quality thread.

Yo elf is so fat, she cast Phantom Steed, and it said "Hell no."

Yo elf is so fat, we gotta use Cure Heavy Wounds to heal her.

Yo elf is so fat, she cast 'Grease' on her biscuits.

Yo elf is so fat, she is considered "Large" instead of "Medium".

Yo elf is so fat, she got petrified by a Medusa and some dwarves tried to take up residence in her.

Yo elf is so fat, the Tarrasque would need a to-go bag.

Yo elf is so fat she takes a 5 foot waddle.

>>17663365
Holy shit, I was just about to make this thread. Cheerio, chap.

Yo elf is so fat, she needs a Ring of Sustenance on each finger.

Yo elf is so fat, she devours two castings of Heroes' Feast...as an appetizer.

Yo elf is so fat, she gets a +16 grapple modifier.

Yo elf is so fat, a Gelatinous Cube asked for her number.

Yo elf is so fat she killed the tarrasque by choking it on the way down.

Yo elf is so fat, Swallow Whole is a free action for her.

Yo elf is so fat, her vagina is the entrance to Undermountain.

>>17663365
>Yo elf is so fat, she takes two standard actions to move 30'.
Yo elf is so fat, to move 30' she just turns around.

Yo elf is so fat her favored enemy is cake.

Yo elf is so fat, she has poor health and is winded easy.

>>17663580
Butter Brother Crossaunt! To what do we owe the honour?

Yo elf so fat, she can drink a whole decanter of endless water

Yo elf is so fat, she wears Portable Holes as earrings.

Yo elf is so fat, she should really take better care of herself. Thats unhealthy. Seriously people care about you, don't destroy yourself!

Yo elf is so fat, she got a Natural Armor rating.

Yo elf is so fat she auto-fails stealth checks.

Yo elf is so fat, her fat rolls are bags of holding.

Yo Drow so black, when she walk in a temple, Clerics be casting Daylight to dispell Deeper Darkness.

Yo elf is so fat, not even an immovable rod can support her.

Yo elf is so fat, she got her own marching order.

Yo elf is so fat her character portrait is bigger than the campaign map.

Yo elf is so fat, his armor has rolls of flab.

Yo elf is so fat, she gets winded by taking 10 on skill checks.

Yo dwarf is so ugly, she wears a second beard to hide the top of her face.

Yo Elf is so fat, she needs a natural 20 to climb some stairs

Yo elf is so fat, she spread over 3 editions!
Yo elf is so fat, she caused a plastic shortage when GW tried to make a model of her
Yo elf is so fat, she doesn't wear armour, she wears castles!

Yo elf is so fat, her cholesterol is higher than her caster level

Yo elf is so fat, when she steps into the tomb of horrors, she sets off all the traps.

>Yo drow is so black, she can't be found at night

A dragon set yo elf on fire, now we use her as an everburning torch.

Yo elf is so fat that casting enlarge person on her would require creating a new size category.

rolled 29 = 29

yo drow is so short, looks like Smurfette

yo ogre is so sterotypical it might as well be Mike Myers' Shrek

yo wizard is so virgin, even 10,000 gold later hasnt had "one experience"

yo zombie is so not scary, it only has two hit dice, wtf?!

yo npc is so unoriginal, didnt you just watch that Kevin Costner film last night?

yo dwarf is so tolkien, he gets confused for a lawn ornament.

yo african berserker.. is actually a fine upstanding young gentleman.. *phew*

yo dual class druid-magi is so fucking sick, has a shape changing beast familiar, and a ball gag

yo elf is so fat, she sings the last song of the opera with a winged helmet and a chocolate cake.

Yo gnome is so short, she gets mistaken for a stool

>>17663867
Yo elf is so fat, her stool got mistaken for a gnome.

WHAT NOW?

Yo elf is so fat, she blocks everyone's line of sight.

Yo elf is so fat, my Shredder gets diabetes when it uses Snacking on her.

Yo elf is so fat, she eats 1d4 investigators a round.

Yo Elf is so fat, she needs to wear every Belt of Strength to keep her pants up

>>17663740
No, that's yo fat elf - you just didn't recognize her in disguise.

Yo elf is so fat, she only threatens the squares she's occupying.

Yo Dwarf is so short tempered, she can rage twice a day

Yo elf is so fat, she gives herself soft cover.

