>>18340884
As you return from a day of hunting (only six Dire Wolves, you're having an off day), you come home and look up at the Ancestral Weapon you put up above the hearth. What kind of weapon is it?
>Hammer
>Axe
>Sword
>Spear
>Other?

Yes... continue...

>>18340892
it is not a weapon, it is a rock that we practice our punching on.
the only weapon we need is our body

>>18340892
A living weapon, which takes different shapes as it pleases. At the moment, it is a hammer, shaped like a large unicorn figurine attached to a bolt of lightning.

We have been told it is a gift of Loki. Hell, it might even BE Loki.

AXE

Dual wield axe.

An axe in each hand.

A BESERKER, BY THUNDER!

>>18340946

sounds good to me.

Three for Axes
Two for Loki
One for Rock

Awaiting consensus.

If we're the "last" of the vikings, then we've long since entered Scandinavia's feudal period. Couldn't we just offer our services to the King of Norway, Sigurd I, and go on Crusade against the infidel Saracens?

Definitely some sort of axe.

Either one huge one, or two smaller ones.

Wouldn't it make more sense for us to roll for it?

1d20, for example, and the highest gets chosen? It'll be faster that way.

THE ROCK THE ROCK

Biggest motherfucking axe they could find.

>>18341013
You know of no living Kings, nor of a place called 'Scandinavia'. You assume that there are kings out there, somewhere. But you know not their names or their lands.

>>18341035
I like consensus, but I guess you're right.

Roll 1d100, the highest of the first three different ideas gets it.
Disclaimer: I reserve the right to ignore rolls if I think one option will fit better narratively. Or is just really cool.

>>18341019
>>18341043

WE DONT NEED WEAPONS, ONLY OUR FISTS
WE MUST BECOME THE NEW HERAKLES

rolled 8 = 8

>>18341053
Loki.

rolled 51 = 51

Two axes and no armour except for your helmet and leather trousers!

rolled 82 = 82

rolling for the fists/rock

rolled 64 = 64

ROLLING FOR FISTS

rolled 2 = 2

Leather gloves with slabs of steel over the knuckles!

rolled 94 = 94

Another roll for fists. The idea is too great.

>>18341069
Ah, the good ol' punching stone. Inscribed with the runes of the forgotten language of your people. Well, forgotten to anyone but you that is. By punching the rock repeatedly for your entire life, the runes have become permanently imprinted on your fists.
What sort of enchantment do the runes give?

Roll 1d100, highest of the first FIVE ideas gets it.

Loki for the win and inevitable betrayal!

rolled 57 = 57

They shatter armour and the toughest of hides!

>>18341060

HERAKLES IS A SOUTHRON WEAKLING WHO CAN'T HANDLE A BIT OF COLD. THAT BEING SAID, PUNCHING SOLVES EVERYTHING.

>>18341069
Fists win I guess. Awesome now we can be the king of Sweden himself, Robbaz.

>>18341108
they ignore magical protection of all kinds

rolled 13 = 13

EVERYTHING WE PUNCH TURNS TO ALE AND WHORES

ON MORE SERIOUS NOTE, THE RUNES CAUSE OUR ENEMIES TO LIGHT ON FIRE, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME GRANTING US IMMUNITY TO FIRE

rolled 5 = 5

>>18341136
forgot dice, derp

Waiting for two more ideas.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qq8W3rur7xc

Here, have some atmosphere.

rolled 85 = 85

It makes us able to punch through ANYTHING yet we are still limited to our arms reach.

rolled 62 = 62

Once they start moving, they are unstoppable.

Basically, Juggernaut fists.

rolled 89 = 89

>>18341108
Runes of knowledge/power.
Every sentient being we punch we absorb some of it's knowledge which further increases their power to smash things.
This power is optional and at-will.
But they have a drawback, if used too often it can induce mild amnesia or hallucinations.

rolled 18 = 18

>>18341158

They allow us to create ghost hands that fit over our fists and allow us to punch harder, farther, and intangible things.

rolled 98 = 98

He [and his people] punches or has punched with the force of cannons, which incidentally led to it's hasty invention in the high seas

rolled 33 = 33

>>18341108

Ice, such that our enemies freeze and shatter under our blows.

