He sure is old.

Looks like a really old Conan.

...

...

... Tough act to follow.

God, he is old. It's gonna be sad when he passes.

He's not long for this world, that much is sure.

Well, that's it then. I gotta become the stuff of legends, because it's what the old man wants. It shall be done.

>>17286498

And so, the only good MTG thread I've ever seen on /tg/ opens.

Please, continue to honour this Elder.

He's been under the care of the church for awhile. They pray for him and all but they tell me he's getting on in years. I dunno, I think maybe he's just gotten too old, I think this is it.

When I was real young, he carved me a rabbit from some wood. Used his sword to carve it, said it meant more that way.

That sure was a long time ago...what age is he now?

Discuss what, sir?

>>17286628
Discuss what's in his will. I think it's time to think seriously about it, he's starting to show his age if you know what I mean.

>>OLD MAN! PREY UPON THOSE RATS, THEN PUT YOUR GUTS ON MY INVISIBLE STALKER!

>nom nom nom blergh

>>17286633

Do you really value mundane trinkets over a human life?

>>OLD MAN! MY STITCHER APPRENTICE IS GOING TO MAKE YOU INTO A HOMUNCULUS SEE, YOU LATER!

>mfw

>>OLD MAN, MEET YOUR NEW ROOMMATE SKIRSDAG CULTIST

>aw c'mon man

>>17286641
What the fuck
what, no? He's old though. You can't deny that he's not gonna be around much longer, we gotta get his will sorted or it'll be a court deal and that's just annoying.

>>17286676

Sure, sure. Make it seem like you weren't planning on offing him to get the counters sooner.

You guys are hella retarded, that sword doesn't even look that old.

>>17286682
I am deeply offended sir. That man has been such a large part of our lives, what am I going to do when he's gone?

>>17286636

Lol'd.

>>17286660

Love the 666 on a human sacrifice comment.

Step 1: Find your cathar.
Step 2: Get your cathar in the cannon.
Step 3: Find another cathar.

>>17286698

... :(

>>17286695

You and I both know his death will bring tremendous power to us all.

Two power, to be specific.

>>17286698
Dude what the fuck. That is NOT okay, that man is dying and you're just, fucking....not cool, man.

It's always kinda funny when your Elder Carthar dies and you put the counters on another Elder Carthar.

>>17286720
Why would we get 2?

>>17286736

Because we are human. Human. Human. After all.

>>17286723
The man is old! He already is close to death, and he realizes it for himself. A little nudge in the right direction, that's all.

>>17286743
But, bro. Don't you realize?

are creature type has always been...

HORROR

>>17286751
SHOOTING ONE OUT OF A CANNON IS MORE THAN A NUDGE.

>>17286753

WEE ooh WEE ooh WEE ooh WEE ooh WEE ooh WEE ooh

>>17286753
HUMANS WERE THE DEMONS ALL ALONG

AVACYN WAS REALLY A DEMON

WEREWOLVES ARE PALADINS AND MURDER US DEMONS IN RIGHTEOUS FURY TO PROTECT THE OTHER HOLY CITIZENS OF THE TRUE GOD.

>>17286756
...

It's TECHNICALLY a nudge. We NUDGE him three counties away, by express delivery.

>>17286785
That is NOT "technically" a nudge, that is "technically" a rather violent push.

>>17286805

Laughed out loud. Bravo.

>>17286792
So, we'll give him a mild push. He'll die like he always wanted to! Don't you want to make an old man happy, one last time?

>>17286815
calling the guards

>>17286805
hue
huehuehuehuehue
hue

>>17286819
Oh, so I can't try to make my father's death less unpleasant? He IS my father, you know.

And knowing your mother, he's probably your father too.

I brought a bed for him, it'll be fine.

>>17286838
Yes, exactly. How fitting.

>>17286838
That bed has been reserved by a Ms. Mausoleum Guard, I'm sorry.

>>17286850
Fuck off. This is the king's assistant we're talking about, not some tramp in rags.

>>17286860
There are no kings in all of Innistrad......are you delirious? Have you been bitten recently?

>>17286860
Are you calling my wife a tramp?

>>17286870
...

Maybe. But, c'mon. One mosquito won't hurt me, for I am a GOD! A WOLF! I am IMMORTAL! NOTHING SHALL TOUCH ME!

>>17286871
Probably. "Ghoulcallers trying to get in" does sound suggestive.