Yo elf is so fat she counts as 9/10th cover

>>17663919
Yo elf is so fat, she occupy ALL THE SQUARES!

Yo Elf is so fat she can only cast Otto's Irresistible Wobble

Yo elf is so ugly, her looks can break Mirror Image.

Yo Solar Exalt is so fat, she can't make a perfect defense against cake.

Your Sister of Battle is so fat, the only thing she's fighting is heart disease.

>>17663910
>Everblight
I tip my hat to you.

Yo elf is so fat her arms count as heavy clubs

Yo wizard so fat he's got Arcane Spell Failure in robes.

Yo elf so fat, her ears ain't pointy no more.

Yo elf is so fat, each of her ass cheeks takes up a 5' square

> Yo elf is so fat, it takes a diamond worth 20,000 gp to cast Resurrection on her.

> Yo elf is so fat, she takes two standard actions to move 30'.

Made me chuckle.

Yo Orc bref stank so bad, Jubilex be like "DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!"

>>17663989
>>17663441
>>17663512
>>17663553
>>17663601
>>17663701
>>17663910
>>17663927
You people are amusing, if only just. The rest of you shouldn't quit your day jobs.

Yo elf is so fat, she has a slam attack.

Yo elf is so fat, her body takes two castings of animate dead to zombify.

Yo elf is so fat, she has defender.

Yo elf is so fat, a cutter has to hire a tout to navigate around her. And a pretty barmy tout at that.

Yo elf so fat, she got stuck in a portable hole.

Yo elf so fat, she sat on an immovable rod and it fell down.

>>17664013
I was going to give you a caustic reply, but you picked out a number of my lines. Flattery will get you everywhere!

Polite sage for off-topic

Your Xeno is so fat, it take two bolters to purge all of her.

I was upset that my thread got deleted but in retrospect I'm glad it spawned this one.

Rogue: "...this elf is so fat I can't Sneak Attack her."
Sorcerer: *SNRK*
Rogue: "No, for real, man, I need help, here!"
Sorcerer: "...*casts Sunburst*"
**POOF**
Rogue: "...did she seriously count as an Ooze?"
Sorcerer: "No shit? Let's go loot the corpse and see if she ate any magic items!"
Rogue: "You mean 'see if she ate any adventurers who happened to be carrying magic items,' fucking hell..."

Yo elf is so fat, she lost her +2 DEX racial bonus.

>>17664201
AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHH

>yo elf is so fat, that everyone within a 1000 mile radius needs to make a balance DC15 check for whenever she takes a step.

Yo elf is so fat, she gives Tarrasque a heart attack.

>Yo elf is so fat, she gave a Gelatinous Cube a heart attack

>>17664255

I have made a realization that when you can recognize the artwork of some fetishist you don't even like at all, you've been on the internet far too long.

Don't forget the OOTS ones

Your elf is so fat she has to use a grapefruit for her miniature

Your elf is so fat she can't see her feats

Your elf is so fat her speed is listed as HELL NO

Yo elf is so fat, you have to roll on a random encounter table whenever you go around her.

Yo elf is so fat, she's got DR/15 exercise and liposuction.

Yo elf is so fat, her ass deals lethal bludgeoning damage... And her player has to empty a dice bag to roll it.

REJECTED: Yo elf is so fat, I am sexually attracted to her due to my debilitating fetish.

Yo elf is so fat, Giant-Types get +4 BAB and AC against HER

Yo elf is so fat, a wizard slapped her when she tried to learn the fly spell.

Yo Eldar is so fat she makes Nurgle look thin

>>17664357
Yo elf is so fat, you are considered a giant subtype and dwarfs therefore get a +4AC dodge bonus against you.

Yo elf is so fat, she's got 24 magic item slots.

Yo elf is so fat, a crit from a vorpal sword gets stuck halfway through her neck.

Yo ork is so fat and nasty he gets mistaken for a greater demon of Nurgle.

>>17664477
Correction, yo ork is so fat and nasty, HE'Z DA BOSS.

Yo elf is so fat, if she ate a portable hole it'd open a gate to the Astral Plane.

Yo elf is so fat, the West will diminish and go into her.

>>17663402
oh man, why do I find this so hilarious

Yo elf is so fat, her mouth IS a portable hole.

Yo elf is so fat, in dim light, he can't even see the end of him.

why does this thread make me hard?

