“We are so fucked.” You groan as Chaos Daemons start warping in between you and the Orks. At least they have nice tits… Purple and attached to warp beasts who would enjoy little more than ripping you apart. But still, you didn’t know Daemonettes were stacked.

A Fire Prism from out of nowhere busies itself with hammering away at your squad, as quite obviously you are the real threat here. You, huddling low and shaking in your “armor”.

Some Fire Warriors show up and start blasting away as well, sure why the fuck not, one giant “kill some guardsmen” party…

Hours later you somehow pull yourself from under a pile of rubble and Orks, seeing no one around.

There is a Vox nearby, and you give it a try.

“Guys?” you ask quietly.

Up in the dark sky you see the Imperial Cruiser you arrived in snap in half as an Ork ship just rams on through it.

“…Guys?”

“…” No response, just static.

All of this because this planet was home to a power fist that for whatever reason the machine cult had been worshipping for millennia…

Well at least the Armory is nearby, so you scrounge for some equipment.

[ ] Kasrkin gear, pretty cool shit.

[ ] Commisar uniform, bitches love Commisar uniforms.

[ ] General’s regalia, we command now.

[ ] Your equipment is already of the highest grade and graciously provided to you by the Emprah, praise him.

>>17067332
D, praise the Emprah

[X] Commisar uniform, bitches love Commisar uniforms.

>also someone please help me figure out how to stop my friend from building his mary sue ultramarines army, I just got him into TT and he is killing me with this bullshit

[ x] Your equipment is already of the highest grade and graciously provided to you by the Emprah, praise him.

>>17067444
show him some other chapters and tell him ultramarines are babbys first space marine chapter?

>>17067332

>[X] Commisar uniform, bitches love Commisar uniforms.

>>17067332
Commisar uniform.

Looks like Commisar equipment it is

Here's a picture of the Typhus from the first army I ever painted

Some call me the Commisar of Love. *BLAM*

The hat is probably the coolest thing ever, the sword and pistol are both pretty sweet, but this fucking hat, seriously.

You are too busy flexing and posing in a mirror to notice a servo skull float up behind you.

The skull beeps and you whirl around, flailing your new sword and busting a cap as you pop off rounds. Wu Tang Clan ain’t nuthin to fuck wit.

“Oh, it’s just you…” You are glad no one was around to see you.

The skull scans you and must think you really are a Commisar because it starts playing a message. You listen intently as it lays out tactical data for all the Xenos here. Interesting.

A nearby Vox rattles out a quick message, identifying itself as a sister of battle.

The Mechannus command is nearby as well.
Well there isn’t much else to do, may as well check out some of these leads. Who knows, maybe you can find some help or even a way off this rock… Or get your knob slobbed, it could happen.

[ ] Check out the Tau presence at the hot springs, supposed to be a nice place for a bath.

[ ] Scout the Warp disturbance nearby. The Daemonettes are both sexy and terrifying.

[ ] Try to find out where the Sisters of Battle communication is coming from. She sounded cute for a Sorita.

[ ] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.

[ ] The Necrons are surely up to something sinister…

[ ] Track down that group of Eldar you saw earlier, you think you spotted the shortest Farseer you’ve ever seen.

[ ] Find the Mechanicus and see if anyone is still alive there.

[ ] You don’t know much about Dark Eldar, but you aren’t
exactly sure you want to know more.

[x] Find the Mechanicus and see if anyone is still alive there.

>>17067739
Half vote each for the orks and the eldar.

[X] track down eldar

dark eldar because fuck you no one ever pays attention to the dark eldar

also I am monitoring this thread

Find the SOB, commence dickings

Either Daemonettes or the Sorita.

>>17067739

Sister of battle.

Hey soul sista, lets see those Sisters of Battle

1+1/2 for eldar
1 for dark eldar
1/2 for orks
1/2 for daemonettes
3+1/2 for SOB
1 for Mechanicus

Looks like /tg/ wants the least heretical route first?

>>17067864
If by Heretical, you mean sexy, then yes.

>>17067864

Nah, fuck that. More Heresy. Go find the eldar.

>>17067864
Daemonettes, fuck the bobcuts.

Also I plan on continuing this story for a while so everyone should eventually get the heresy of their choosing

>>17067877
>>17067911
Oh come now, they aren't that bad...
Consider it the appetizer course, after which we will indulge in delicious, delicious heresy.
All while wearing our bitchin new commisar uniform.

>SOB first, xenos later

Many Guardsmen mistakenly believe that the Sisters of Battle are allies that can be trusted entirely. What they fail to realize is that often times a Sister is just as likely to roast you for even a whiff of heresy as they are to help you. They also have a VERY broad and often convoluted definition of heresy.

For this reason, you approach the rhino transport with utmost caution. True, you did track the broadcast to this vehicle, but you don’t trust a Sorita unless she is far separated from the nearest incineration device.

