>>18328384
An old man, you notice, has brought out a stool. He places it in front of the teachers' table and sets a battered hat on top of it. It is properly torn up, you notice, why, that tear almost looks like a mouth.

Oh look. It is.

The tear opens wider and starts to sing in a dry, clothy voice, You tune out most of the hat's ramblings (oh he's the Sorting Hat and he's okay, he sleeps all year and he works one day) and focus on the parts about the Houses.

Hufflepuff, for those loyal and kind, willing to do what it takes to help a friend.

Slytherin, for those clever and ruthless, willing to stop at nothing to achieve what they want.

Ravenclaw, for those intelligent and curious, willing to uncover the greatest secrets in the name of knowledge.

And finally, Gryffindor, for those brave and fierce, willing to do what they think is right, no matter what cost.

The hat concludes, and the old man starts calling out names, the students around you walking to the stool and reverently placing the hat on their heads. After a few moments, the hat calls out the name of one of the Houses.

Simple, right?

And soon:

"Hussein, Thale!"

You approach the hat, and slowly lower it onto your head.

"Well, my boy. Nothing to say for yourself?" The voice of the hat, clothy and dry resounds through your head.

Indeed, how to introduce yourself, young master Thale?

Previous threads may be found at

>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Hogwarts%20Quest

We start as soon as you're ready.

Please tell me that we're an Animagus who can turn into a camel.

Also, are you sure that Pakis are allowed into Hogwarts? I mean, they probably only started letting the Irish in a decade or two ago.

>Hogwarts quest

HERE WE GO

>>18328419
Soon.

You're only eleven at the moment.

But soon.

And hell, if they let Indians in, why not Arabs?

are we some kind of exchange student or something? because we should have our own school in Baghdad with Djinn and stuff.

Shameless bump for publicity.

>>18328495
No. You used to live in someplace undefined with your oil sheik of a father, but then he, and the rest of your family, were rather blown up.

Now you live at an orphanage, with nuns and whatnot. Or used to, at any rate.

(And you also seem to really fucking hate djinn.)

>>18328419
They used to. Affirmative action hit them hard about no black kids, so they're preemptively letting in other nationalities to beat the courts.

rolled 63 = 63

We should be polite with the demonic hat for now, just present yourself as Thale Hussein, ask how he's been and how does this sorting thing works.

>>18328393
Do you want a camel? Slightly used, only driven by little old man to the mosque on friday's?
Or;
I am Thale, Meteor of the East, remember this name, for you shall hear it long after I am gone.

Overall, Ravenclaw seems a good choice.
Take back the cultural gift of knowledge the middle east had

"What manner of fiendish artefact are you, hat? Allah himself will cleanse the world of your taint soon enough.

personality wise slytherin seems to fit us best

>>18328393
We're obviously Slytherin, for we will stop at nothing to give our customers the most fabulous deals on slightly used camels they will ever see, and to always have an appropriate camel prepared for any situation.

>>18328605
But that still means the camel was making at least five round trips per week.

>>18328602
>>18328605
You attempt to project your thoughts towards the hat. Of course, only one thing is on your mind at the moment...

"Hello my friend. May I interest you in a slightly used camel? Better than new! Only ever ridden by old man to mosque!"

You can feel the hat snort in disbelief inside your mind. It feels decidedly undescribable, like the sound of a camel's snort. But in your head.

"I must say, I've never been propositioned quite like that, my boy. And hold still, I need to Sort you."

"Actually, Mr Hat, I've been meaning to ask just how that works."

"Shut up, boy." You feel the hat's dry mind probing your personality. Another bizarre feeling. Too many of these, lately.

"My word. You're about as even as anyone I've ever Sorted."

"And what does that mean, sir."

"It means pick a House, I'll not be dealing with this."

(This is the cue for you all to decide a House. I close voting in five minutes, whatever's highest has it. Choose wisely.)

>>18328741
I don't think the hat would know that. We aren't lying to it, just not telling the whole truth.

>>18328750
Gryffindor. Just to spite the Djinn Slut.

rolled 27 = 27

>>18328779
And here's my roll.

rolled 40 = 40

>>18328750
Hufflepuff! All the world are your customers and/or slaves, and all your customers and/or slaves are your friends!

>>18328796
No rolls.

Democracy and shit.

(Current votes: Two for Slytherin, one for all the rest.)

rolled 16 = 16

>>18328750

What would Thale choose belief-wise? I'm thinking Hufflepuff but I'm no expert, any muslim bro who could enlighten us?

Anyway, voting Hufflepuff because fuck yeah Hufflepuff

>>18328779
I cast my 5 slaves 3 votes for this guy.

Hufflepuff all up in this in this motherfucker!!!

Sorry, I've been saving this for like months....

rolled 52 = 52

>>18328818
In that case, i vote Hufflepuff. They've always gotten short shrift, and the thought of The Dark- No, Swarthy Used Camel Salesman from Hufflepuff defeating the Dark Lord from Slytherin is hilarious.