>implying elves can get fat.

Yo elf is so fat, if somebody hides their lunch and she gets within five feet of it, she's entitled to a Search check as though she were actively looking for it.

>>17664726
>dem child-bearing hips

Yo elf is so fat, she counts a rolling boulder trap.
Yo elf is so fat, she doesn't preform blood magic, she preforms Gravy magic!
Yo elf is so fat, she calls a large dragon lunch
Yo elf is so fat, she has to use a circus tent as a mage robe.
Yo elf is so fat, she can't even fit into the dungeon.
Yo elf is so fat, they had to form a pathfinder guild just measure her waist.
Yo elf is so fat, she can fit every magical tattoo ever made on her stomach.

Your elf so fat, you need to roll a 20 just to move her

>>17664726
>implying they can't
elves are magic, they don't need to explain shit

Yo elf is so fat, she counts as difficult terrain.

>>17664744
And THAT is why elf men like human women.

Yo elf is so fat, she bullrushed a castle wall and won!

>>17664767
>"I attempt to eat the dragon."

Yo elf is so fat that the whale goes into HIM to find princess Ruto.

yo elf is so fat that a vampire bit her and got diabetes

This thread is making me want to play a fat elf the next time I play DnD

Yo elf is so fat, some drow thought her navel was an entrance to the Underdark and got lost in there for a month.

Yo elf so fat, the dungeon has to map her.

>>17663365
Am I a nerd because I laughed at almost all of these? I actually snorted hot chocolate out my nose.

Yo elf is so fat, she's got a whole goddamn splatbook with her own rules for environmental hazards, special monsters, and sites of interest on her body.

Yo elf is so fat, when the DM tried to the pull the 'rocks fall, everyone dies' trick, the rocks just bounced off her.

Yo elf is so fat, They almost wiped out all cattle just to get enough martial for her leather armour.

Yo elf is so fat, Gelatinous Cubes fear she'll eat them for desert

>>17664952
But yo elf is so fat, they had to bring out the "Yo Fat Elf Gazetteer"!

Yo Guardsmen so fat that ALL his weapon trainings count as heavy.

Yo elf is so fat, her ass takes a share of the XP.

Yo elf s fat, space marines wonder how she gets up stairs.

Yo elf is so dumb, before she charges she asks cash or credit first.

Yo elf is so dumb, when I suggested raising her AC she learned a new cold spell instead.

Yo elf is so fat, she can't use ioun stones cause her gravitational pull is too strong.

Yo elf is so fat, she needs a weapon with reach to hit anything.

Yo elf is so dirty, she falls prone in the mud and the mud needs a bath.

Yo Tau is so fat, she ate a devilfish APC with chips
Yo Tau is so fat, the empire dubbed her the 5th sphere
Yo Tau is so fat, she fights for the Greater Baked Goods.

Yo elf so fat, when she disarmed someone, she ate his arm.

Yo elf so fat, when she overruns, she always ends up running over.

>>17665190
Yeah, pretty much.

I remember once I went on there and 99% of the threads were people mary sueing it up about their goofy-ass Exalted characters and all of the shit they pulled off.

Yo elf is so fat, she tried losing weight by touching a Sphere of Annihilation and it didn't work.

Also, yo elf is so fat I ran out of worksafe fat elf pictures. So have this instead.

Yo elf is so ugly, when she used aid another she ended up blocking the enemy's attack entirely.

Yo elf is so fat, they had to build a tavern around her for the party to meet in.

Yo elf is so fat, I'd have to cast two disintegrate to kill her.

Yo elf is so fat, the BBEG had to call in every doppelganger in the kingdom to imitate her.

Yo elf is so fat, I'd end up preparing my spells twice just walking across her.

Yo elf is so fat, she counts as 3 whole sub-races of elf on her own.
Yo elf is so fat, WotC had to get NASA to take a picture of her the next book.

Yo guardsmen so fat, he gives titans cover saves.

Yo elf so fat it's impossible to flank her

Yo elf so fat they thinkin a' givin her the racial template "cholesterol giant"

Yo elf so fat she think "twenty sides" is what she get with dinner

Yo elf so fat buffets have force cages instead of sneeze guards now

Yo elf so fat she take up all nine squares in an alignment chart

Yo elf so fat her portrait gotta be drawn on the tactical map

Yo elf so fat her "mini" a oxymoron

Yo elf so fat all the half-elves in the world ain't equal her

Yo elf so fat she only a wood elf cause she thought they called "pie" trees.