You clear your throat and knock on the rear hatch of the transport.

“Sister of Battle, this is Commisar Decarus, are you in there?”
A jet of fire almost engulfs you, missing by nigh more than a foot. You dive out of the way as another firing port opens right in front of your face.

The ramp drops with a thud and a Sorita comes screaming out, chainsword roaring and fire bursting all around her.

Only after several moments does she slow to a stop, gazing around hawkishly, as her flamer dies down.

“Am I still alive?” You ask, having ducked and covered as you had learned to do.

Her eyes snap to you and you feel them burning as hot as her flamer, as though boring into your very being. You know she is eyeing you for any glimpse of heresy, you pray she doesn’t pick up on any. If she does, you might be lucky enough to garner a quick death via chansword rather than a drawn out burning ordeal. Though likely not.

Roll 1-20 for luck.

rolled 3 = 3

>>17067971

rolled 19 = 19

rollin

rolled 19 = 19

i fancy my odds

rolled 8 = 8

>>17067990
BLAM
summary execution

rerollin

>>17067990
You motherfuck

bump

rolled 13 = 13

>>17068000
>>17068010
>>17068016
>>17067990

Are these rolls going to be averaged or are we just fucked?

>>17067990

>oh Max, we barely knew thee

"We purge with righteous zeal!"

Her flamer crackles to life, and you have not time to dodge, or do anything really, before the barrel is staring you in the face.

You never thought you would go out like this, a choppa to the face maybe, but not a Sorita making guardsman toast.

The jet of fire engulfs you, the white hot heat searing away your flesh from bone. The pain is excruciating as you are roasted alive. You try to scream, but nothing emerges as liquid flame pours into your lungs.

Your body falls to the ground, charred and broken. Your last thoughts are of home…

rolled 10 = 10

Two 19s outweight one 3 and 8. We're doing fine.
Now that I've said that, let's hope my roll doesn't bomb.

>>17068053
no idea

DONT FORSAKE US OP

rolled 12 = 12

>>17068057
...
>Not one, but two 19's.
>Picks the 3.
>Never said anything about rolling order, or first rolls.

>>17068057
bad end

*inserts another coin*

Get out of here, faggot.
TVtropes is not welcome here.

>>17068057
i loled heartly

>>17068057

WELP, gg everyone. Also, SoB guy from >>17067962? Fuck you, fuck you right in the ear.

Not that the other options would have ended any better, but still.

>>17068072
>trolled hard

“Die heretic!”

“No fuck you you crazy bolter bitch, I’m not a heretiiicccccc!!!” You howl as you dodge yet another slash of her chainsword.

She’s fast, too fast, and in her armor far stronger than you are.

The sword comes back around just after you dodged, you don’t have time to avoid it this time. You throw up your hands in some kind of pitiful defense.

The roaring implement of demise slashes down toward you, is this it? Is this how you end up? Cut to pieces on some xeno world by a cute but slightly crazy “ally”?

An instant before the chainsword crashes home into your soft, fleshy frame, a blinding golden light flashes. The chainsword flys out of the Sorita’s hand and lands in the dirt yards away.

She blinks at you, clearly in shock.

“It must be a sign…” She whispers, and she kneels in quick prayer.

You get up off the ground and dust off your hat. You aren’t sure what happened, but if it hadn’t you would be dead. In the flash of light, you swear you glimpsed a golden pauldron of some kind. But that isn’t possible, you must have just been seeing things.

>>17068100
what the fuck you crazy bitch? cant you see the hat?

rolled 2 = 2

>>17068092
Well, at that point, it was already decided on SoB, at 3 and 1/2 votes for them, to everyone else's 1 and 1/2 or less.

I was just trying to look on the brightside. I didn't know that this was going to happen.

rolled 8 = 8

>>17068100
Cuntpunch the bitch

rolled 15 = 15

>>17068100
>>17068100
.... Not sure if I should be annoyed, pleased or both.. So see the reaction image for:
>>17068072

rolled 11 = 11

>>17068140

fist vs. ceramite plating yeah have fun with that

we show her how free of taint we are and strip, clearly the human form naked is the best way to tell we're not tainted by heresy

You squirm a bit under her gaze, which doesn’t let up as her face draws ever closer…

“Hmph, something saved you today, the Emprah must be watching over you. Still, I can’t ignore such an obvious sign.”
She sets down her weapons and takes a seat on a piece of rubble, sighing as she does so.

You can’t help but notice, even for a Sorita, she is really damn cute. She sports a shorter cut of the Sister’s standard white hair, though with the addition of a small purity seal hair pin. Her face is smooth, and she sports a small inqusitiorial tattoo under her left eye, which is blue. You notice her right eye, in comparison, is green.