>>18341161
That's right, the runes say: "UNSTOPPABLE". It was something your brother Aemar gave to you before he left for battle. You could barely lift it you were so little.

You leave the wolf pelts in a stack by the door, maybe you'll make a cloak or something - but not today. Today is one of those days where you look upon your home and see only emptiness. The fire is hot, yet the room is still some how cold. Your bed is large, and soft, but it still feels empty.

Well, you do have The Trophy. Looking at that always cheers you up a little. The last piece remaining of a great creature you slew when you came of age - what was it?

Same as before, 1d100, highest of the first five ideas gets it.

rolled 31 = 31

>>18341208

A mime.

A sea mime

rolled 1 = 1

A piece of the soul beetle's carapace. You can sometimes hear the screams of the souls once trapped still echoing inside of it. It is your favorite lullaby.

rolled 98 = 98

The bare skull of the Albino Wulf, an 8 foot long terror that slaughtered hundreds of the lesser wulfs, boors and mammoths.

If you examine it closely you can see it was shattered into hundreds of shards by your mighty blow, and painstakingly assembled over the long months of Sun's Death.

rolled 98 = 98

>>18341208
A deer. An epic deer, the fastest and most cautious this land has seen in decades.

rolled 25 = 25

A TOOTH FROM THE GREAT BEAR THAT WE SLEW AS A CHILD

>>18341239
>>18341245

Damn. Guess it's down to your choice, OP.

rolled 59 = 59

a gigantic ice troll with three horns and 4 arms.

>>18341239
You stalked the Albino Dire Wulf for a week across the tundra, all the way to the mountain of fire where the two of you fought for your lives. In the end, you proved yourself victorious, and won the respect of the monsters. Now THAT was a day you knew would have made Aemar proud.

It's still some hours before sunset, what do you do?
>Hang out with one of your neighbors (which one?)
>Go fishing
>Go drinking
>Other ?

>>18341208
a mighty wyvrn slain durring our coming of age ritual. the beast burst into the ritual and ate the bear we were supposed to kill.

Go have a talk with Ser Bearington, maybe he can help us with our emotional quandaries.

rolled 84 = 84

>>18341303
hang out with ser bearington

and, that's the last from me tonight, it's time to go to sleep. unless the war council starts
good night, guys

rolled 69 = 69

>>18341303

ALL THREE AT ONCE.

We go fishing with our neighbour and greatest friend Askrigg and bring a barrel of mead each, so we can sing and drink our way into the night, while catch the Teeth Fish that live in these waters.

We can work on our technique by throwing the still living fish at each other and PUNCHING THEM.

>>18341347

Forgot to say Askrigg is a Frost Giant.

>>18341346
You decide to go and drink with your surrogate father, Ser Bearington. His home is the Mead Hall, Bearot. He's always been there for you whenever you had problems before, maybe he'll know what you should do now.

You trudge outside, noting that the weather is pretty nice for this time of year. It's only two feet of snow instead of three. You make your way up the cliff side to Bearot, and push open the giant door. It looks like it always has for as long as you can remember: a dimly lit cave. Makes sense for a bear you figure.

At the far side of the hall is Ser Bearington, wearing his strange finery from another land. "Ah, who is that who comes to my hall? I cannot see so well any more."

Oh right, he likes people to announce themselves. Makes him feel more important. What was your full name again?

You still here, OP?

Thoris Hammerfist!

rolled 18 = 18

>>18341436

Forgot to roll.

rolled 42 = 42

>>18341417

HFRAN ADORJÁN.

>>18341422
Keep yer pants on, it was less than ten minutes. Most people take even longer, Writer-Dude of Dragon Quest took like a full hour between posts.

Waiting for some more rolls

rolled 51 = 51

Dravsi Dorfsson

rolled 2 = 2

Alki Foecrusher

rolled 18 = 18

>>18341417
URIST MCHAMMERFIST

rolled 18 = 18

>>18341611

This.

rolled 79 = 79

>>18341632
WHY U NO LIKE URIST MCHAMMERFIST DICE GODS?