Yo elf so fat if she use bull rush the earth get knocked into the sun

Yo elf is so fat they had to make a 5th edition just to hold all of her.

Yo elf is so fat when the DM asks for an alignment check he has to check her oil and change her tires too.

Yo elf is so fat she thinks "Chaotic Evil" is what happens about 20 minutes after she eats spicy wings.

Yo elf is so fat, when the rust monster destroyed her belt, it died the next round from an unarmed attack of opportunity.

Yo elf is so fat, her footsteps deal falling damage.

Yo elf is so fat, there's a minotaur in her intestinal tract.

Yo kobold so stupid he went to the Phillippines to research traps.

Yo elf is so fat, when your GM tried to progress the story with fast travel he couldn't.

Yo elf is so fat, she leaves foot prints walking through the astral plane.

Yo elf is so fat, she uses horde rules.

Yo elf is so fat, Wave of Slime OHKOs her.

Yo elf is so fat, it took a whole college of wizards to cast feather fall on her.

Yo investigator is so fat, whenever he manages to move under his own power, everyone has to roll for SAN loss.

Methinks this needs to be archived.

Yo investigator is so fat, he foiled the Old Ones on accident when his gravity pulled the stars out of alignment.

You elf so fat she spans 3 editions.

Yo elf is so fat, the GM had to tear out the encumbrance rules.

>>17665746
It already is.

Yo elf is so fat, when she wears half plate, it counts as one-eighth plate.

Yo elf is so fat, when she Plane Shifted to Baator it all collapsed into one layer.

Yo elf is so fat, she progressed to the 9th layer of hell by breaking through the floor of the other ones.

yo elf so fat, when she visits the abyss she on all layers

Planescape edition

Yo elf is so fat she ate Sigil as a donut

Yo elf is so fat the Lady of Pain can't cast a shadow over her

Yo elf is so fat, Otto's Irresistable Dance is a save or die spell for her.

Yo elf is so fat, she tried casting enlarge person on herself and that was the end of the campaign.

Yo elf is so fat, she has to cast polymorph on herself to fit into her old jeans.

Yo elf is so fat, she has to go to Mechanus to weigh herself.

Yo elf so fat she takes a tumble check for every move.
Yo elf so fat she's her own knowledge skill.
Yo elf so fat she automatically casts enlarged spells.

Yo elf is so fat that when she visited Mechancus, the whole damn thing ground to a halt.

Yo elf is so dumb, when she wants to cast a geass on someone, she puts a water fowl on them.

Yo elf is so fat, when she used Plane Shift to go to Celestia, the petitioners confused her for the mountain.

>>17665926
the fuck is up with that pic?

Yo elf is so fat, her blubber gives her a take 20 on all swim tests to stay afloat.

>>17665973
Every hentai comic under the sun.

Yo elf is so fat, when she Plane Shifted to Bytopia she touched both layers.

Yo elf is so fat, she has to wait until night to cast Shadow Walk.

>>17665992
ah. okay. it would seem I have much more to read

Yo elf is so fat, when incorporeal local sea levels drop five meters.

Yo elf is so fat, when she died and became a ghost she was still corporeal.

Yo elf is so fat she blocks the vision of Scry spells.

Yo elf is so fat, it takes casting Heroes’ Feast to feed her every meal.

>>17666024
how in the actual fuck did that get published

>>17666028
>>17665992
>>17665926

Your next character must be inspired by one of the speech bubbles from that image.
Describe him/her.

Yo elf is so fat, she cast Tiny Hut just for herself but still couldn't fit inside.

Yo investigator so fat, he make y'gonlonac look skinny.

Yo elf is so fat, she uses a handy haversack as a lunchbox.

>>17666141
...
I thought about it and it makes me cringe

Yo elf is so fat, even on a natural 20 the GM wouldn't let her pass a jump check.

Yo Battle Sister is so fat, she uses her meltagun as a BBQ
Yo Battle Sister is so fat, she gets stuck walking through a Hiveworld
Yo Battle Sister is so fat, it took a squad of space marines to lift her ass off the floor
Yo Battle Sister is so fat, her ass counts as 3 heavy support choices
Yo Battle Sister is so fat, she asks for the Emperor's blessing with a side of fries
Yo Battle Sister is so fat, when she crushes an uprising, she REALLY crushes an uprising
Yo Battle Sister is so fat, I had to draw you this picture to show how fat she is

Shadowrun edition !