Admittedly however, you have a hard time concentrating on any of these details. After all, you’ve never been this close to a Sorita, especially one with such massive sweater squiggies, who also tried to kill you. Emprah be praised, sometimes this grim and dark universe offers a brief reprieve of bliss. Though the grimdark of the fact you almost got flayed still has you pretty shaken up.

“S-s-s-so, w-w-w-what are you doing here?” Your voice is shaky, must be the adrenaline.

You sit down and put your hat on your lap to cover up your massive erection, must be the adrenaline, maybe.

She looks you over again before answering, the steel in her eyes still very apparent. She doesn’t trust you, and you can’t exactly blame her. Golden flashes of light and all.

“I got separated from my sisters when the Chaos Marines hit our position, the defiler they brought with them overwhelmed our zeal, we clearly were not faithful enough.”

She looks at her hands dejectedly, as though disgusted with herself.

[ ] Try to comfort her, see if you can help her find her sisters

[ ] See if she knows what in Terra is going on and how
screwed you are

[ ] Inquire about whatever the fuck saved your punk ass

[ ] Cunt punt

See if she knows what in Terra is going on and how
screwed you are

[x] cunt punt

>>17068164
PUNT THE CUNT OUTTA HER

>>17068164

Yeah, second option. Cunt punchan can come later.

rolled 9 = 9

>>17068164
Well, considering all of the various options have a risk of catastrophic failure... let's go with the one that makes us look good.

[X] Try to comfort her, see if you can help her find her sisters

rolled 4, 3 = 7

>>17068164
[x] See if she knows what in Terra is going on and how screwed you are

[X] Try to comfort her, see if you can help her find her sisters

cuntpunt later

rolled 12 = 12

CUNT PUNCH CUNT PUNCH CUNT PUNCH

>>17068164
As a commissar, we are the final word on the worth of a Soldier of the Imperium. Comfort this bitch and tell her "Fear not - the Emprah has spared your life and thus, has greater plans for you. He brought us together for a reason - we must work together to do the Emprah's will."

[X] Try to comfort her, see if you can help her find her sisters

then we can rape/cuntpunch

cuntpunt

rolled 5 = 5

>>17068164
Option 2

She nearly fucking killed us, bitch needs punishment.

>>17068240
AKA Cuntpunt if you didn't catch my drift.

rolled 9 = 9

>>17068240
THIS
>Captcha: town iernenta
Let's go to town on her iernenta, which is probably High Gothic for vagina.

It's obnoxious 40K cliche quest. I love it.
This is awesome, and you should feel awesome OP.

[x] cunt punt

Time to do the wrong thing.

... You guys really want to try and physically hurt a highly psychotic women in power armor, who nearly killed us?

Barehanded and without any aid, I might add?
You're all suicidal aren't you?

rolled 8 = 8

>>17068273
She's a woman, a knee or fist to the vagina will disable her.
Also, fuck her, we got sweet Commissar digs.

>>17068273
PUNT FOR THE CUNT GOD

I believe we're trying to achieve maximum lulz, as taking things seriously is probably not OP's intention.

rolled 10 = 10

CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT

[ x Try to comfort her, see if you can help her find her sisters

comfort her

Punt the Cunt, also hurry up OP.

envoke the wraith of the emperor on here cunt

“Do you have any idea what in the name of the Emprah is happening here? I mean, how many of our forces are left, how screwed are we?” You ask, placing the hat back on your head.

She looks back at you and shrugs.

“You probably know most of it. Our troops are scattered at best, the guard is more or less wiped out, and the space marines… well…” she trails off, looking annoyed.

“Did they charge another Titan and or Monolith?”

“A Knarloc…” She says through her double facepalm.

Your foot feels itchy and restless, you rub at it through your boot absent mindedly.

“So what your trying to tell me, is we are pretty screwed?”
She shrugs in her armor, lowering her hands.

“The guard and astartes perhaps, but I know my Sisters are alive and bolstering their strength, I just know it!” She suddenly looks hopeful, the fire back in her eyes.

It’s not like you have much going on anyway.

“Want me to help you find them, your sisters I mean? I’m sure they are just fine.”

She stands up and walks over to you, placing one of her gauntleted hands on your shoulder.

“I’m glad to hear it, I’ll accept your help Commisar.” She beams at you before slowly looking away, averting her eyes.

You notice she is blushing a bit as she rubs her lip with a finger.

“…and I’m sorry I tried to purge you.”

You barely hear her. Your heart is pounding in your ears being this close to her. You might need to move your hat again, damn adrenaline.

She suddenly spins around and pumps a fist.

“All right, let us venture forth and find my Sisters!”

The sudden change snaps you out of your dreamy state.

>>17068341
>envoke
>wraith
>here

wut.

>>17068301
Yes, but we're trying to get some Warhams Poontang along the way.

Unless this Sister has a...

Wait... No... go right on ahead. I think I can see where this is going to go.