>>18341648
Huh.
Third times the charm, I guess.

rolled 39 = 39

Alkor Ironfist

"URIST MCHAMMERFIST HAS COME TO SHARE YOUR MEAD AND YOUR COMPANY IF YOU WOULD HAVE HIM!" you recite, bellowing loudly enough to echo off the walls.

"Urist! Come and sit and drink!" he motions for you to come in and pours you a horn of mead. The table is one solid slab of stone, fifty feet long. You know because you helped set it into place after the last one broke.
You drink from the horn and exchange plesantries with Bearington for awhile before he asks, "So, Urist, what is it that's troubling you?"

"I am the last of the Vikings. The blood of my fathers cries out at me every night to take a woman to bear me a son, but there are none! I've seen all of the Land of Ice, but never have I seen a mortal woman." you lament to him.

rolled 8 = 8

Thorkell Draugadrottinn

>>18341693
"Hrmm. Yes, I believe I understand." he gets up, and does his weird bear-waddle where he walks on two legs over to a chest where he pulls out a scroll. He lies it out before you and unrolls it, revealing a map.

"You must travel across the seas to the Summer Lands, Urist. There are many mortals there, surely you will find a suitable wife among them." he explains.

"I will still need a ship..." you ponder absently, your mind conjuring images of many comely maids.

"Take mine then." Bearington says, "I haven't used the damn thing in, oh, twenty years now. Take the map too, you'll need it."

You examine the map more closely. It seems there are three places in the Summerlands where you might try, but which one?

>Honeyvale, land of lush fields and fertile valleys.
>Surewood, a seemingly endless forest.
>Damalon Port, the only major city on the map.

>>18341693
HELL YES! I finally did something game changing in a quest!

>>18341738
Damalon. Seems like the best starting point.

rolled 20 = 20

>>18341738

The woods!

rolled 54 = 54

Honeyvale!

Surely there will be plenty of settlements there for us to find a nice girl who enjoys the simple life. None of those fancy city-girls.

Plus there will be hunting and adventure for us to test our fists against.

rolled 86 = 86

The woods
any woman who can survive there will make a worthy wife indeed

rolled 10, 9, 7, 2, 5, 10 = 43

Don't mind me, just rolling some DM stuff.

>>18341817
The dice gods hath spoke. To the forest, we shall find a wench there

>>18341837
Holy crap

>>18341848
What? Is it bad?

>>18341837
is that how many wolves we have killed along the way?

>>18341837

Why do I get the feeling that was either 6d10s or 6d100s?

>>18341817
You point to Surewood, "Any woman who can survive there will make a worthy wife indeed!" you proclaim. Ser Bearington leans forward and looks through that glass thing on a chain. "Mmyes, I do agree. Do be careful though, Summerland women are quite fragile. I'll have the ship prepared for you departure on the 'morrow. Until then lad, go say your goodbyes and get some rest. I assure you, you'll need it for the journey ahead."

Is there anyone in particular you decide to go see?
>Siren Sorrority
>The Jotun couple
>Minotaur
>Dragon

>>18341856
GUESS YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO FIND OUT : D

>>18341885
Nope. Good guess though.

>>18341904
d10's, you can tell by mousing over the name.

>>18341905
Jotuns. Or our harem(I assume) at the sorority.

rolled 11 = 11

>>18341930
I'll roll.

rolled 9 = 9

We go to see our other good friend the Minotaur.

He has always been kind to us, and we owe him the respect of telling him about our journey.

we arrange for a feast in which we say our farewells to all our friends.

rolled 53 = 53

>>18341905
the Jotun couple.

>>18341964
It's supposed to be:
dice+1d100

rolled 49 = 49

>>18341979

rightyo.

rolled 40 = 40

>>18341968
the jotun couple have always been kind, even if the husband and I have been sworn nemesis since your childhood. after our battles the with each other his wife would make us both soup and we'd start again the next day.