>>18328818
Hufflepuff all day

>>18328818
Thought you meant for us to roll by the highest statement. Sorry.

'Kay, that's five for Hufflepuff, two Slythy, two Gryffindor, and one Ravenclaw. One minute remains, by my reckoning.

>>18328750
Slytherin.

>>18328847
Hufflepuff is reserved for when we play a Commie inciting the magical proletariat to revolution, not a budding member of the petits-bourgeoisie.

I say Ravenclaw- they've got to have books on Islam and salesmanship, perfect for Hussain!

Dammit I need to sleep and I'm only now realising Methods of Rationality updated.

Also, /tg/ is Ironic Hipster Hufflepuff? I thought better of you.

Slytherin!

>>18328954
Dunno about the rest, but I really pity the House (>>18328847 here, don't count this vote twice); they were always held up as a joke, when their themes of friendship and togetherness would've suited Harry better.

Also, theit logo animal is a damn badger, and that's always worth points in my book.

>>18329009

>Also, theit logo animal is a damn badger, and that's always worth points in my book.

It's that time again!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

Slytherine All day.

"I shall have Hufflepuff, demonic hat."

"And so you shall. HUFFLEPUFF!" The hat bellows that last bit, and one of the four tables in front of you starts clapping animatedly. You look down at your robes, and find them shifting colour to yellow trim. You walk over to the clapping table, where several older boys clap you on the back and find you a seat.

"Welcome to Hufflepuff, Thale!" One of them says, and you notice a silver badge on the lapel of his robes. "I'm the prefect, Aldous Ambrose."

"Pleasure to meet, you, Aldous."

The rest of the first-years are Sorted, with several other new Hufflepuffs joining you. You clap along with the rest of the table, and then the feast is served.

Holy shit, that feast. Needless to say, you find everything to be excellent, and are quickly sated. And then the djinn-slut stands and makes more noise.

"As you all know, Professor Rockheel passed away last year in a tragic accident with a troll and a goat. Please welcome our new Transfiguration professor, Professor Isaac Ashcroft!"

The young man you sold a camel to on the train stands and waves, but promptly seats himself. Not one for the public eye, you decide.

"And also, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Professor Samuel Jones!"

A tall man stands. His poise reminds you of the soldiers that used to work for your father, and you note that he seems to be wearing robes of an almost military cut.

The children at your table begin whispering to one another with gusto. Shall you join them?

>>18328954
Ain't no ironic hipster about our Hufflepuff, boy.

But yeah, I'm pleasantly surprised by the MoR update myself.

rolled 73 = 73

>>18329089
Yes. We must attempt to blend in to their demonic home.

rolled 58 = 58

>>18329089

We will just hear, maybe learn more about this castle and the other children.

Besides we don't really have anything to say since we don't know anything.

Never! Unlike these weak-willed Western lapdogs, Thale Hussein knows the value of discipline. We shall sit in silence and observe the conversation of the Western dogs, that we might better know their weakness when the time to overthrow this den of sorcery in the name of glorious Allah arrives.

>>18329127

Although, saying that, they at least have respect for the concept of hospitality.

>see this thread
>i wonder whats-
>hufflepuff
HOW BETA DO YOU EVEN HAVE TO BE?!

>>18329223
I'd have preferred Slytherin, myself, but Hufflepuff should be amusing if only for how much of a mismatch it is.

>>18329223

>>18329223
Our new task is to convert all of Hufflepuff to Islam and establish a caliphate inside the school itself.

This house will never be seen as cutesy bullshit again once we're done with it.

Hufflepuff...

Such an inglorious start for the meteor.

We even picked up on the traits of the house. "Loyal and kind" vs. "Clever and Ruthless".

But wait, the goals are even better.
"Willing to do whatever it takes to help a friend" vs. "Willing to stop at nothing to achieve what they want".

Fucking clear choice and /tg/ practically ponyfags out.

>>18329301
>>18329236

If it's really that big of an issue, I can take another vote and retcon the Hufflepuff thing.

>>18329301
Our best friend is ourself.

>>18329254
We will turn the lot of them into Islamic jurists, and watch as they become unable to ever agree with each other again.

>>18329367

I like that we are Hufflepuff, but if enough people are against it I guess there's nothing I can do about it.

Also, we really need someone who can make good speeches for some Drunk-style Thale.

>>18329394

Our best friend is Allah

>>18329367
Hufflepuff prides hard work, loyalty, patience, and honesty. You know what else embodies those traits, that's right, FUCKING CAMELS. We aren't going to be pussy Hufflepuff, our nose will be to the grindstone and we will work hard and be a name known to all. People will all know that our camels are to be trusted just like us.

>>18329367

>>18329301 here, Nah... That hat, woven from the threads of whores hair, shall fall beneath the sword of the righteous for it's insults in due time.

You decide against engaging in with the rest of your new House, but listen in, rather inevitably.