“Huzzzzah!” you yell as you drive your boot into her backside
She yelps in surprise and spins around, glaring at you, teeth bared in rage.

“That’s for trying to flay me without even having a POSSIBLE REASON as to why I was somehow a heretic.” You shout at her.

Her temper briefly flares but suddenly subsides and she nods.

“I’ve rightly earned that, perhaps my zeal was… ah… too hot this day.”

“Damn right it was…” You mutter as you cross your arms.
“Anyways, where exactly are we headed?” You ask.
She looks at you quizzically.

“I thought perhaps you knew, Commissar. As the Emperor’s hand seems to rest on your shoulder this day.”
You don’t say anything, it’s evident neither of you have any idea where to go.

rolled 18 = 18

>>17068357
What the fuck? Where's the cuntpunting?

rolled 7 = 7

>>17068367
Look up one.

>>17068363
Now... We go... *points randomly* That way.
1-100. 1-25 North, 26-50, South, 51-75 East, 76-100 West.

[ ] “This way, dear Sorita.” Lead her off to the north, may as well go SOMEWHERE

[ ] “I really have no idea where to go, I’m just as lost as you.”

[ ] “We must spin for direction, it is the only whey.”

rolled 5 = 5

>>17068389
That's it? I was expecting, y'know, pain, clutching, falling to the floor etc.

Lord Inquisitor Cap-T-Cha says we go to tsngto systems. QUICKLY!

>>17068394
point in a random direction and proceed with full confidence

or option 3

[x ] “We must spin for direction, it is the only whey.”

>You feebly fire your glorified laser pointer
you know despite it's suck ass stats lasguns kill.
i don't know how but i saw some videos and also others wrote it, lasguns fucking murder.

>>17068396
>leather boot
>armored ass of a warrior girl

we are just lucky she didnt try to fry us again. we got lucky to get away once

LET'S USE THE EMPEROR'S TAROT TO DIVINE OUR WAY THROUGH HIS MAGNIFICENT WILL !!!

( [x ] “We must spin for direction, it is the only whey.” )

>>17068394

Spin for direction, the Emprah will guide us.

[x] Emprah will show us his holy path.

[x] “We must spin for direction, it is the only whey.”

"Grab my hand and spin with me sister!" You yell, outstretching your hand toward her.

"Wh-what?" She asks, taking a step back and perhaps re-evaluating your level of heresy.

You dive in and snatch her hand, pulling her in close to you. Your eyes meet and in that moment of primordial passion you begin to spin.

Faster and faster you go, where you'll wind up nobody knows.

Roll 1-100
Highest roll determines N-S-E-W direction
Tzneetch is watching this thread, bonus for a roll of 66 or 100

rolled 70 = 70

FOR THE RAVEN GOD

rolled 91 = 91

>>17068516

>>17068516
I have to go grab my truck out of storage to brave the Michigan winter tomorrow, but I shall return swiftly with gifts and blessings for all

rolled 21 = 21

>>17068522
and i meant to say north

Blam
rerollan

rolled 51 = 51

rollin'

am i the only one who hates the bolter bitches?
women don't belong to the sacred field of battle.

rolled 20 = 20

Rolling. Lets see what'll happen.

rolled 41 = 41

West

rolled 13 = 13

You spin me right 'round baby right round...

rolled 92 = 92

>>17068516
THEWESTISTHEBEST

>captcha: Derldedu Possibly, yes captcha I believe it's in that direction as well

rolled 95 = 95

>>17068553
Herp derp. Forgot to put in a direction.

Northward!

rolled 59 = 59

just as planned

rolled 83 = 83

>>17068594
Dammit, we need to go west, I can feel it!

rolled 28 = 28

the raven guides our roll

to the north

>>17068621
The Dice seem to disagree.

rolled 22 = 22

Downwards, to the subterranean caves we are standing over.

rolled 41 = 41

to the air

>>17068652
IT'S UNDER OUR FEETS, SISTAH ! EMPRAH TELLS ME SO !

>>17068679
Forgot dice

rolled 98 = 98

>>17068686
ill roll for you

rolled 70 = 70

>>17068685
Let's dance until we make a hole in the earth to emprah's path !

>>17068700
Sorry, I'm new to TG
Also I'm retarded.

rolled 4 = 4

>>17068722
it's dice+XdY
X = no. of dice
Y = numbers possible to roll (0-Y)

rolled 1 = 1

The sky's the limit.
LET'S FLY AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

>>17068762
Damn, I failed quite hard right here...

rolled 41 = 41

>>17068762
apparently not for you

north

bump

>Critical failure.

"TO THE SKIES!" You bellow suddenly, stopping the spin.

"Huh?" The surprised Sorita gasps.

You pull her to a nearby Valkerie, and together you clamor inside.

"Do you uh... Know how to drive one of these?"