>>18341930
Sadly, no harem. They taught you to be comfortable with a woman certainly, but sadly, Sirens can only bear more Siren daughters. If the viking lineage is to continue, you require at least one son.

>>18341968
You resolve to go see the Jotuns, Askrigg and his wife Frimelda. They always gave you fresh fish when you were a kid.

They of course, live in a glacier. As you walk the winding journey of tunnels through the ice to their home, you spot Frimelda tending to her mushroom farm just outside the living area proper. A lovely blue woman with white hair, she stands a good fourteen and a half feet tall. Even as a man, she still thinks of you as a child for this reason. "Urist, dear! A pleasure to see you as always!"

SHE TURNS AND STARTS SHOOTING DEADLY ICICLES AT YOU FROM HER FINGERTIPS! ROLL 1d100 FOR COMBAT!
Taking best of the first five rolls!

rolled 100 = 100

>>18342063
D'aww! She loves us!

rolled 93 = 93

>>18342063

PUNCH THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE ICICLES AND HIT HER IN THE CHEST.

Not as hard as we can though, we're not aiming to kill her. Just rough her up a bit.

A casual bit of bantering combat.

>MFW Nat 100 is first roll.

rolled 29 = 29

>>18342063
I've been rolling bad the entire game. I hope this one's good. We jump up on the icicles and run up them to bear-hug her head.

rolled 27 = 27

>>18342063
punch the icicles out of the air!
"YOU SHALL NOT BEST ME!"

rolled 17 = 17

>>18342063
PUNCH THAT SHIT LIKE ITS BOOM BOOM ROCKET

rolled 24 = 24

Roll em

>>18342081
>nat 100
"MY FIST IS OF THE NORTH STAR!" you cry, and punch every single one of the icicles flawlessly out of the air. Despite their incredible speed, your fists are a blur as you perfectly center each punch on the literal dozens of them headed at you. You even punch the ones that wouldn't have hit you at all for good measure, then follow it up by charging straight at her and punching her square in the stomach.

BUT SHE GRABS YOUR ARM BEFORE IT CAN CONNECT AND BRINGS YOU INTO A CRUSHING BEAR HUG!

Or rather, it would be crushing if it weren't for the fact that she was squeezing you into her rather impressive and deceptively soft bust.

WAT DO?

>>18342154
>>18342126
>>18342113
>>18342110


OH SHI...

rolled 25 = 25

>>18342166
receive motherly hug, then ask where her husband is.

>>18342166
Receive hugs and fish snacks.
Tell her we're leaving. Tell her we'll miss her. Tell her we'll be back once we found a wife.

rolled 60 = 60

>>18342212
Forgot to roll.

rolled 17 = 17

>>18342212

This.

Keep it short and simple. Ask if we can see Askrigg before I leave, as he's been a good man to us.

rolled 100 = 100

Waiting on Stos...

You return the hug as best you can for a moment before saying, "Kmmff ah shff urrf hfffbfff?"
Realizing that you can't actually breathe, she lets you go.

You're still not certain how a frost giantess can be so warm or soft.

"What did you say, dear?"
"I asked, may I see your husband? I'm leaving tomorrow morning on a quest. I wanted to tell you both, and that I'll miss you."
"Oh! Of course, of course!" she leads you down to the living area proper. "But what are you leaving for?"

"A wife." you reply simply. "Ah a wife, how romantic." she swoons. "But dear, you really should just let me set you up with my daughter, Maya."
Maya was your childhood friend. A frost giantess a few years older than yourself. You're pretty sure she had a crush on you. She left on her on quest a few years ago to kill a Fire Giant.

You see Askrigg before you can protest, and explain the situation to him. He offers you a strong handshake and a nod of approval, but only tells you two words, "Good luck."
For manly men such as Askrigg and yourself, that's all you need to convey the depth of your emotions.

>>18342335
Are the dice gods just fucking with us now?

rolled 73 = 73

>>18342346

yes, yes they are.

>>18342335
IN MY DAY I WAITED TWO WHOLE HOURS BETWEEN QUEST POSTS AND I THANKED THE DICE GODS FOR THE OPPORTUNITY, IN THE SNOW, UP HILL, BOTH WAYS wait what was I saying again?

