hat and armed with spatula and pan.

What about gork/mork?

>>16947622
They have torn, stained aprons that read KISS DA COOK and ME OTHER GRILL'S A BURNA.

>>16947622
>Slaanesh, god of flavorings/spices
>Khorne, god of meat/fresh food
>Nurgle, god of veggies/tofu
>Tzeench, god of
what?

>>16947638
Protein Shakes. Or energy drinks.
Tau should be Asian food.
Necrons... middle eastern/greek food? Kebabs, gyros, stuff like that.

>>16947663
And the Nids are Mexican/South american food.
Have you seen their traditional dishes?

>>16947685
Nids sell ice cream. They have all the flavors. Like tiger, green mouse and telephone.

>>16947706

THE HIVE MIND SHALL ASSIMILATE THAT FLAVOR

>cue hormagaunts chasing a mangy dog for his sweat

Get out of here, Delirium!

>>16947638
>Slaanesh, god of flavorings/spices
>Khorne, god of meat/fresh food
>Nurgle, god of veggies/tofu
>Tzeench, god of
>what?

Cake. Delicious cake.

>>16947790
pic related? If so then awesome

>>16947405
Susholeth. Aboleth sushi. They wear traditional japanese garb (hakimachi & shit), wield ginsu knives, and speak in terribre Japoneez accent. You know you want to.

OP, thank you for being a good uncle. It pleases me greatly to see /tg/ creating a new generation of fa/tg/uys and ca/tg/irls.

Your niece is a goddamn boss. To react like that and takes more guts and mental fortitude than I ever had as a grade-schooler. Your niece is gonna grow up to be the one-handed maiden, guaranteed (look up Exalted - Scripture of the One-Handed Maiden. Badass).

Godspeed OP!

>>16947584

make them Daemon Princes.

Gordon Ramsay, Herald of Khorne! Hear him mistreat his line-workers and mock the PCs for their paltry choice of ingredients!


Pic vaguely related

>>16947863
i think it may have been more portal but y'know

This is an excellent thread.
OP, we're counting on you to return with glorious storytime after the next session!
And wear a name this time!

>>16950268
A name? Well, uh, okay, I guess.

>>16947470
That would probably be the quickest and easiest way to handle it, though technically there's a lot of fast food imitating other ethnicities. I suppose the Imperium of Food is a sort of jack-of-all-trades for everything--that's why they have the mascots and everyone else has fuck-all.

>>so many other messages
So, taking suggestions into account, here's the basic idea of factions. Open for suggestions for either alternate faction representations or finetuning what a faction represents.
Imperium: Fast food industry, SPESS MUHREENS are Mascots, Emprah is...fuck if I know. Personification of customers?
Chaos: Vegetarians
Orks: Half-Food-Half-Humanoids-All-Fucking-Psycho-Hybrids
'Nids: Celebrity chefs that have to use all of the flavors in the universe.
Eldar: Prissy bitchtits that demand everything be from the best ingredients and costs at least half a world.
Tau: ASIAN FOOD.
Necrons: Damn if I know. One suggestion is Greek, but I don't really think "zombies" when Greek comes up.

I am so hungry right now, I hate you

>Emprah is...fuck if I know. Personification of customers?

The idea of the Emperor being a fat, lazy, and whiny fuck is sadly not that far off from the official canon.

>>16947479

Went scrolling through the thread to see if anyone had linked to that.

That thread. Use it, OP.
in after battle burgers.

>>16951253
Necrons are the fat kids that can't stop eating.

>>16951882
Not Tyranids?

Necrons are the ones who think you stole their seat.

The Hamburgler must be featured in some way, either as an elite black-ops agent or an anti-establishment terrorist

Necrons will eliminate all food as we know it! Instead we must subsist on tasteless vitamin/nutrition sticks. This is the first step to becoming a non-eating machine.

>>16951253
I don't know much about 40k, just glimpses from this board as I look through the D&D threads. But if I'm not wrong in assuming the Necrons have something to do with death (and you mentioned zombies) so I'd suggest having them as governmental zombies, they would be food inspectors trying to shut down any and all worlds they pass by.

>>peaceful ediamat
Oh captcha, in a food fight there can be no peace, even for ediamat.

>>16952273
In the grim tastiness of the future
there is only foodfights.

I know we are already frothing about this but i think the Necrons should be the embodyment of really bad convience store/gas station food.
All that is freeze dried and processed to the point where you cannot tell what it once was.
Also beef jerky zombies. Think about it.

>>16953150
>beef jerky zombies

That would be more delicious than terrifying.

bump

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