Yo elf is so fat she needs troll seats
Yo elf is so fat she has eight essence
Yo elf is so fat she's her own megacorporation
Yo elf is so fat they had to make a second arcology for her
Yo elf is so fat it takes a minute for a decker to go from her head jack to her toes
Yo elf is so fat Dunkelzahn asked in his legacy to give her a workout.

>>17666190

What's the source of that?

On an unrelated note, yo eldar so fat, she took up all the space on her craftworld's infinity circuit.

Yo elf is so fat, she mated with a human and made a three-quarters elf.

Yo elf is so fat, flankers gotta use Sending to get their bonus.

Yo elf is so fat, the Enlarge Person spell made her smaller.

Yo elf is so fat, if you use Discern Location to find her, the answer comes back "Really?"

Yo elf is so fat she went to the Elemental Plane of Air and filled it up.

Yo elf is so fat, she needs to cast Scry to see her feet.

Yo elf is so fat, she has to cast Fly to get out of bed.

Yo elf is so fat, she can only be effected by spells with Mass in the name.

>>17666115
It's from one of those Electric Company comics Marvel did in the 60's or 70's or so. Marvel did a lot of comics like that.

I'll admit, I read most of these in Macho Man's voice

Yo elf is so fat, an evil wizard cast Trap the Soul on her and she couldn't fit in the gem.

>>17666288
http://maze.icomix.com/comicpage/index1.html

It updates rather infrequently, though. Or at least it did when I last checked.

Yo elf so fat... that's it... that's the joke. Go home.

Yo elf is so fat, she has her familiar reach into her spell components pouch for her.

> And the gem exploded

Fixed.

Yo elf is so fat, when she bleeds, she casts a grease spell
Yo elf is so fat, WotC had to invent a new size category just for her
Yo elf is so fat, so could cast fly on herself and hire herself out as a airship

Yo elf is so fat she went to all nine levels of Baator at the same time.

>these fat elf pics
whyboner.iso

Yo elf so fat, some dwarves went spelunking in her naval and came out with a cart of diamonds.

Yo elf so fat she thought a gelatinous cube contained corned beef.

Yo Elf is so fat, people don't ask 'why boner?' They ask 'Why Burger?"

Yo elf is so fat, she can fight in 3 encounters at once
Yo elf is so fat, she uses she greatsword a streak knife
Yo elf is so fat, she drinks her healing potions with shipped cream.
Yo elf is so fat, if she queen, she whole kingdom would used as her throne.
Yo elf is so fat, it reminds me that at some point I should get back to writing that story about the fat knights who launch themself at castles like cannonballs

Yo Emprah so fat, he secretly eats 1000 FAT psykers everyday to fuel the ASStronomicon!

You know, this begs the question of why there seemingly can't be elves with even the slightest bit of fat on them. I mean, surely they can't all be stick thin.

Or maybe it's just the poorer populace that's so thin and being heavier is a sign of wealth, like it was way back when.

>>17667318
Elves are always skinny, because they must spend every spare moment working out.

Which explains how, with their multi-century lifespans, they don't create any technological advancements or anything.

>>17667318
>>17667351
I thought it was because it made them look willowly and ghost like

Through my personal canon says that Elves are major chubby chasers

Yo elf is so fat, she can retrieve stored items from under her rolls as a swift action.

>>17667419
Yo elf is so fat, she found a useful feature for her fat?

Er..good for her?

Yo elf is so fat the last time she jump and landed everybody around 500 miles thought and arch wizard cast a meteor storm improved with metamagic feats.
Yo elf so fat when she plane shifted to a layer of the Abyss the demon lord of obessity thougth he he was loosing weight.
Yo elf is so fat dragons of an entire continet use her as an incubator.
Yo elf is so fat fomorian giants want to marry her.
Yo elf is so fat she needs a levitation spell for move around, saddly there is not enough arcane energy in the multiverse for such epic deed.
Yo elf is so fat there is a Kobold metropolis on her butt, a gnome city on her breasts and a ogre kingdom on her belly fat rolls.