You stop pushing buttons and flipping switches to look over at her for a moment.

"No I do not, and knowing is half the battle."

With a lurch the Valkerie lifts off and jets away, as you cruise about the skies with impunity.

"WERE GOING DOWNNNNN!" The sister bellows, grabbing for something to brace the impact.

The craft slams into the pavement hard, and suddenly breaks through the ground below...

on my mobile taking a quick break from shoveling my truck out

>>17069132

>>17069175
At this point, I think OP is just going with whichever post amuses him the most.

>>17069227
nah, Droid just sucks for really doing this

>>17069227
And this is a problem why?
>>17069267
Chandroid? Also, dropped your trip.

>>17069278
chanscan

also
>2011
>losing a trip

"Are we dead?" The Sorita asks, rubbing her head.

You feel around, you don't think you are.

"That would be my ASS Commissar..."

rolled 20 = 20

>>17069300
"I think somehow, i already knew that. Think you can flick the pilot light on your flame for some light?"

rolled 61 = 61

>>17069300
And what a wonderful ass it is, I'd like to explore it further in the name of the emperor, hopefully find our commands, but first I think I need to get my concussion treated.

>>17069278
Note that I never said it was a problem, nor implied it.
All I said was that was what I thought was happening.

Honestly, if more DM's did this in quest threads, you'd get less derailing by idiots who managed to roll high on a ludicrious idea they posted. (Not saying that happened here, but it did happen in other quests, always to people's disappointment.)

Meanwhile in the legion of doom

"Lord Abbadon, we have completed the final preparations, we are prepared to use THAT."

Abbadon, the embodiment of Chaos, almost allows himself to crack a smile. Soon this world w...

A loud crash is heard overhead and Abbadon gazes up to see what caused the ruckus. A second later, the cockpit of a Valkyrie sinks down into view. Inside, a Commissar and a Sorita...

rolled 13 = 13

>>17069434
...
FIRE WHATEVER FRONTAL GUNS WE HAVE.

>>17069434
use all of the bullets.

rolled 10 = 10

>>17069462
Seconded. With the addition of seeing if there are any escape hatches to bail out of. Preferrably ones above the surface.

These are not the Daemons we're looking for.

"I was just looking for the instrument panel..." You lie, not sure what drove you to try to cop a feel over power armor.

The Valkyrie sinks into the dirt and suddenly drops down into a cave below.

And Abbadon the Despoiler is staring you in the face.

"Oh Emprah, THRUSTERS TO MAXIMUM! LET FLY ALL GUNS" You punch the controls and slam every button you can reach.

The Valkyrie's engines roar and the frontal guns and missiles erupt to life.

Or they would if the power wasn't dead.

Abbadon's companion rips open the cockpit of the ship, as Abbadon himself has no arms, and wrenches you out, holding you in his power claw. This is probably the end for you.

The Sorita is snatched up by two other Chaos Marines in Terminator armor. This really, really doesn't look good.

Still, there's nothing like a good blaster at your side kid.

Roll to hit

rolled 18 = 18

>>17069553
... Well here goes nothing. 1d20 rolling.

rolled 71 = 71

>>17069553
Firan' mah laser.

rolled 10 = 10

>>17069553
What are we even trying to roll?
I've been rolling d20s and rolled rather well, i rolled a nat 20 and suddenly im face to face with a warmaster!

>>17069588
sorry, d20 will be the standard.

>>17069572
You there, Librarian, roll to wound

Or SOMEONE roll to wound anyways

rolled 14 = 14

>>17069676
ON IT.

rolled 10 = 10

>>17069676
to move things along

rolled 17 = 17

rollan'

The Chaos Marines are too busy cackling madly to notice you slipping your laspistol out of its holster.

"Its Blamming time!"

Your first shot hits the one holding you under the jaw, and at point blank range there is nothing to save him. The power claw goes slack and he drops you to the ground as his corpse falls backwards.

With excellent accuracy you headshot one of the Terminators holding your Sorita friend, and he fudges his save and dies because fuck him. The other one drops the sisters arm and runs.

"Nooooo, noooooo!!! Seize them! Seize theemmmmm!!!" Abbadon howls after you as you grab the Sorita's arm and break into a run.

[ ] Deeper into the cave

[ ] Into the Valkyrie, by the Emprah himself that machine spirit will quit being a lazy cunt and FLY.

[ ] Right at Abbadon, let him taste the steel of your sword.

rolled 7 = 7

>>17069746
Into the cave! Into the cave!

[X] Into the Valkyrie, by the Emprah himself that machine spirit will quit being a lazy cunt and FLY.

>>17069746

Attack Abbadon, since we all know he can't strike back due to his lack of arms.

rolled 20 = 20

>>17069746
Stike down Abaddon!
He's completely 'Armless right now anyway

>>17069746
[X] Into the Valkyrie! We'll get this damn thing flying! Or at least get the sister her flamer.