"I heard the new Defense professor is an American!"

"Yeah, and that Ashcroft bloke's barely eighteen!"

"Blimey, guffaw, etcetera."

Over the whispers of your classmates, you learn that the American, Jones, is in fact Lieutenant Jones of the Tactical Hocuspocus Artillery Unit, of the American Ministry of Magic. And also apparently a bit of a nut (as in, was seemingly responsible for Three Mile Island.)

Furthermore, Professor Ashcroft is some kind of prodigy, with his first publications by the time he was twelve. He and Professor McGonagall are something of rivals in the academic world, you note. Good, anything to aggravate the Great Western Whore.

The whispered conversation eventually concludes, and the students of Hogwarts are dismissed to their dormitories. Aldous leads the first-years down through the corridors and into a narrow hallway, guarded by a massive suit of armour.

Aldous spins around and addresses you and your classmates. "This, this is Sir Huge. He protects the entrance into the Hufflepuff Common Room. Now, the password for September is going to be 'Orville Wright', do you all understand?"

As he says the password, Sir Huge animates and steps aside from the corridor, which the prefect leads you all down and into the Common Room. A huge, low-ceilinged and exceedingly comfortable chamber, lined in yellow and black. Aldous leads you through a few tunnels into the first-year boys' dormitory, and you find all your possesions already unpacked.

The other boys in your year all look at one another rather awkwardly.

Care to be the one to break the ice?

>>18329367
Eh, whatever. Hufflepuff can be made to work.

Our glorious crusade against vile sorcery shall rage outward from this House, and the banner of the badger shall fly over the ruined dens of heretics and nonbelievers alike.

All shall look upon the badger, laughingstock of the magical world, and tremble.

>>18329478

"Greetings. I assume it is too much to hope for that any of you have found the glorious light that is the great wisdom of Allah's teachings?"

>>18329553

This is a good way to begin, let's do this.


By the way, since we are muggleborn (I think), how much do we know about the non magical world? Apart from Islam of course.

>>18329301
>hey guys I don't get it
>you all must be retarded, he should go where his personality is a match; not where it would be the most fun to quest in, where he as a character can influence the most people, etc.

>>18329598
We know that it is woefully lacking in camels, and seek to rectify this deficiency at every turn.

>>18329553
Also, ask if any of them need a better than new slightly used camel.

Isn't Hogwarts a regional school, like Durmstrang or the American Witch Institute?

>>18329710
Yep.

>>18328826
>What would Thale choose belief-wise? I'm thinking Hufflepuff but I'm no expert, any muslim bro who could enlighten us?

This is a moot point now but anything except Slytherin works.
Though you guys are playing a bat-shit insane character, so even that could have worked for him.

>>18329553
"Greetings. I assume it is too much to hope for that any of you have found the glorious light that is the great wisdom of Allah's teachings?"

The other boy's stare at you as if you had just admitted to being able fire small birds from your nostrils.

"What's an Allah?" A sandy-haired heathen asks.

"It is unimportant," you say "More to the point, does anyone here find themselves in need of a better than new camel?"

The boys roll their eyes, but by the end of the night, you've actually managed to sell one camel of excellent quality to a Mr Albert Ambrose, nephew to Aldous.

Albert strikes you as a nice fellow, a tad naive, perhaps, but sure to be a useful asset. Of more interest is another sharp-witted mage like yourself, Mr Bertrand Blackadder, and the young Cockney blasphemer of sandy hair, Thomas Highman. You also meet Ted Lupin, who's something called a Metamorphmagus, able to change his appearance at will.

Your classmates soon grow tired of the conversations, and you all make for sleep and beds. Tomorrow, Defense against the Dark Arts and your first day as a proper student.

Do we even HAVE camels to sell?

Or is that unimportant?

>>18329834
Sorry guys, but I need to cut this off early tonight. I'll be back on Saturday, around seven-thirty. Archivist, (if you're there) this is installment three.

Sorry again for the early leave. Hopefully longer next time, eh?

>>18329851

I've been running with the assumption that are family owns huge herds of camels, and we make a killing selling them. Or something like that.

>>18329854

Good night OP

Ted Lupin? Excellent.

We shall use him to leverage our influence with the greatest force of the wizarding world, Harry Potter himself. Even protagonists shall know Allah's majestic splendor.

>>18329875
we are an orphan iirc

Fuck yea. Anyone who wanted any other house then hufflepuff is true beta who needs to hide behind a name. Thankfully Thale is wise and knows how to correctly enact the will of Allah.

>>18329642

Not going to insult the majority of the Hufflepuff supporters, but you sir are a faggot.

There's RP in every house, I only advocated the house that fit our tone the best so far. Demanding and imperious would result in quite a bit of RP potential from the like-minded Slytherins.

If you're too short-sighted to see that, then my post will mean nothing regardless.

>>18329834
>Mr Bertrand Blackadder
>Blackadder
oh boy