>>18342342
The Jotuns give you a gift of dried meats for your journey, enough to last you a week.

You think you have enough time to see one more person before you have to bed down for the night, who will it be?

>Minotaur
>Dragon
>Siren Sorority

rolled 40 = 40

lets go say good bye to our dragon friend he always was a likable fellow

rolled 13 = 13

>>18342375

The Dragon.

Perhaps he can offer us some useful advice. As much as we like the Minotaur, the only thing that gruff bone-head will say is "punch everything that looks at you funny."

rolled 20 = 20

>>18342375
visit the Sirens and see if they can give me any final tips on how to take a woman as my wife.

rolled 76 = 76

>>18342375
BROGON THE DRAGON!

>>18342424
You decide that you'd better see Mr. Smaug before you leave. You and him have unresolved business after all.

Mr. Smaug is young, for a dragon, but he's still older than everyone else in the village. You figure maybe he'll be able to give you some advice or something. He, of course, lives in one of the many volcanic hotspots in the Ice Lands. A long hike, but one you've made hundreds of times before.

As you descend into his lavish and ornate lair, you notice he's added several carvings of himself since you last visited. You find him in the central chamber, asleep and on his hoard, as usual. Tens of thousands of gold coins, gemstones the size of your fist, magic items so diverse and strange you couldn't even begin to catalog them all

How do you proceed?

I have never rolled this well ever before. This quest is blessed by the dice gods.

rolled 19 = 19

Clear your throat politely, as loudly as you can.

Basically yell "AHEM."

rolled 91 = 91

>>18342473
Call out to him, tell him why we're leaving, ask if he has anything that might be of use.

rolled 34 = 34

Greet him from the doorway.

"Hail, Smaug! I am leaving on a quest to the Summer Land, in search of a wife to bring back and carry on the bloodline.

You are older than anyone I know, and was wondering if there is any wisdom you might have picked up along the way that you might be willing to pass on?

Also, if there are any magical items you no longer need and might be willing to loan to me, I would be deeply honoured."

Really flatter him. He has carvings of himself, so we'll appeal to his vanity.

rolled 79 = 79

Sneak up to him and yell "Wake up ya sad excuse for a salamander!"

>>18342527
I prefer "overgrown attack newt", myself.

rolled 32 = 32

>>18342473
I proceed as I always do. I challenge him for the greatest item in his hoard

>>18342512

"HAIL, SMAUG!"
His eyes snap open immediately, and when he sees it's you, he lets out a large yawn that lets you see just how wide his gullet is, and just how many teeth he has. His scales are a deep royal crimson, and when he speaks in anything but a roar, his mouth does not move. He's a little larger than the largest horse you've ever seen.
"Hello, Urist. Come to finally sell me that Wulfskull? I'll up my offer again, a thousand gold pieces or a magic item of equivalent value. What do you say?" he says, somewhat excitedly.

Normally you'd reject him outright, and you almost do this time as well. But come to think of it...you might actually have need of gold, or a good magic item.

How do you respond to this?

rolled 95 = 95

>>18342590
"Depends on the item Smaug. What do you have?"

rolled 36 = 36

"Well Smaug, if you think you have something that can interest me, then perhaps."

rolled 49 = 49

"you can have it for 300 gold pieces AND a magical item."

>>18342613
"Depends on the item, Smaug. What is it you offer for the only Albino Wulfskull in existence?"

Smaug grins, and as he does you see a little trickle of drool come down one of his teeth. He lays out a fine woven rug of silk before you, and plucks out three items of his hoard with his tail and places them upon it in a row.

The first item is what appears to be a large leather sack. "This is a Bag of Holding. It's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside, and whatever you place within will add no weight to your burden. With this, you could carry enough water to refill a dried well, and feel no more than a feather upon your back."
The second is a finely crafted longbow suited to your size that appears to be made out of one very long piece of bone.
"This is a bow crafted from one of the wings of one of my siblings so foolish as to attempt to come and take from me without asking. Any arrow fired by it will not only shoot further and penetrate more deeply than any other, but it is also enchanted to pierce even steel armor."
The third and final item is a flattened chain that appears to be forged from links of a strange, greenish metal you've never seen before.
"This belt, when worn, will about double your effective strength for things such as lifting, throwing, moving and the like - but its power does not extend to punching, I must inform you."