>>17069779
WE ARE COMMISSAR NOW. THAT SHIT WILL FLY OR WE WILL EXECUTE IT FOR THE TRAITOR MACHINE IT IS.

[x] Right at Abaddon, let him taste the steel of your sword.

I've always wanted someone to give me their culinary opinion on my blade of choice.

>>17069746
>>he fudges his save and dies because fuck him

Life's a bitch, and then you've only got one wound.

[X] Right at Abbadon, let him taste the steel of your sword.
Because I hate his hair, and that topknot would make a great trophy.

rolled 15 = 15

>>17069746
At Abbadon, our furious zeal will carry us through, plus hopefully impress the sister enough to let us into her carapace.

>>17069772


"Abbadon, your reign of heresy ends TODAY!"

You draw your sword and ready yourself, steeling your nerves for what you are about to do.

Wait are you about to attack fucking Abbadon THE DESPOILER?

Too late, your legs are already moving, propelling you at full force right at the embodiment of heresy.

"Commissar no!" You hear the Sorita call out from behind you.

This attack could well decide the fate of the Imperium as man as you know it.

Roll for it

>>17069853
No way I'm rolling this. I'm not being responsible for Max's death.

rolled 34 = 34

>>17069869
Fine, I'll do it.
Rolling.

rolled 6 = 6

"FOR THE EMPEROR!"

rolled 13 = 13

>>17069853
My drill is the drill that will pierce the heavens, or at least your face!!!

rolled 16 = 16

I'm on this shit.
SMITE!

>>17069853
>Imperium as man as you know it.

OF man

>>17069875
1d20 friend, give er another go

rolled 12 = 12

>>17069853

rolled 8 = 8

you'll average them, right?

>>17069927
>implying I don't just go for the lowest roll


yes I'll average them

rolled 5 = 5

By the Emperor, I must know what happens

rolled 11 = 11

>>17069940
Oh then I'll roll

rolled 14 = 14

Smite in his name!

rolled 17 = 17

>>17069940

By the Emprah, this can only end well.

rolled 3 = 3

FOR THE EMPEROOOOOOOR

Not rolling too hot this round are ya?

You swing with all your might, but it only slams into the side of Abbadon's exposed head and doesn't penetrate more than a millimeter.

He reels backwards and trips over his foot, crashing onto his back. You thought about finishing him off until a horde of Chaos Marines come charging from a passage in the cave.

"Time to go!" You yell as you grab the Sorita and throw her over your shoulder. Holy fuck she is heavy, that power armor weighs a ton. Still, you can't be a little bitch right now.

You toss her into the passenger seat of the Valkyrie and jump in yourself. Furiously you smash and kick and scream at the controls. The Chaos Marines are close enough to start shooting now, and they do. Bolter rounds slam into the hull of the vehicle all around you.

"By the Empruh you will start this day!" You scream as you shoot the instrument panel.

The machine spirit reluctantly gives and the craft shudders to life. Wasting no time you throw it in R and hit max throttle.

"I'll get you next time Commissar! NEXT TIME!!!!" Abbadon howls at you, shaking his fist in rage, if he had one.

With a terrible screech the craft throws itself backwards out of the hole and soars ass-first into the sky.

>>17070050
This is almost too funny to picture.

>>17070050
>And I would of gotten away with it to, if it wern't for that meddling Commisar and his mangy Sorita!

>>17070050

rolled 6 = 6

>>17070107
That's Scooby Doo, OP was referencing Inspector Gadget.

rolled 15 = 15

Where is this going?
Lets fly west like that one anon said before.

>1642 hatword
captcha is telling me, I'm speaking for the hat?

>>17070166
I apologize, my liege! I shall commit suicide immediately for my transgressions against the emprah.

>>17070050
Wow

>>17070166
>>17070124

You guys get it.

While its true you did manage to put this punk machine spirit in its place, it is also true that you still don't know how to fly this damn thing.

Worse yet, the engines are losing power and the control panel is flashing on and off.

This bird is going down, the question is, where?

"Hey, since we might die when you try to land this thing, whats your name?" The Sorita looks over to you and asks.

You look away from the instrument panel momentarily.

"Its Max, not sure why you want to know a silly thing like that."

She looks away.

"Max..." She says softly.

"And how about you, what can I call you?"

Her gaze snaps back to you.

"Lycheria. Sister Lycheria."

The left engine flames out, looks like this is going to be another hard landing.

[ ] Roof of some unknown manifactorum

[ ] As close to what looks like an abandoned transport truck as you can get.

[ ] The wide open field to the west.

rolled 6 = 6

>>17070255

[x] Roof of some unknown manifactorum

rolled 10 = 10

>>17070267
this

>>17070267
Sounds like a plan.