>>17286884
"Wolf", huh? Yeah this guy's totally bit. Someone grab him, he's got "the disease". You know the one. He's already in the hallucinations phase...

These are way more fun to make than they should be.

>>17286890
>remove .... from the game
This should say exile I think.

>>17286889
No! Don't touch me! I've already felt those tentacles before!

>>17286905

I believe it was created before 'exile' was keyworded.

>>17286905
predates exile bro.

Now if you'll just step this way honored elder...

>>17286911
Yeah. Exile was only created in M10. This was Ravnica block.

>>17286909
I know a Skaberen who'll pay BIG for some test subjects on this kind of disease.

>>17286909
Get the City Guard in here, this one's bad.

I'm fairly sure I'm a horrible person.

>>17286941
oh MAN that would be a great card for Bazaar Trader!

"COME SIR, COME SEE. I KNOW WHAT A YOUNG MAN LIKE YOU NEEDS IN THEIR LIFE! THIS ONE OF A KIND, ABSOLUTELY PRISTINE DEMON!"

"I WILL EAT YOUR FLESH MORTAL. YOUR BLOOD IS MINE."

"i'll take it"

can someone shoop that eagle on the elder's shoulder into an aquila?

>>17286955

Laughed out loud again. Bravo.

>>17286955
>give an opponent a 7/7 flying trampler for free

... I'm sorry, what?

>>17286965
I didn't see Trample. That makes it a little less awesome.

These fucking demons ALWAYS have a catch. I swear to god I am never buying anything from that littler goblin fucker at the bazaar again! This is the 4th demon he's sold me! I am not satisfied, not one bit.

>>17286956

If I was actually decent at this I would. Unfortunately these shitty edits are about the peak of my talent.

>>17286981
Hey, ees not MY fault you no ask for a demonstration, Mr. "I have so much money I can buy a fucking demon".

>>17287045
Hey man, I've been saving for that demon for years. Ever since I was a small boy, I've been saving money for my very own personal demon...not some cheap, Chinese-make demon you keep giving me!

>>17287060
>chinese demons not either fucking hilarious or OH SHIT!
you must of gotten one of them.. christy demons or such...

>>17287068
No, not a chinese demon like Hsien Ko or some shit, a chinese knock off. Some 50 cent rubber piece of shit that can't even weave flesh into sweaters.

>>17287060
Oh, bullshit! FOUR fucking demons you buy, and every one you complain! I'm sick of your shit, boy! Besides, it's common knowledge that it's your parents' money you spend anyways.

>>17287084
hisen-ko isn't a demon, she's a zombie.

>>17287084
Are you saying my demons CAN'T knit flesh into sweaters? Is this what you are saying?

>>17287094
I'm saying I own 4 of your demons and my flesh remains unknitted you conniving green thief. Where's my flesh sweater?
WHERE'S MY FLESH SWEATER??

>>17287090
Hsien-ko isn't a zombie, she's a mix of a ghost and a jiang-shi(Chi Vampire) combined with her sister who is a...

Okay fuck it, she's a zombie.

>>17287006
If you're looking for suggestions, Nantuko Husk is the archetypal sac outlet.

>>17287110
You call them dense while saying she's a mix of a ghost and a Jiang Shi? She IS a Jiang Shi, with a mix of Jiang Shi. A Jiang Shi being a mix of a ghost, zombie, and vampire. Duh.

>>17287103
Oh, fuck you! Always bitching.
"Oh, Quaabus, it costs too much! Oh, Quabbus, my demon isn't big enough! Quabbus this, Quabbus that."
Well, enough! Use good quality flesh this time. It's your fault you only shell out for sheepskin. You see my sweater? My cousin, Abdhul, pissed me off. So I killed him and my demon made me this sweater from his skin.

>>17287129
I'm a lot taller than you, goblin fucker, you sell me cheap demons one more time, I fucking stab you. I stab you cause I'm taller and you're too short to not get stabbed!

>>17287121
>>17287121
Actually that's just the first picture of Hsien-ko that comes up when I ctrl+F

... though If someone could shoop Hipster glasses onto that pic I'd be eternally grateful

>>17287134
Oh, look at you, big man! Threatening a poor trader, just because I'm a bit short.
No matter. If you stab me, I'll just set my demons on you. It's getting cold. I need a new sweater anyways.

>>17287134
>not seeing the sneaky goblins behind and under and above you
this is why you don't fuck with goblins, especially ones that sell demons.
and also its your fault for getting the knockoffs too.