What say you?

rolled 86 = 86

"I'll take the bag of holding and 200 gold, it is after all the ONLY albino wulfskull in existence"

rolled 25 = 25

"You offer me a bow? Smaug, if I didn't know you better, I would be insulted! How about you make this interesting?

A game of chance! If I win, then you grant me the Bag of Holding and the chain belt or strength and I give you the Wulf skull. If you win, then I will trade you the Wulf skull for the Bag, and give you a full third of my gold, and the pick of any magical items I bring back from my quest.

And return I shall."

rolled 19 = 19

>>18342744
the belt, with my UNSTOPPABLE fists I won't need the punching power, but it'll come in handy for the inevitable feats of strength I'll need to perform.

>>18342785

Chain belt *of strength

>>18342785

Nice going there.

>>18342816
Would you like to change your roll from >>18342779 to >>18342785? Or keep it the way it is?

>>18342816
YOOOOOUUUU


Have you added anything to the RPG game that you were working on before?

I missed the lunacy from those threads.

>>18342824

yeah his idea was more interesting.

>>18342856

que? I've no clue what your on about, i'm relatively new to /tg/ have i accidentally stolen someones name?

>>18342785
"You offer a McHammerfist a BOW!? I'm so insulted I might just leave!" you lie like a pro.

"W-WAIT!" he stammers, clearly desperate. "I'll give you the bag and 500 gold! That's more than what you'll ever get for it anywhere else!"

You pretend to ponder it for a few moments. "I'm going on a quest, Mr. Smaug. I intend to find a wife to continue the Viking lineage. Give me the bag and the belt, and in exchange I'll give you not only the skull, but a full third of whatever gold I make on this quest, and the pick of any magical items when I return. And make no mistake, return I shall."

He appears to calm a bit, but you've known him long enough to know it's a mask. If he could sweat right now, it would be visible. "..Very well. I accept your offer, Urist McHammerfist. Take the bag and belt, I'll come for the skull before you leave on the 'morrow."

"Oh, and take a little gold. It takes money to make money, and I expect you to make me quite a bit." he says as he pours 250 gold coins into the bag.

With that, you thank him and make your way home to sleep. As your head hits your pillow, your only thought is that this will be the last time this bed feels quite so empty.

>>18342960

Awesome.

Cheers Stos. I'm out for the night. Can someone archive this later? I think suptg is down at the moment.

>>18342960
You awake the next morning at dawn. You eat your meal, pack your things into your new bag of holding, and walk outside to the shore to meet Lord Bearington.

What you didn't expect was for the entire town to be there to see you off. About half are insistent on hugging you, including Frimelda and every last Siren. You're groped by more than one of them, and that doesn't bother you in the least.

You give Mr. Smaug the Wulfskull, which he immediately magics away, presumably back to his hoard.

Ser Bearington takes some time to show you the ship. It's a longboat, and a little on the small side, but considering you're the only one to crew it that's fine with you. There's some cramped space below deck for storage, and a few cots, but not much else. The prow is, of course, a stylistic dragon's head which looks a little bit too much like Mr. Smaug's you decide.

You drop the sail, push off with your mighty oar, thankful for how easy the belt makes this, and begin the long and arduous process of navigating your way through iceflows, glaciers, whirlpools, and other such hazards.

===

I think I'll call it here for the day. If someone can archive to suptg when it gets back up, that'd be great. Otherwise I'll get to it before the thread 404's.

>>18343104
Oh yes, and I'll probably do the next thread some time tomorrow afternoon.

Ready for some adventurin' on the high seas! I'll be awaiting the next installment with bated breath.

Archived.

>>18343351
>tags
>punch, fist, badass, awesome, boobs
>BOOBS

I fucking lol'd