[x] Roof of some unknown manifactorum

{x}Roof of some unknown manufactorum
Don't think we've seen nids yet. Maybe there'll be genestealers

dice+1d20
Roof malfunction

rolled 18 = 18

I say that we need more heresy.

>>17070255
[ X ] The wide open field to the west.

The roof of the manifactorum is underneath you, and though it is quite an impressively large structure, you do question your own landing skills.

The Valkyrie shudders and bucks as its last remaining engine struggles to keep the craft stable. Wind whips though the now exposed cockpit.

"Hey!" The Sorita yells over the din.

"If this is the end for us, I just wanted to let you know, I was glad to meet you Max." She finishes with a small smile.

The sight give you a bit of confidence (+1 to all rolls), but still, the task before you is daunting.

"Here goes nothing right?" You grip the controls hard.

The ship is coming in to hot, but there is little more you can do than try to hold her steady, hope the roof holds, and hope you don't go skidding off of it and crash into the ground far below the building.

Here's the big one /tg/entlemen, going to need some good rolls here.

>>17070396
I will probably make a 2nd thread tomorrow and you can have another crack at some heresy then. If by heresy you mean xeno girls.

rolled 19 = 19

>>17070455
manamana

rolled 14 = 14

>>17070455

>implying there are other kinds of heresy
>other IMPORTANT kinds of heresy anyway

rolled 7 = 7

FIRE!

With some kind of deft skill you must have latently been concealing up until this point, you actually manage to set the Valkyrie down fairly lightly for a flaming hunk of fire and hate.
When the craft finally skids to a stop and the painful screaming subsides, you open your eyes.

“Do stop screaming will you…” Lycheria asks, looking at you dubiously.

You lay back in your seat and wipe the sweat off your face. Yesterday you were stealing extra rations from the barracks, today you’ve fought off one of the Imperium’s greatest foes, landed a ship you didn’t know how to fly, and actually lived to tell the tale.

Lycheria gets up and stretches, her curvy frame filling up your view against a backdrop of sky.

“What’s the matter?” She tilts her head back to look at you playfully.

“Carnifex got your tongue?”

You smile, but your vision is getting hazy. You try to get up and find that you can’t. Looking down, you see why.

A piece of shrapnel from the shredded canopy has annoyingly lodged itself in your chest. Blood drips down from the wound.

Lycheria’s face goes white-er, as she notices the wound. She rushes over to you quickly and pulls apart your clothing to get a better look at the wound.

“Its… Its serious, but nothing you can’t survive.” She pulls you to your feet.

“We’re going to go find you some help, get you patched up. By the Emperor’s holy codpiece you had better not die on me.”

As she pulls you up, the shrapnel falls out of the wound. What looked like a piercing blow by a large shard is little more than a flesh wound. Both of you stop dead.
Until Lycheria smacks you across the head.

“You bastard I was actually worried about you there!” She screams frantically.

And before you know it, her lips are pressed to yours. They are disarmingly soft, you don’t know why you had always assumed a Sorita’s outside would be tough, but it isn’t. The feeling is blissful, and you don’t want it to end.

“Sorry, but I think I do have a concussion…” You mumble.

May whatever god/s you praise bless you for the joy you've brought me this evening.

Looks like /tg/ is turning in for the night? Might call it good on the Sister's arc for today. But fear not, you'll get the chance to pick her again.

>or you could try rolling to seduce...

rolled 1 = 1

>>17070651
SEXING.

rolled 18 = 18

>>17070664
Now THAT is a /tg/ Seduction roll.

>>17070664

Aaaaaaaaaand now is a good time to stop things. Before we get our junk blown off.

>>17070664
>get a shot at a seduction roll
>roll a 1

oh you

This might be the greatest thread ever!

God Bless OP!

Should I upload this to 1d4chan or something so people could catch up if they come in for tomorrow's thread?

>>17070707
Yes

rolled 8 = 8

>>17070651
HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE

rolled 2 = 2

>>17070707
sup/tg/ will do fine.

What do you want to call the quest?

rolled 4 = 4

>>17070717
holy shit, i'm retarded.

rolled 7 = 7

>>17070720
Commissar Lovin' Quest. For that is what we're to do.

THE EMPRAH'S WORK IS NEVER DONE.

rolled 4 = 4

Love can bloom!

So basically the whole premise is a Ciaphas Cain knock-off CYOA.

AND I MISSED IT

>>17070720
Eh, doesn't matter to me. Extra heresy was the posting title for it, Heretical Love is what I've been writing up the ideas as before posting the start of it here.

Also I've never been on or used Sup/tg/, so how does it work?
>magnets?

>>17070736
>>17070727
>>17070720
>>17070717
>>17070664

Guess no one wanted to seduce that bolter bitch, better luck with her next time perhaps.