>>17287144
Hsien Ko requires no glasses, she sees ALL. Doesn't do anything about anything. Or even remember what she sees.

But she saw it.

>>17287149
I have 4 demons myself! I WILL DEMON BATTLE YOU, TINY MAN. YOUR "INVISIBLE INK" AND SCAMS WONT SAVE YOU NOW.

Just stopping in to say Elder Cathar finally lost his battle to cancer. Like, 3 days ago. He's actually starting to rot, which is the only reason I'm even saying anything.

>>17287154
Great! Bring it! Did you know that demons respond to their parents instinctively, and that I happen to breed all my demons from one sire?
You remember my cousin, Abdhul? Guess what? I have seventeen other cousins, and they all have family. And they will ALL help me.

So, do you really want to battle my hundred-man army, and all of my demons?

>>17287154
>>17287170
I don't even believe this shit

>>17287170
Yeah. Lets go. DO SOMETHING, BITCH. Stab me, I dare you.

>>17287189
Oh, look, I happen to have a cursed knife. What's that? You don't want it?

TOO FUCKING BAD.

>>17287205
Well look what I've got, stunty-sucker.

>>17287212
SO scared. Here, I'm sure you don't mind bleeding out in front of my stall, do you?

>>17287230

>>17287238
This makes no sense any more!

And Elder Cathar is dead and no one cares! And what happened to that man with lycanthropy? Did he just take off into the night without anyone watching him? AND THERE'S FAIRIES EVERYWHERE, FUCK.
God they're cute.

>>17287242
So wait, a white+red vs a black+red? oh fun!

>>17287242

ALL OF YOU SHUT UP
I've been drinking these last few days and my skull feels five sizes too small

>>17287249
I thought it was W/B vs. R/B, with demons fucking everywhere.

>>17287280
>with demons fucking everywhere
That..could have been phrased better.

>>17287274
Ah! Your skull is five sizes too small? I have just the potion for you! Ten gold, only today!

>>17287283
No bro, they were succubi. Why would I buy anything else? They just kinda fuck, ignore it. They don't ever really stop so, whatever.

>>17287285
Trusting you traders was what got me into this. Gathak got a new shipment of enchanted mead, wanted people to test it.
Turns out it was made for cheap taverns, and the more I drank, the more I wanted to drink.

Just get me some Bottle Gnomes and quiet down.

>>17287302
Well, why didn't you say so? I just got a new shipment yesterday. A traveling planeswalker sold them to me, fresh from the plane of Mirrodin! He found a small colony, untouched by Phyrexian taint, and he sold them to me at a good price. I can kill one right now for you, free of charge! What do you say?

>>17287318
This seems horrible...

>>17287323
Are you insulting the quality of my Bottle Gnomes? I've already had one fight today, I'm ready for another!

>>17287318
I'll kill it myself, thanks. And if I start sprouting an extra head or something then violence will ensue.

I've put an archive request in. Thanks, /tg/. This is amazingly funny.

>>17287331
Oh, he assured me that you couldn't find a TRACE of Phyrexia where he went. Don't worry, my friend.

Just gonna dump this Elder corpse in the landfill, that cool? No one seems to be coming for him.

>>17287338
HEY! What do you think you're doing?

Wasting a perfectly good corpse. I know some people who would be VERY angry with you right now....

IF YOU HAD FOUR ELDER CATHARS

WITH EACH ONE THAT DIES, ONE GROWS STRONGER

THE LAST OF THE FOUR IS THE STRONGEST

ALL GLORY TO THE FATHER OF MACHINES

>>17287338
NO ELDER CATHAR NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

>>17287371
Oh, is that where he landed after we shot him from the cannon?

.... Not bad.

>>17287380
You killed my granddad you son of a bitch. Time for a WoG in vengeance!

>>17287396
Actually that guy was already dead. He died. A long time ago. Everyone just sort of forgot and never came back.
He died pretty alone, I think his last words were "Why. Where are they" or some shit. Now he stinks and is being swarmed with maggots.

>>17287318

I wonder what else a travaling planeswalker could sell.

Besides Swords of Puns and Gags.

Anyone here going to SCG in DC and Richmond?

>>17289839
Elder Cathar was going to..
;_;

>>17289875

Oh

He's still going, I got res

>>17289920
The old man's dead?
Pity, but it explains why I'm suddenly feeling stronger and more full of life.

Works well in G/W draft decks w. Travel Prep with a bunch of humans.