>>17070765
Don't worry friend, lurk around 1-2pm ish eastern time tomorrow for the next installment.

>>17070769
>implying anybody would have a shot of seducing a sororitas except another sororitas
I don't even know why we tried

rolled 20 = 20

>>17070769

>>17070786

Well someone has the right idea, just a tad late.

rolled 5 = 5

>>17070769
Heretical Love it is, and sup/tg/ is easy

you place the thread number in the box, add a title, and have your tags separated by commas, viola you've archived a thread.

rolled 3 = 3

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/17067317/

Of course despite saying how easy it was I still failed miserably, forgetting to include the quest name in the tags for ease of searching.

/facepalm

dice+1d20

>>17067317
>Maximus Decarus the last surviving member of his guardsman unit, must survive, and potentially prosper (in the coin of delicious xenos ass) in a world seemingly out to kill him off specifically.

I LOVE IT

>>17070664
and because of natural critical failure...

“Well we will just have to get that treated, but you should be fine in the meantime. I’ll bandage up your wound though.”
Lycheria grabs the medkit out of the husk of the Valkyrie and pops it open.

She tries unsuccessfully to open some packages and then sighs.

“Power armor, good for many things, detail work not being one.”

Her armor disengages itself and she begins to remove it. You’ve never seen a Sister or astartes remove their armor, it’s pretty interesting. Especially the part where her breastplate falls forward and her tits bounce from the release, though still hidden in a tight sports bra. (+1 as needed to contain tits of this magnitude.)

She suddenly notices your eyes, and possibly the strand of drool leading to quite a puddle on the roof.

“Like what you see, Commissar?”

Your taken aback by the question. If you say yes, will she kill you or unlock full dere mode? Fucking women how do they work?

“…And if perhaps, I do?” You inquire.

She picks you up by your collar and pulls you close, you can feel her hot breath on your face.

“Then, Max, you had better be willing to see it through to the end.”

Her lips meet yours again, a reunion that sets the sky alight with color and causes strange xeno birds to sing their song of triumph.

Her breasts, though caged in her tight clothing and begging to be set free, smoosh themselves into your chest. Heaven, this is HEAVEN. The Emperor himself bro-fists you from the golden throne.

“Sister Lycheria, is that you?” A voice calls out from the side of the building.

Lycheria lets you go and whirls around.

“Sister Candis, is that you!?” She cries out joyfully.

“Indeed it is, come over here and we will get you off the roof.” The other sister yells back.

Your first chance at some sweet warrior-girl-from-space action and you get cockblocked HARD. Go figure...

>and I'm done writefagging for the night but I'll lurk around if anyone has a question/whatever. Again, 1-2pm eastern tomorrow for the 2nd thread.

rolled 9, 4 = 13

>>17070853

Like?

İ FUCKİN LOVE İT!

rolled 12 = 12

>>17070867
We need to recruit a wingman ASAP. Is our guard unit completely confirmed KIA?

rolled 10 = 10

>>17070871

Welp. Wrong Roll

>>17070873
Guard unit is toast but I've been thinking up a wingman thread but I'm not spoiling it.

>>17070873
well there's the Mechanicus

>>17070916

Sexual Instructions for Techpriests:

1. Chant the Litany of Bitches
2. Anoint the mechanicock with the holy oils
3. Engage the lever and ignite your piston
4. Sing praise to the Omnissiah

rolled 13 = 13

>>17070873
I have it.
We shall have a TAU Wingman!
Who better?

rolled 12 = 12

>>17071003
Quite Heretical.

I like it.

Why do I have a feeling we're going to go Rogue Trader or Inquisitor and have some sort badass retinue instead of staying a Commissar?

>>17071003

That...actually doesn't sound too bad. We're already going to have heresies by the dozens, if all goes according to plan. So why not?

Good idea negative pressure ventilator.

>>17071003
God damn it I've already written up the Tau girl and some of he wingman shit but that does sound pretty awesome now that I think about it.

gee Bill, TWO wingmen? It can't be helped

>>17071015
>Why do I have a feeling we're going to go Rogue Trader or Inquisitor and have some sort badass retinue instead of staying a Commissar?

I like your style friend

rolled 12 = 12

>>17071035
Please - Wingmen will be necessary to prepare us for the most glorious of heresies. We will commandeer the Valkyrie and use it as our ship till we can get a better vehicle and then Max shall be interstellar pimp, picking up xeno after xeno and showing them the glory of the Emprah.

>>17071046
the Valkyrie is toast but I do like the idea of a Tau wingman for our retinue so that will happen

TWO Tau wingmen! I mean, a wingman and a wingwoman. One is Wing, the other Wong!
. . .
Emperordamnit, that works.

Also, I hope the Manufactorium/Munitiorum/whatevarium got the Admech techpriestess... The almost hereTEKally fleshy techpriestess from circle A's pic.

dont mind me just testing something